My sister in law passed away should I tell?

Question

My sister in law passed away a week ago(from heart problems).About 3years ago she told me and a few others about when she was a teen she had a child that her parents made her give up to her older sister.Her daughter was raised believing that her real mother was her aunt.I know my sister in law wanted to someday tell her but she never got the nerve.Her daughter doesnt get along well with her "mom".My ? is should someone in the family tell her ? or should we all just let it be as it has been ? and her never know?

Answer 1

In this instance, I would most likely speak to the woman who raised her and discuss telling the child. Not knowing how old the child is right now, unless the girl is 18, I wouldn't talk to her without discussing it first with the woman who raised her.

The woman who is raising her/has raised her may have a plan for telling her daughter. Getting involved without speaking to her first could make a very difficult emotional situation even worse.

If she refuses to tell her daughter, then I would wait until the child is 18 and then tell her.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

This is an extremely sensitive situation.
One which you need to talk to your aunt about. Tell her what the birth mother told you. What happens if somene lets the info "slip"?

What happens if there are medical reasons that arise where this girl needs info. This girl should be told, at the very least, that she is adopted. Then it's up to your aunt, her mother, to divulge the other info. I don't know how old this young woman is, but there's gonna be soooo much hurt and anger over this.
How is she going to feel being decieved?
How is going to feel now that her birth mother is dead? She will never be able to cultivate a mother/daughter relationship.
Please help her get counselling. This has been so unfair to this girl.

Answer 3

At this point it's kinda too late. No offense. All this girl will think about is how she never had that chance to knowher mother. I am sure the girl will some day be thankfull that she has the mother that raised her, but it's a tough situation...I would say no, but if you feel this strongly about it, talk to the people that are raising this girl and how old she is and if she is really mature enough to handle something like this. Don't just make the decision yourself to tell her talk to your family....
I am very sorry for your loss also, I wish your family the best of luck.

Answer 4

I think that she should find out the truth, but it would have to be at the right time. Even though it should be the birth mothers choice to tell, things have changed. And ask yourself why would she tell anyone unless she wanted it to get out somehow. Chances are that the "mom" will not tell her and leave it be. People that grow up with foster families and never know it that they are, eventually wise up and start putting things together. If you and her have a sister like bond and she trusts you then i would say you will find the right time and place to let her know. If you do tell her. But to contradict myself if you don't have a tight bond I would leave it alone because it can really turn around and get ugly.
Good luck.

Answer 5

Although I feel she has the right to know, I also feel that is is no one elses business to tell her except for the person who is her "mother" now.

More than likely you don't know all the details that really took place at the time this was done and by just coming out and telling her could cause a lot of damage.

As it is, when her "mother" does decide to tell her thre will have to be counseling involved.

Great caution is needed so as not to destroy a lot of lives here.

Answer 6

That's a sensitive issue. I have never been in your shoes so I can't say exactly what I would do...but I feel she has a right on knowing who her biological mother is or was (as in this case.) I don't know how she will react be it mad, happy, indifferent. She might even be shocked or she might have suspected that your sister-in-law was her mother. Who knows...maybe by telling her it might help your relationship with her...or not. All I know for sure is that the truth has a way of catching up to you. Ultimately, you know the situation best. Search inside yourself. What feels "right" to you....telling her or not telling her? I do wish you the best of luck!

Answer 7

That's a tough one. If you do tell her, make sure she is old enough to handle it. I would also wait a little while since it has only been a week. Give it a month or two then talk to someone in the family who knows about her wanting to tell her daughter the truth and see what they say. Good luck.

Answer 8

sounds like your sister ended up with the loser. he's now unlikely to develop into, as you placed it, a extra constructive guy. he's in ordinary words almost as good as he's ever going to get. yet he could cop on and develop up - all it is on his section is the 'grass is greener on the different facet' element. You characterize something to him that he needs yet is gone - freedom. you want to inform different individuals of your household about this, and make it surely sparkling to them that you probably did not inspire him to imagine in this kind, and that you do not favor to ensure him back. And certain, i'm sorry yet i imagine think ofyou've got to inform your sister what her husband has been doing ... you imagine she suspects, so this can not be such an excellent marvel, yet a significant sadness. Make it sparkling to her that you help HER, you have not any favor to do something with him and also you in no way had. He would attempt to inform lies about you to cover is really own sorry carcase, stick along with your guns and demand that you're telling the truth. he's an fool, through how. in case you probably did not cop that already.

Answer 9

Well personally I would want to know but at a time when I would be able to handle it ! If you believe she is mature to understand the situation her real mother was in than yes she should be told ..if not wait until you think she can .If you tell her when she can't she might rebel .

Answer 10

If she was your sister "in law" then someone closer has the responsibility of telling the truth at the appropriate time. There is a boundary you shouldn't cross. If you explode that land mine, a lot of people could get hurt. This is totally not your responsibility.