My in-laws and MY baby.......?

Question

I know once you read this you will prob. think that something is wrong with me or that i am not grateful... NOT TRUE. Bad as it is...im ready to have this baby and these last weeks are dragging. My mother in law is driving me insane and dont realize she's doing it!!!! She calls and say "did you have MY baby yet", oh I cant wait to see MY baby, when my baby is born, you better get in line cuz im holding him first, what else do we need for my baby. (not to mention, I barely got to buy anything for my baby cuz she went and bout everything you could possibly need!!!!) Im appreciate her and all that she does, I do....but how do you deal with a mother in law who you already know is going to be there every second and wanting to hold the baby all day. Did I mention she was moving in with my husband and I in october. Help....how do i not let this affect our relationship, which was good.

Answer 1

Do NOT let her move in.
DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT.
I lived with my grandmother my whole life growing up. She finally moved out when I was 16, and now her son and her don't talk. Living in the same house ruined their relationship, and they hate eachother. They haven't exchanged words in over 3 years.
Trust me, living with your parents when you are an adult is a bad idea. Yes, love is one thing, but you don't have to live with them. That is 2 generations living in one house and 3 generations when you have children. That is NOT a healthy envirenment. All of you are going to get on eachother's nerves.

Trust me, I lived like that. Now my grandmother is living in an apartment on her own which my MOTHER (her daughter in law) pays rent for since her and her son don't talk. We all have a bad relationship with her because her living with us screwed things up. Older ladies become controlling. It's just an age issue. Especially older mothers who are manipulative with their daughter in laws.

Learn how to stand up for yourself, and how to say NO to your mother in law before it is too late.

Answer 2

First off tell the Dr. before you give birth that you don't want her in the room with you that way the problem of who holds it first is solved but most Dr.s are going to give the baby to the mother before the mother in law. Then tell her that this isn't her baby it's yours. But try to do it nicely. If possible. I wouldn't worry about her buying every thing that just saved you money. Talk to your husband and tell him that you guys are going to need some alone time after the baby is born for just the three of you and that he's going to have to put his foot down about her being there all the time and what ever you do don't let her move in your house. Because the way it sounds she is going to try and control every thing in your lives. I hope everything turns out ok. Good luck with your baby (and mother in law).

Answer 3

wow BAD situation very hard to not hurt feelings. I think you need to be straight with her. Tell her you are THE MOM, you appreciate her help there are somethings you want to do alone. Don't let her make all the choices. You have every right to be the 1st to hold your own baby anyone who thinks otherwise is WRONG. Tell anyone who's going to view the delivery you want to hold the baby 1st they should respected that or LEAVE. I think her moving in could be a blessing or a burden it will be nice to have someone there when you need to get other chores done. If she is going to TAKE OVER YOU MUST STOP that from happening. I'm sure she's not trying to be a pain. Maybe let your hubby know how you feel. Don't wait till your angry at her at say things out of anger before things get to that point JUST TALK with her.

Answer 4

Oooh, doesn't sound like a good situation, but there had to be some kind of understanding at some point because in-laws just don't move in. My only advice to you is that you need to let her know how you feel about her excitement. I'm assuming this will be her first grandchild and they're usually exciting prospects for the soon to be grandparents, but you need to establish that you are the mother, it's YOUR baby and her GRAND baby. Sounds like you have a decent relationship with her so be frank and honest- "You know that you'll be the first person we call when the baby's due." How will she know if you call your best friend first? In conversation, refer to the baby as "Your grandbaby." and to her as "Grandma." (or whatever name she wants to go by.) Don't alienate her, that's free child care for you which is always nice, but establish now who's role is who's.

Answer 5

first of all, all the best with your new baby on the way. If you have a good relationship with your mother-in-law, sit and talk to her, heart to heart. Tell her that you appreciate all she is doing for "your" baby on the way and if she plans to move in there needs to be some boundaries set now so there are now problems. And be sure your husband does most of the talking so she knows it comes from her son as well, and you are not blamed. Be sure she knows you "both" agree on everything that is set out to her. Let her know that when she calls the baby " her baby" it hurts you because this is your first ( I assume) and she has had her first and has had the opportunity to enjoy those moments and you are looking forward to those moments to. But you are also looking forward to her looking forward to her being happy as a grandma. Good Luck mommy and daddy to be!

Answer 6

First put your foot down with your husband. Explain exactly how you feel and why. Then tell the witch that she IS NOT HAVING
that baby, you are. Tell her to knock it off. Finally have hubby
explain everything to his mother. Why is she moving in? Did you okay this? The last thing you need is a pushy woman with a new baby and weak husband. It is time to reclaim your home and marriage. My mother-in-law bugged us for 4 months after we were married asking if I was pregnant yet. I finally blew up
and told her to not mention the "B" word for a year. She backed off. Congrats on your baby. p.s. do not let her name your child.

Answer 7

girl sounds to me like we have a lot in common on this because
I had the same problem with my mother-in-law, I tried not to be rude but she just kept pushing and pushing to I finally just blew!
I told her look I appreciate everything that you have done for my
child but enough is enough. I told her that I wanted her to be there
for my child but I'm the mother and I'm the one that's gonna be
raising it and I would appreciate it if she would just give me a little
breathing room and let me be a mother because she already had
her chance and now it's my turn. but I told her that I still wanted
her to be a part of my baby's life but not all the time because that
is the time for you and your child to bond and if she's holding it all
the time then the baby's not gonna know who the mother is so sit
down and explain to her that you really need a little breathing room for u and your baby. I hope I helped and one other thing do
not let her stress you out.

Answer 8

Well my dear. It sounds as though you should SPEAK UP NOW. Surely you are greatful and will need the help but sometimes the stress is not worth it. I personally do not like to be bothered. And sometimes you have to preserve your sanity instead of the feelings of others. Talk to your husband and make sure he actually hears what you are saying. Let them both know that maybe her staying although appreciated may not be such a good idea, I believe that baby's can pick up on the energy you give of and you do not want your newborn stressed and fussy because you are. Best of luck

Answer 9

is this her first grandchild? she is obviously really excited about the pending birth and wants to play a role in your baby's life. i think that's great. try not to feel so defensive about her desire to be there for her grandchild as that will eventually pass, and once you have had the baby, keep in mind that it will be YOU feeding the baby, waking up during the night, bathing him/her etc. you will be the one taking care of the baby, not your mother in law, she can only do so much as a grandmother, but it will be you and your husband raising the child. if you feel that she is trying to 'take over' after the baby is born and you feel deprived of sleep or made to feel inadequate, then you are going to have speak to your husband about your feelings. she needs to respect the fact that you need space. i would definitely discourage her from moving in with you if you feel the tension between will become unbearable

Answer 10

My best advice would be to talk it out with your husband... he may be able to give you advice or better yet let her know to back off a little... I would also advise you not to have her move in... It may be very bad if she is already smothering you... will she take over with the baby? Also what kind of relationship does she have with your husband? If he is sorta a momma's boy... It could be a BIG problem with her babying him too. Nothings worse than feeling like a third wheel in your own home... family. There is a reason in the bible it says a man and woman leave their family and become ONE.