Is it okay to have friends of the opposite sex while being married?

Question

I have a male friend that i been talking to for a 2years.now that my husband knows now he wants to be open and have females friends too.I don't have a problem with him have females friends. i just thinks that he now all of a sudden wants to have a female friend of b/c i have one.he told me he's been wanting to have females to talk to but he didn't b/c he thought it was wrong with talking to someone of the opposite sex.but now he know of my relationship with this guy i've only been talking to over the phone he says it was cool(he talked with him)i've seen this guy via web cam and we talked about alot of thing and my husband says he trust me and he's only going by what i said.So i think he wants to have that same kind of relationship w/o females on a phonechatline i told him eventually they would want to meet in person.he told me that he just want to be their friends(he stated to them he's married)do you think he's wasting these female time b/c he want to talk?or he's doing tic for tac

I had established this friendship with this guy do to the fact that me and my husband had communication issue with each other. now that we've started to communicate agian now its a whole another issue.I have no problem with him having female friends. but i think he's has a problem with me having a male friend do to the fact that we were not communicating with each other in the past..so now i think he feels guilty for me turning to another man and feels the need to do the same as i do just beacuse...I trust him and said he wants me to trust him which i do...but we keep bumping heads agian and that causes us to have disagreement with each other about the subject...I told him that we both love each other but not "IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER" b/c we seem not to value each other opinion on whatever topic that we've discussed

Answer 1

I think that friendships with the opposite sex are fine when you're talking about a couple who are involved in a healthy relationship, where trust is well estabilshed and the other spouse is fully comfortable with the friend (and perhaps, even friends with the person too!)

But your situation sounds more like trouble. You started corresponding/talking with a man when you are your partner were having problems communicating with one another. So instead of working on the issues within your relationship with your partner you opted to begin a "friendship" with another man.

I understand that you might not have planned the "friendship" and it really may have began innocently enough... and with no harmful intentions (because you were lonely and desperate for someone to talk to you and make you feel special) but it sounds like it isn't healthy for your marriage. Even though he might say otherwise, your husband is not comfortable with it... which is obvious now that he's planning to begin "friendships" with other women... sort of a retaliation for your behavior (tic for tac, as you say). It's obvious that he's trying to make you understand how he's been feeling while you've had this friendship with another man by showing you instead of just being open and honest and telling you. (It probably made him feel jealous, insecure and not good enough!)

I would recommend that you both stop speaking to your "friends" for the time being after explaining that you just need to devote your attention to your marriage. Your friend should understand.

Focus on healing your marriage and falling back "in love" with one another by making eachother your #1 priority. Marriage isn't always easy. There are highs and lows and you may fall in and out of love with one another countless times... but things can get better with effort.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

Babe' girl, you don't need 2 b talking 2 another man on the phone or any where else if your marriage is in trouble, you need 2 talk 2 a counselor U & Husband! What can your "friend" tell u about being married and communicating w/ ur man? And why does he have so much time 2 talk w/ u, where is his woman? The better ? 4 u 2 ask is do you and your husband want to be married anymore? Then y does it bother u that he would be on the phone or whatever kind of communication yaw r having w/ these people who r outside of your marriage. Don't get upset b/c he's doing what ur doing? Not tit 4 tat, how about it don't feel 2 good when the shoe is on the other foot!!! Come on now, wake up!!

Answer 3

Just remember don't complain when you put a boy rat and a girl in a cage together and all of a sudden you have lots of little rats! You are dealing with nature here. YOu have an emotional attachement to this other guy. YOu have stated that you are not inlove with your husband...(but you love him which is a nice way to spin off guilt). People tend to gravitate towards being "in-love". So be very careful not to get too deep into this guy.

Botton line. Cut the e-chat with the other guy. We both know he's not "just a friend". If you want your marriage to work then focus on YOUR HUSBAND! If you don;t then you will probably get a divorce somewhere down the line.

Good luck

Answer 4

There is no reason why you can not have friends of either sex. If one spouse feels threatened by a friendship they either have control or insecurity issues. It is also possible that they can not be friends with the opposite sex without sex bieng a factor, and think it is the same for everyone. Either way, it is thier problem to deal with, it you relent on this issue, you will begin a long slow slide of them controlling you, because of thier insecurities.

Answer 5

Yes, it is okay to have friends of the opposite sex before, during and after marriage.

People don't come into marriage out of a social vacuum. They both have families, friends, acquaintances, associates, etc. It's not only unfair but very immature to expect our spouse to rely only on us for friendship.

Maybe you two need to talk more openly (and with a marriage counselor maybe) regarding your friendships-outside-marriage issues. A lot of pain comes from unmaterialized fears.

Answer 6

Be careful, you both are opening a whole new can of worms. When you are married and talking ( b'ing about them to another) to another you will pull further away from your husband and make your marriage worse. Both get ride of the so called friends and focus on your marriage.

Answer 7

As long as you are open and honest with both your husband and the guy friend, I don't see a problem. I am married and also have fabulous guy friends. The problems start when you have secrets and have to sneak around.

Answer 8

Having a friend of the opposite sex is fine just be careful how friendly and be open about it with your spouse. But respect your spouses view if they see a p roblem.

Good Luck and God Bless!!

Answer 9

You are asking for trouble here. Why did you keep this guy a secret from your husband for two years IF your only interest in him is truly friendship?? I think you are trying to fool everyone, including yourself.

Answer 10

It is OK to have friends of the opposite sex but you should establish guidelines. Dont cross them and dont share what you wouldnt share with your spouse. TRUST is the key issue here.