Should I be offended?

Question

Ok first off I work in an office but its VERY casual - they had a keg when one executive retired, they had a huge bbq with cases and cases of beer, they go out to bars all the time, have picnics, office parties, etc. constantly.

I've been there a little over a month and everyone in my department is only a few years older than me and we are all just barely out of college or still in college.

On Friday I heard everyone talking about some "bonfire" my supervisor I guess you could call him although he's really just like the head of our small team (5 ppl). I heard every single person in the office talking about it and they had all gotten an email invite. The guy who organized it was even talking about it right in front of me (his cubicle is across from mine) and didn't ever invite me.

I don't know if this was a friend event or an office event but still, I had thought that we were at least acquantinces and other people were getting invited who I have never seen speak with him.

I felt extremely hurt and let down because it felt just like I was back in highschool. I think if someone is planning something like this and inviting the whole floor in the office shouldn't they invite someone from their own small team who works together every day?

Should I be offended or am I wrong?

How should I handle this?

I have always struggled with confidence problems and now I totally feel like the office loser and wonder if everyones talking **** about me behind my back..

Answer 1

With work people, it's so hard to decide who's a work friend and who's a friend-friend. I think the longer you work there, the more you'll find a groove.
At my new job, the other people in my department were always going to lunch without me. At first I took it personally, but then I thought about it, and I realized that they aren't obligated to be my friends and it's my job to decide who I want to be friends with.
If you want your work friends to become friends friends, invite them somewhere with you. Maybe they don't even know you'd want to hang out with them. If they really are snubbing you, then find someone else to hang out with.

Answer 2

Aww, I can totally relate to that feeling. Some people can be so dense! But don't take it out on anyone at work or anyone else for that matter.
It's not good for your karma to get back at people and the last thing you should do is ruin relationships with something that small. Just brush it off and if you end up not getting invited at all then just try hard to be cool about it. In awhile when it seems like a good time, host a little get together of your own and invite co-workers. Maybe just a small dinner and then bowling or something. Be friendly with them, like you're having a casual dinner without anything business related involved. Make yourselves some little inside jokes and find out something new about everyone. It might help, so next time there's something going on then they definitely won't forget you.
I definitely don't think you're wrong in feeling hurt, it's only natural but don't sink down to that level and be vendictive about it. Highschool was the past and if you feel like you shouldn't have to deal with it then don't. Drama is old news. And who knows, maybe someone wanted to give you a special invitation in person. Whatever the case is, I hope I helped, even if it's just a little.

Answer 3

I've only been out of college for 2 years but I've learned that the work place is not much different from high school or college. If you got invited would you still go? Being new when an "office event" is going on is hard (especially around November and December). But you're at the office to work, not make friends. I'm not saying be mean to everyone, but don't expect to establish relationships/acquaintances with co-workers that will take place in and out the office.

Answer 4

Do not be offended!! You are the new kid on the block and maybe they do not know if you are open to those types of gatherings. With everyone so scared of “political correctness,” your coworkers may worry that they may offend you by inviting you to an alcohol-involved party.

How do you know that everyone but you received an email? Did you read everyone's email?

Quietly ask the party organizer if this is a private gathering or if you may attend too. It is quite likely that he forgot to include your name on the "office email" because you are so new. Make sure he gets your name on the list because you want to party with everyone else too! Keep the whole thing light-hearted and humorous and collect brownie points for showing class.

Before I retired, our office used to have informal gatherings and lunches all of the time. We tried to let any new people know that when we plan something, anyone may come with us without an invitation. Our unwritten rule was that if you do not show up, you did not invite yourself. The same rule applied when some of us volunteered to make special lunch runs. If you hear us making a list and you want something, speak up and let us know. We did not consider it rude since we consider everyone a part of the office. We had over 200 employees on one floor, so asking each person would take too much time.

Good luck!

Will D
Enterprise AL
http://www.notagz.com

Answer 5

It's not a big deal. You're new, it could be an old work thing. There's probably a rational explanation. And even if it's like high school, this experience has already happened to me too, forget about it. A party isn't a big deal. If you want to be part of it so badly, throw parties yourself. You could also casually ask someone if there is a bonfire and maybe they'll invite you. If not, plan something that night/day with your friends so you feel less sad.

Answer 6

Well yes, I can understand why you would be offended. It would me as well. I think it depends on how you want to handle the situation as to whether you say something mean or not.

Example #1: If you want to go to the party, then go up to the host and say "I found a store the other day that has kegs on sale, I heard you guys talking about your bonfire coming up so you might want to check them out and see if you can still get them on sale".

Example #2If you don't want to go to the party and you want them to know they hurt your feelings you could say: I would love to go to the bonfire I have heard you guys planning, but really it is such short notice and I am not really into the whole office party/friends thing, so I think I will pass."

Those are just a couple but I bet you could think of some more if tried.

Good luck!

Answer 7

is it possible that you have not yet been added to someone's email list that was used to invite everyone - maybe you could tell a co-worker who knows this person well that you didnt get the email. Then ask your supervisor yourself if you are on his email list. if he says why, just tell him there was an email that everyone got but you. maybe a bell will go off in his head that you didnt get the invite. if not he is really dense and really rude and then i would be not only offended but later on let him know he is not a team player and people cant be motivated to work when they are left out. good luck

Answer 8

Well first I will say that keg paties and beer at company office parties is completely out of line, A business can be held liable for its employees actions and a result of providing drinks at its company funtions.

With that said, it is possible that you were to get a invite and the email messed up, I don't get some email from someone almost every day.

so ask ? go anyway ?

Answer 9

Sounds like a Frat party. You were wrongly excluded and of course you were offended.

I do not know enough about your office dynamics to give you advice. Are you disliked for some reason? Do they think you are a prude?

You shouldn't spend too much time drinking with co-workers anyway. When you do, you should limit your alcohol intake so that you are fully aware of everything that is happening all around you.

Answer 10

emails do get lost in transit sometimes. if they were all talking about it in front of you, and you have no reason to believe that they all hate you then my guess is that everyone thinks you were invited to. you are an adult now, not in highschool. be mature and just ask. what is the worst answer you could get? that they hate you and don't want you at their party? my guess is that your email got lost, misaddressed or accidentally skipped when they were being sent out.