My husband and I have been together for almost 2 years. I've noticed that he started treating me differently almost immediately after we got married. He always gets mad at me about stupid, little things. He makes sure I know how stupid and worthless I am. Today he got mad at me for some reason I'm not really sure of now because it was so small, but he told me that I am stupid, called me a *****. I asked him what was wrong, my answer was , " You being alive is whats wrong." Before I met him my confidence and self-esteem was better than it ever was, but then he came along and it's like he's tore me down into nothing.
Is this emotional abuse? What should I do about it? Should I leave him?
Do you think a family shelter would take me and my daughter in?(we have a 10 month old baby together)
2006-08-20 09:44:34 · 31 answers · asked by Carrie! 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow thats tough. My dad was very verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my two brothers. My mom left him several times through out my childhood. Each time, she would take us with her. i can tell you from experience that being uprooted every few months is hard on kids. My mom and dad have been married for almost 21 years, but my mom finally got tired of the crap and filed for a divorce. I think that children need a father, but not one that is going to leave them with emotional scares. Dont think for a second that he wont act like that with your daughter when she gets older. If he Truely LOVED you he wouldnt talk to you like that. Seeing my parents fight and being called names and hearing my mom being called a worthless ***** was aweful for me. I think you need to think about you daughter foremost and whats best for her. He isnt doing that or he wouldnt be treating his babys mom like that. im so sorry you are going through this, but be strong and know you are a beautiful woman who doesnt need a man to make her feel like shes worth something. There are men out there who will treat you like gold, dont settle for an asshole. If you want to talk more, send me an email.
2006-08-20 09:57:20 · answer #1 · answered by missskirts 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's emotional and mental abuse. It will get worst. If I don't line the salt and pepper shakers up I'm stupid. If I read a book and don't put it back immediately when I finish, I'm an ugly, out of shape *****. If I look at something on TV he doesn't approve of I'm sick. He yells about the least little thing and has put a hole in the wall twice, saying I'm stressing him and he's going to leave me when he finds and younger woman. A child shouldn't be raised in that kind of environment. A shelter would be better than where you are now. Be careful when you leave him, he may turn violent. I'm making secret plans to leave. After you leave he may be willing to seek counseling but I doubt it. You should to find out why you ignored the signs that are always there.
2006-08-20 17:09:40 · answer #2 · answered by tina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey it will only get worse not better. If he wants to call you a ***** it isn't because he loves you. He wants to tear you all the way down until you have no self esteem left. Don't play his games . He wants you under his control. As hard as it to believe that someone you married and loves can treat you this way it happens way to often. You and your daughter needs to find somewhere so you can get back on your feet. Yes, a shelter will take you in and help you. Go as fast as you and don't keep thinking it will get better because each time you do only more disappointment for you. Only you know whether you should leave him but if he treats you this way ask yourself is he worth all the pain and heartache your going through now.
2006-08-20 17:02:36 · answer #3 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should not stay you know physical abuse they hit it hurts and it goes away emotional abuse can and will last a lifetime the reason I am saying this to you I was in a relationship like that and what happens is you start believing everything that he says to you and you start feeling worthless but your not dont let anyone treat you that way no one ever has that right it will only get worse and you have a baby to think about you dont need him thats not love thats someone that is so unhappy with his own life that he needs to make you be the bad person when its really him.good luck to you sweetie take care...
2006-08-20 22:36:48 · answer #4 · answered by cassiday g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, this is mental abuse under the eyes of the law. Now what happens next is up to you. A family shelter may take you but usually they take physical abuse cases over mental but if you fear he might do something to either of you, then by all means contact one immediately. What is happening (you dont mention your ages) is that the honeymoon part of the marriage is over and now reality sets in and he feels let down because the marriage and family responsibilities are no where near what he expected and now doesnt know what to do about it. So hes blaming you for his missed expectations. If you feel the marriage is worth saving then try a marriage counselor, but if you think it wont help then its time to move on. You dont need to put up with this crap and you will come out ahead in divorce court unless youve been charged with or convicted of child or drug abuse. Chances are your husband is feeling trapped, way in over his head with no definite direction to turn and isnt sure what he exactly wants to do so offering him a way out may be just what he wants, but do whats best for your child and then you, in that order. You can also get a protective restraining order against him for your safety if needbe. It probably wont be easy but it will definitely be better then what you have now. Your self image and confidence will return in time once youre away from him. Good luck and please feel free to email me if I can be of further assistance.
2006-08-20 17:09:14 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he wants to control you, and that certainly
goes along with abuse. By keeping you down and feeling worthless, name calling and all that. It's only gonna get worse, don't allow him to do this to you one minute longer,
you have a 10 month old baby, you should be enjoying
this time of your life. There's help out there, you've just got to ask !!! Good Luck
2006-08-20 18:24:35 · answer #6 · answered by frustrated 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We both know that this IS emotional abuse, and you should not tolerate it one more second. Today, it's name calling, and hurtful comments. Next , it will turn physical. You need to leave, file for divorce, and never look back! Your self-esteem will improve immediately, once you make that decision. You deserve better, and so does your child!! Do you want her to grow up thinking that's the way women should be treated, and is acceptable? You owe her more than that, and youself too. Leave him!!
2006-08-20 16:54:41 · answer #7 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like emotional abuse. You may consider talking to a professional about what action you should take. A lot of women's shelters have support groups for abused women and provide a support network. Many also provide resources for women who are still currently in the abusive relationship.
2006-08-20 16:53:05 · answer #8 · answered by Someone Else 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some men ...and women think once your married you are a belonging that they now own...... and that you are treated as such.....it can turn to mental abuse and thats not nice.....you will be made to feel like you are nothing ...self worth is non existant...you will believe it too, as you will have lost your whole being...... all i can say is if you really love this man and you think that this is not really him, and that he has problems ..you should think about how much use you are going to be .....and he has the upper hand already...so maybe he needs to see whats hes gonna lose.. if he doesnt do something about it now.. on the other hand if there is no love now...yes you must go ...it will only get worse.. for the sake of your child....
2006-08-20 17:00:46 · answer #9 · answered by she wolf. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Carrie, This is definitely emotional abuse. I have been in the same position for almost 12 years. I admire how you are looking for options such as leaving him.
Please feel free to contact me should you just wish to talk. I found that friends helped me a lot and talking to people. The worst part is that one is usually to proud to involve family members etc. It is not always easy to leave, especially when kids are involved. There may be alternative ways to solve the problem. Be strong.
2006-08-22 04:23:58 · answer #10 · answered by Nomad 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋