Last October I found out that my wife had an affair while I was away on some military training. I lived in denial for a few months, now we're separated. There was a nasty mudslinging battle, during which I made a special visit to my hometown to meet the other guy. I got statements and pictures from him as well as statements from her former best friend who snitched on her. That night as soon as I was done talking to him, I came back, only this time a little more dressed up. I picked up a woman and you fill in the blank. I was surprised how easy that was. I saw her on a few occasions and moved on to other women. Five altogether. I was on a high, if you want to call it that. Now my wife wants to get back together. She has confessed the whole thing. I thought I wouldn't feel so bad about it but I was wrong. Nothing I did made it any better. I can forgive her but I can't see us being together again. This whole thing started a war between the families. Has anyone else ever felt this way?
2006-08-20 11:06:01 · 18 answers · asked by Thomas K 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think more than anything, I just wanted to show that the door can swing both ways. My ego was more than restored, but it didn't change the way I felt about what happened.
2006-08-20 11:27:28 · update #1
You have learned a very valuable lesson. Revenge is not sweet. Two wrongs don't make a right. Getting even is not as much fun as you thought.
You may never be able to get back with your wife because of all the water under the bridge. You both were wrong. You both have a lot of explaining to do.
The best thing for the two of you is counseling. Learn to communicate better and to trust again. Once the two of you are getting along better, the families will settle down.
If you don't get back together, the counseling will allow you to understand what went wrong so you don't ruin any other future relationships.
2006-08-20 11:14:19 · answer #1 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. You are right to think that you won't be able to be together again. Once trust is gone in a marriage - there is little left to work with. Under the circumstances - neither of you will ever believe what the other is saying. That is no way to live. Learn from your mistakes and move on to a happier relationship. ( But move a little slower than you have been if you want it to last.) You can find true love out there with someone you can trust. Also - shame on her for not being more loyal while you were away. It is better you found out her true character ( or lack thereof) now than after you have been married 20 years like I was!
2006-08-20 11:18:32 · answer #2 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only problem with revenge is...the original problem is still there.
It doesn't solve anything. I'm sorry to say but you don't even have a marriage anymore. If you can't see yourself getting back with her then what's the point? Chances are you will only throw this at her face and she will do the same when you get into an argument. It's your call and I think you are the best judge of your own situation.
2006-08-20 11:36:49 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what, I think you are matured enough to answer your own question. I'm just 14 yrs old but this is my answer:
Forget about your revenge and start thinking about your decision on your wife. It's up to you if you still wanna be with her. Do not think anything about vengeance. It's true that it will make you feel better, but it may also give you a very tormenting guilt that will be far more intolerable than your anger. So if I were you, I would just forgive my wife.
2006-08-20 11:16:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, my husband (ex now) ran off with my best friend so I started dating his boss to get back at him... I had fun, and he got mad, so I guess I felt better at the time, but my best revenge was divorcing him and now the ex best friend and him are totally miserable together... LOL I love it, and soon she will dump him like the other 5 that she broke up and then left for someone else... now that is what makes me feel 100% better
2006-08-20 11:15:16 · answer #5 · answered by Just Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, Revenge is a dish served best COLD!!! Don't feel bad, just think about her on her back spreading her legs WIDE OPEN and the other guy mounted up drilling her HARD & DEEP!!! I bet he even fliped her around and got her DOGGIE STYLE and she screamed like the DIRTY WH*RE that she is!!! At least, that's how it was with every married woman I have ever tagged...
2006-08-20 11:11:57 · answer #6 · answered by Married Male 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU CAVED IN TO ACTING OUT OF SPITE. YOU FEEL ASHAMED, AS YOU SHOULD.
NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO NOW, BUT SPLIT UP AND GAIN SOME WISDOM, KNOWING THAT ACTING ON SPITE IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA.
RESOLVE TO ALWAYS TAKE THE HIGH ROAD, EVEN IF SOMEONE ELSE DOES NOT. FORGIVE THEM FOR THEIR SHORTCOMINGS, AND BE GLAD THEY WILL BECOME SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM TO DEAL WITH IN THE FUTURE.
LEAVE YOUR WIFE AND THANK HER FOR SHOWING YOU WHAT KINDS OF BEHAVIOR TO AVOID IN THE FUTURE. THANK HER FOR THE WISDOM AND EXPERIENCE.
THE BEST REVENGE IS INNACTION. DO NOT WASTE ANY MORE ENERGY ON HER.
GET BACK AT HER BY NOT LETTING IT DESTROY YOU OR MAKING YOU RESORT TO ANY SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIORS. SHOW HER SHE DIDN'T DAMAGE YOU.
GET BACK AT HER BY LIVING WELL AND MOVING ON QUICKLY, AND NOT CARRYING AND GRUDGES OR BAGGAGE. DROP THAT STUFF OFF, IT CONTAMINATES ALL FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS. SHOW HER SHE WAS NOT BIG OR SIGNIFICANT ENOUGH TO CHANGE YOU.
MOST OF ALL GET BACK AT HER BY BEING BETTER OF WITHOUT HER THAN WHEN YOU WERE WITH HER.
2006-08-20 11:26:27 · answer #7 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have not felt this way. I remember a statistic that shocked me once that more women cheat on their partners then men do. The mistkae is that men are more likely to get caught as they are to simple to be deceiptful. A problem is that some men handle deceipt worse then women. So if you want to forgive to get back with her you are going to have to make a choice to let go. It won't be easy.
2006-08-24 03:56:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Revenge can be sweet but it does not help us one way or other in the long run. We have to learn to move forward and not backwards. Sorry it didn't work out between the two of you. Yes, 4 times I have felt this way but never acted on it.
2006-08-20 11:22:43 · answer #9 · answered by Rickstar 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Has anyone ever told you 2 wrongs doesn't make a right. Both of you need to grow up. This marriage is a joke anyway. Nither one of you are commited so just give it up.
2006-08-20 11:23:13 · answer #10 · answered by angel_64 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋