My husband has been viewing porn for a long time.
And i am tired of it. I dont feel sexy or attractive anymore.
How do other people feel about porn?
Can it destroy a marriage?
He stopped once and then got caught again
Please dont tell me the sex is better afterwards. He didnt need me afterwards
2006-08-20 11:45:59 · 21 answers · asked by twobjill 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I want to end it, the marriage.
I am an attractive woman and i feel like hes cheating on me.
i dont want him touching me, he has no need to .Sex is something special between a man and a woman.
2006-08-20 12:01:44 · update #1
----Im sorry he has lied about it
My kids knew before i did
I thought something was going on but he always said no its nothing. Made me feel like i was going crazy.------
2006-08-20 12:19:18 · update #2
I know exactly how you feel. I think that we are married to the same man. And yes, he is cheating on you. He does not have to touch those women physically in order to cheat. Your feelings unattractiveness are valid as well. It is exactly how I feel, only I don't care anymore. He has pretty much killed any sexual desire in me so I figure if he is using his porn, he isn't touching me. Sad isn't it? I think I am leaving though and taking the kids. Good luck and I hope the best happens for you. You deserve better than this...
2006-08-20 16:22:42 · answer #1 · answered by cfbookchick has left the building... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of men seem to be able to separate porn from their marriage. It is like they are two people. Porn is their escape from reality, it does not mean he doesn't think you are sexy or doesn't love you. I'm not taking his side, it is just the way men think.
If he is no longer interested in you at all, only the porn, then it is a problem in your marriage and yes, it could destroy it. Also forbidding him to view porn will only make him hide it from you, it won't stop him.
Sometimes it is helpful if you start a discussion about what fantasies you could try together. What is it he sees in some of the porn that could make your time together exciting? I don't mean anything you'd consider degrading, just things that you might want to try together. And also tell him some of your fantasies and see if that gets his interest.
Hope this helps :)
2006-08-20 19:18:49 · answer #2 · answered by supersuzym 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been wondering the same thing only my pain is from the lying about it and a few other things about his past.
I was single for 12 years and did not date until my youngest son graduated and left home. I wanted to wait for the right man.Icreated an online explicit profile about my likes and dislikes, the Must have and must nots. I went out on a few dinner dates with some very interested and eligible men. Handsome, educated and I caught them in some lies in our phone conversations. Lies were a deal breaker to me. Then I met my now husband.
He too had not dated for 4 years and had been celibate he said..He said a lot of things. A consumate liar it seems. he is great in every other way. He lied about his past relationship with his wife.He said he never cheated on her. I consider lusting over porn cheating. He said he did not use porn nor need porn , nor seek it out. A friend of mine ran into him on several sex search dating sites. She sent me his profiles. Yuk! I had occassion to see him shrink his screen and wondered why. later after a walk through of his computer, I saw why. i have not confronted this latest find.
I am going to run to my favorite authorJoyce Meyers and see what she suggest for this. I love my husband, but like you I feel insecure now about how I look. i try to remember that just 3 years ago I had about 100 would be contacts a day coming in email from Matchdoctor and webdate. I am considered pretty and desireable but naturally I can not compete with 25 year old hotties. I am sick over this too. I know I have to confront him and take it from there but first I am headed to prayer. I'll add you to my thoughts.Good Luck.
2006-08-20 19:16:10 · answer #3 · answered by Makingwishes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn can damage a marriage as it gives some very impractical notions about male-female relationships.
He is looking for something in the porn that he feels he cannot find in the marriage.
You need to sit down and discuss in an honest and mature manner what he woud like to see in the sex portion of the marriage and why he honestly feels the need to go porn mooking.
2006-08-20 18:53:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn can destroy a good marriage.Talk with him seriously .Men and women can have addiction to Porn.Men sometimes after are saturated with Porn,could be impotent sexually or sometimes have no more interest in have sex with their partners.Porn you know is a billionaire business.Porn get millions of dollars selling videos,movies,web site,etc.Many couples start watching Porn on the web,or renting movies,but at the end many of them become addicts to Porn and really lost interest in the real sex's life with their partners.You are right,you are first, than Porn.Good luck.
2006-08-20 19:30:06 · answer #5 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he watched it once or twice I would say no big deal. But it sounds like it is an obsession with him. You need to just dump him and find someone better.
Porn is not how people behave in the real world. Those who watch it too often lose their ability to understand the difference between the porn and a real relationship. He is at that point.
2006-08-20 19:10:05 · answer #6 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You put my feelings into words. I asked several times why my dh wasn't interested in me anymore, even before I found out he was looking at this stuff. Even worse, he promised to stop but then just got better at hiding it, so the little bit of trust I had left is now out the window. I'm not sure which has hurt our marriage more - lack of trust or lack of self worth. He didn't need to go elsewhere because I wanted him all the time! Now this has killed my self esteem and I don't even want it anymore. It's like a downward spiral. But if you love him, like me, and he is truly sorry like my dh, it's worth at least trying to work this out in therapy. Don't give up!
2006-08-21 15:56:00 · answer #7 · answered by Kimmy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Worst case scenario: If you can't beat them, join them. Hell, you might end up liking it too! Lots of couples use this to spice up their relationships. Don't see it as a reflection on you, unless he holds your sexual fantasies against you and sees them as cheating. He's using this to fill in a hole in your sex life. Spice it up girl! When was the last time you put on silky lingerie and a smile? I found that my husband's views on sex often mirror my own... when I stroke his ego about it and make him feel good about trying new things and tell him how great he was, it only creates better things for me in the future. Read mama gena's marriage manual. I PROMISE you will thank me.... I SWEAR by her. Fight fire with sugar
2006-08-20 19:24:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel like the relationship is over and you don't want him touching you, then you might as well end it. If he is dishonest and lies about watching porn, then what else is he lying about? If he makes you feel unattractive, that's only going to get worse.
What is it you don't already know?
2006-08-20 19:20:57 · answer #9 · answered by I Know Nuttin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im sorry hun but if he is reading porn(i like the articles(hmmmm do i know how to read))your doomed.
to hell with the opinions. men (and women,shhhhhhh!)like porn and dont be so uptight(my opinion as well). just remember if hes ummmmmmm reading porn he probably doesnt have the heart to cheat, but is looking for that miracle product "new dust". as a guy i know that we tend to like to view naked women,however personally we have our lines in the sand. sometimes that line moves. then you have a problem.do what is comfy, but he's gonna "read" porn. do you love em or not? dont be offended its just like fantasizing and if women didnt do it, soaps wouldnt have exploded back in the day when womens only (loosely painted with a broad brush)job was rearing children when men were the breadwinners.
i "read" porn, but that is my sex life(pitiful i know),non existent. when im lucky enough to have a partner in my life, i dont look at porn(yeah right just no where near as much). Its just a way of stimulating the imagination in most cases,you know new dust.
you can try cutting him off lmao(yeah that'll break him of a natural curiosity)
sorry i answered honestly and with tongue in cheek
2006-08-20 20:09:39 · answer #10 · answered by l8ntpianist 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋