My husband and I both work full-time, we do not have children. We are both in our early 20's and both have messy habits. Even though are schedules are pretty much the same, I feel like all of the cleaning, cooking, finances and anything else that doesn't involve fun, gets put on me. Anytime I ask him to help, he either A. Says im nagging and he just wants to relax. B. Says he'll do it and 2 months later it still isn't done. I also go to school at night, it is impossible for me to do everything by myself. How do you get your significant other to do their part?
2006-08-20 13:07:55 · 22 answers · asked by bittersweet_symphon_y 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Play a game with him. Tell him you will do the housework in a french maids outfit while he does the financing and the cooking. This tends to get the man going. If he wants to take it to the bedroom tell him when the work is done then comes the fun. Enjoy.
2006-08-20 14:06:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you talk about division of labor before you got married?
Try making a list of everything that needs to be done, then sit down with him and say, Honey, we both work full time, we need to divide the home duties too. Then have him pick which ones he will commit to do. Have him suggest some ideas about when he wants to do them... before bed? Right after getting home so they're done and out of the way? Every Saturday? etc. When you both know what your responsibilities are, write the lists up nicely and post them on the fridge.
Then, go about doing your chores and IGNORE his. If his job is laundry, and he doesn't do it, just do your own clothes. If his job is cooking and he doesn't do it, just do your own food. Don't say anything about him not doing his work, just be sweet and loving and go about doing your own thing. (You might also want to make sure you keep the finances one so that for sure gets done.)
Believe me, after a bit of having his failings hit him in the face, he'll get with the program, and you'll have been nothing but sweet and non-nagging the entire time.
2006-08-20 13:18:46 · answer #2 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for a divorce! He's a grown man and if he seriously can't figure it out on his own that things need to be cleaned and so forth, I'd say get rid of him while you can....these type of problems will only get worse which is why they say you should live with someone before marriage. I'm going to assume that this has been a problem for sometime now and he's obviously comfortable with it, I mean after all you'll just clean it if he doesn't! If you haven't already seen the movie "The break up" I'd recommend you watch it. It really has nothing to do with the cleaning, it's more about taking you into consideration and having respect for you. You work just like he does yet he dismisses the fact that your asking for help which shows his lack of interest in the minor things that happen to matter to you. He's a pig and you need to get rid of him...imagine when and if you make it to having kids!
2006-08-20 13:21:33 · answer #3 · answered by Marisa Lizette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the exact same situation and there have been plenty of times I felt like I was doing it all. I read in a magazine once that if you take care of it all, they feel like it's your job and they take no ownership in the household chores. They suggested to leave everything (maybe not the bills since they are time-sensitive) and let things get messy. It is so hard, but really worked for me. Eventually my hubby took the initiative and is much more helpful now.
2006-08-21 08:38:52 · answer #4 · answered by Kimmy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a list of what needs to be done, get organized, and sit down and tell him you need his help or your going to stay home and be a full time mom cause you cannot handle two jobs and going to school. Plan on who is doing what chore and agree it has to be done or tell him you'll hire a maid. Good luck don't let him walk all over you just because we are women and were suppose to be EQUAL somehow we got screwed and have to do it all while being told women can have it all these day. yeah right.
2006-08-20 13:15:39 · answer #5 · answered by mustang.suzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to him (or her) about it. Explain how you value their relaxation time, but you feel like you deserve some too. Calmly talk about what makes you feel like there's an unfair workload balance, and see if you can reach an agreement... Perhaps try being responsible for different things around the house... Try to assign things that each of you have a personal stock in... If he likes the area around the couch clean and vacuumed, make sure he's the one to do it!
I hope this is a good starting point.
2006-08-20 13:13:58 · answer #6 · answered by Glenn S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You stop nagging, and expect things to travel along the way they have been. You both work, then hire someone to come in once a week and do the big stuff...that way you can take care of the little stuff. Also, own less stuff...it is easier to care for. And get organized, so everything has a place to belong.
2006-08-20 13:13:02 · answer #7 · answered by rrrevils 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop doing everything. If you continue, you are trapping yourself for the duration of your marriage. This will cause so much resentment that it might not last as long as you think. That sort of thing builds up.
Don't nag him. Clean up after yourself, don't clean up after him. Wash your dirty dishes, do not wash his. Stop cooking for him. Eat on the way home and let him fend for himself. As long as you are willing to be a doormat, he will walk on you. But don't argue with him about it and don't nag.
When he relaxes, you need to relax, or do your homework. Don't cook and clean while he relaxes.
He is taking advantage of you. He can not do that without your help, so stop helping him take advantage of you. But, you need to tell him you are no longer doing everything as well as show him.
2006-08-20 13:19:31 · answer #8 · answered by arejokerswild 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand the stress of housework and know that sometimes you can't do everything by yourself. In a perfect world, your husband would pitch in and the idea that housework is for women would cease to exist. In the meantime, if the house goes to poop, the house will go to poop and eventually he will notice. Maybe that would encourage him to clean a bit - hopefully. A good idea is for both of you to try to limit the mess in the first place. For instance, dirty dishes in sink, dirty clothes, underwear, socks particular in hamper, wrappers in trash, etc...try to keep things more organized instead of all over the place. Even though things are still dirty, just having them in the right places won't be as "eyesore" which will be especially helpful for busy individuals.
2006-08-20 13:18:04 · answer #9 · answered by Emi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy this is the oldest story in the book. And I hate to tell you but when you are 50 and things are still the same (they will be) you are going to be wishing you had divorced him when you were younger. Sad but true.
While you wait for the resentment that he has turned you into his mommy (you are) and he is a big baby (he is) you can sit him down and say "this ends right here, right now". Only cook, do laundry, etc. for yourself. IT IS NOT THE WOMAN'S JOB!
P.S. My rule is put it away or I will throw it away. Yep, honey your IPOD was not stolen....
2006-08-20 13:16:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋