Husband/sister in law feud?

Question

My husband's sister and I have not gotten along for 4 years. Too long of a story but for the main reason she felt I was trying to take her parents away by making them like me more than her! Not true my parents are alive and well, and we have a wonderful relationship. My husband use to tell me things his sister would say about me (negative things) I use to get mad and have wonderful smart@ss combacks, but my husband and I would fight (verbal) fo days. My mom said thats no the right way so I quit talking about his sister when he would tell me more negative things she would say. I would tell him if you sister say something in regards to me leave it at her house, don't bring it in mine. However he con't to bring up mean things she says, I tried ignoring him when he says them, but he just keeps on telling them to me. I have confonted him several times about it, he apoligize saying he didn't know it would "upset me" What should I do? Any helpful advice?

Answer 1

Ya know, this is a typical reaction from your average sister in law! She must not be married herself. If you are doing everything in your power to show his sister that you are not into her role in the family and truly act that way, it is your husbands job to let his sister know that you no not appreciate her involvement in your wife's affairs with their parent's.Let her know you are upset and expect some changes. It might be that your sister feels she has lost her brother, so it might be your job to show her that she has not!

Answer 2

Ok, your husband needs to stand by YOUR side! Where the hell does he get off, telling you all the horrible things his sister has to say about you, when he KNOWS it will upset you? NOT RIGHT! Put him in check.

Listen, you can't control how people feel about you. The sis-in-law obviously has some self-esteem issues, none of which are your concern. Just leave it at that, the girl is miserable, misery loves company, and you do not want to be in that kind of company, obviously.

If your husband doesn't start standing up for you, you really need to have a heart to heart with him.

When two people get married, it's to start a new life and family together, the hubby needs to be reminded of this fact!

Answer 3

Well keep being the bigger person for sure. Tell your husband that when he married you he promised to be by your side. YOU wouldn't let your brother talk badly about him would you? NO. He is being more like a gossiping girl than a respectable husband. Tell him if he comes home and tell you one more time than you will just have to assume that he feels the same way about you as she does. And he is throwing your faults in your face. Good luck, but most importantly don't let it get you down.

Answer 4

You told your husband exactly right by saying leave his sister comments at her house. I am not understanding why he keeps telling you negative comments. How about asking your husband the reason he has to tell you negative things his sister says about you. Ask him would he like it if your family said negative things about him and you tell him everytime. Tell your husband to stop being a "bone carrier"( a person who runs from one house to another sharing gossip). A person who brings a bone sometimes carry one so ask him does he say negative things about you while with his sister.

You also did the right thing by not saying negative things about his sister when your husband "the bone carrier" brings you negative news. Keep it that way. When your husband "the bone carrier" comes in and and starts saying his sister said this and that say to him "I am glad you all were thinking about me".

Answer 5

Sorry, but if you've told him that he is to leave the things that his sister says about you at her home, and not bring them to you, and he still does it. Then he knows that they will bother you, he just does not care.

Advice: you must decide if this is the life that you want to have. If it is not, then you must either make him understand that you will not tolerate what his sister says and he tells you about, or you may need to make the decision to leave him or not. If he does not care about your feelings on this, it may be a indicator that there are larger problems.

After that you may want to enlist the aid of your in-laws to make your sister-in-law see that you are not a threat to her in their eyes. That while they love you as their daughter-in-law, she is their daughter and special to them. I know that this seems a bit of a childish way to handle the problem, but in all honestly the problem you are having with the sister-in-law is very childish on her part and should not be happening at all. So you may need to go to the extreme of shaming her into halting her verbal assault on you.

Answer 6

Actually, while he does need to keep his mouth shut, you could try the thing that always seems to work with me. When he says something, call her immediatly in front of him and ask her why she said that. This will embarrass your husband to death, plus, once she knows that your husband is telling you what she said, she will stop saying things in front of him. No one likes a snitch. Now, don't call and say did you say this, call and ask why she said it. This way she won't lie and maybe you can get to the root of the problem to start with and you guys could end up being friends. Sounds like your hubby doesn't want you guys being friends.

Answer 7

maybe your husband just wants to fight why else would he bring up hurtful things that his sister says when they use to make you and him fight . sounds like to me hes also got a problem maybe he likes it when you get mad and as far as him saying things like i didnt know it would upset you , youve already been there and done that before, he does too know that these things upset you. and as far as your sister in law goes she is a trouble making little hefer that is totally insecure and the only thing she thinks she has going for her is to cause trouble for you and your husband falls right into the garbage. tell him to keep his mouth shut about this or at least be the man and defend you..

Answer 8

Sounds to me like your husband is playing mind games with you. Why not go to the sister and tell her what he is saying about her. Chance's are they are false. And if they are then what you do is have the sister over one saturday night for dinner. But don't tell your husband that she is coming. Surprise the jerk. Afterall.....two peed off women are a much better team than one on one.

Answer 9

Sounds like your husband used to sleep with his sister. He seems to lover her more than you. Remember in the bible it says the man shall leave his family and cleave to his wife. in other words he should stand united with you.

My husband's sister would try this, and I left him. I was gone overnight and he told me that he was sorry and he will never put up with negative remarks about me from her. She tried to pull it off again, and he told her that if she can't control her mouth that he will no longer visit. He hadn't seen his sister in 2 years, and then when he did visit, I was WITH. She made nice conversation and was very congenial. That is how it should be.

Answer 10

Well at least you have a guy that doesn't hide something from you! Well, how about this. Sit him down, and ask him, "When you tell me what your sister says about them, what are you thinking as you tell me?" Listen to what he has to say about that question. If it is because i thought you would want to know what my sister thinks of you, you can say, "I rather hear little or nothing of what your sister thinks of me and more of what you think of me. " And explain that it puts your self esteem down, makes you upset, and it sounds more like it is coming from him more then his sister. This may be the best explaintion to him for him to see how you feel about this.