How do i get my husbands attention?

Question

My husband spends 95% of his time on the computer playing EQ or WOW. He will spend hours on end sitting in front of his computer. I don't know what to do. I am tired of being ignored and pushed aside. He acts like its no big deal, like he doesn't play all that much. And gets defensive when i try and talk to him about it.. We have been fighting over this for almost 6 years. What do i do? Im tired of fighting and crying over this.. I think our children and i should come first not some stupid game.. any suggestions?

I appreciate all the answers.. Unfortunetly i have tried everything from talking to playin the games. I keep asking this question in hopes that someone will know the answer. Because i am at a complete loss. I dont know what to do anymore.. I love him soo much and i know he loves me.. How do we get past this, when he doesn't see that there is anything wrong? How do i fix us?

Answer 1

the guy who was picked as best answer last time you asked this queston is right, do something drastic, threaten to leave him, or actually leave him, not divorce (yet) but physically remove yourself from him, tell him choose his family or his game. the key is you have to mean it, if he thinks you won't really leave then he'll just ignore your warning.


read the answers from last time you asked this question http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgXd9ivqweT6L4PfsRxYxjDsy6IX?qid=1006053111869

Answer 2

i actually play EQ and the game is set-up for just this sort of thing to happen if your not just constantly playing then you lose the ability to play with the core group you normally do. He just needsto slack up a bit theres a group thats right behind him thats got a nice balance and hes just got to fall back into that group. No we're not the first to get such and such item but you can still enjoy the game (and enjoy it more from my experience). At the high -end of the game your gonna need 50-70 folks to do anything so those are sceduled pretty well. hes just gotta start making time for the home group. If nothing else tell him hes gotta work on "The Wife" faction. Actually asking about the game is pretty cool we know you havent got a clue tho but still cool. Yea just gotta make a night with no EQ let him pick a NoN-Raid night(nice term that will let him know you know something of the game) and allguilds have some of those nights because we all do have families. If hes that high theres already the chance he has a second account -try getting into the game --one night a week only in exchange for one night off. Just some ideas there. I will say there is no-way you can do two online games and have any life...gotta can one online game.

Answer 3

You and your children should come first. You could always invite his family over maybe they could talk some sense into him when they see how he spends his time. You could also give him a taste of his own medicine, such as get on the computer before him and stay on it for hours on end. When he's at work you can make the computer disappear. Make him jealous...just tell him there's a cute guy at work that really seems to have taken an interest in you he pays all kinds of attention to you - unlike him. After all that's what you fighting is temptation. If he feels he may be in the process of losing something important to him he may just wake up. You might consider telling him you'd like to get some counseling (since this has been going on for so long) because you're not far from ending it because he's not fulfilling his end as a father or a husband. Just make sure your able to make it on your own just to be on the safe side of things.

Answer 4

I know what you are going through, and I don't know if there is anything that will work. Mine sits on the computer the minute he comes through the door from work. I also try to ignore it but with kids its hard to. I have also found if I do my own thing it gets my mind off of it for a while, but a person feels all alone. And I keep thinking that kids grow up so fast, and he is missing out on the best time. But I guess he will figure this out when he is old and the kids are gone. But I would say to take the kids and do all the fun things that they want, at least you are spending quality time with them, don't know if this helps, like I said I am in that boat too.

Answer 5

Your husband has a computer addiction. Like any addiction he will need to hit rock bottom. I don't believe a computer addiction is worth ending a marriage over. Try to give him enough to do so that he doesn't have time to play. Another suggestion might be to sabotage the computer so he is forced to find something else to do. Marriage therapy would be good so he sees that it's a big deal when it affects the family as it does. Again, don't get a divorce over a computer addiction. He's not cheating, spending all the family finances, being abusive or going out with the guys. You always know where he is and you know he loves you.

Answer 6

My husband is the same. He helps with all the chore and the kids (when they were still at home), but I think, after that he thinks he's done his job and he is entitled to whatever he wants. He would settle down with his guitar, hours after hours.

We had fight over the last several years too, but men don't seem to understand that we need attention, intimacy.

If your husband is "neglecting" the kids, I think you can sit him down and have a serious talk. Tell him that HE and YOU should set aside, say, 2hrs per day with the kids (homework, play...). He will feel that you are not getting on his case. Be adamant about it because you are asking for the kids, not for yourself.

If you want some time for just the two of you, well, that is hard. Men seem to think that we women have to please them, not the other way.

Me, at this point, I am seriously thinking about finding a soulmate beside him. My strategy is that I will continue to tell him the importance of being together but if he doesn't change, I will drop the bombshell when I find someone.

I know it is bad but I had tried and it did not work...

Answer 7

I can understand what you are going through. My husband is amusician, so if he's not on the computer all the time, he's in the studio, or on the phone with his musician buddies. He hates when I get upset and cry, yet he would still do it. So finally, I sat him down, cried my eyes out, poured my heart out, and helped him to appreciate that I am human too, and I need attention just like the other person...and I am his wife, so while he wants to do his thing, he needs to readjust himself and try to live with me, and break out his whole bachelor's lifestyle.
I read what you said about your husband not listenin or even trying. I hate to say it, but if he doesn't even try, he doesnt want to care right now, and you probably need to leave with the kids, and go stay with a relative for a while. He probably needs to lose what he has in order to realize that he needs to change his ways.
You need to be stern and not friendly when you try to get his attention, give it to him cold, tell him raw.

Answer 8

Hi, your husband is , I think, stupid and ill because he let a beautiful lady and her children and play a stupid games as you said, look, you should divide the time of sitting in front of the computer with him, you should play the games as he did, you should make him realize that what makes him happy please you, share him in what he did, make him feel that you are interested in a way, you will notice first that you are changed, then , he will ask you or take your opinion about what he wants to know, and then , after he used to your existence by his side , withdraw slowly and turn back, do not forget your children . If this solution is out of your reach , so you should buy an other computer and do your duty to your children, whatever it should be done to make them happy and then sit in front of your computer and play with your children whatever you want, that means create your own world, at that time , i m sure that he will try to get in inside your world . if it does not work , let him in peace , and live your life, imagine that he did not exist, someday, he will realize that he has a family. thank you and good luck.

Answer 9

Honestly, I think you're the one that's playing games. First of all, what kind of person are you to take this type of treatment? Don't you value yourself more than that? You say that you know that he loves you. Well, apparently that's not enough for you or you wouldn't be complaining about this issue. There's something that you're holding on to that keeps you from divorcing or leaving him. Six years is a long time. I wouldn't stick around for another moment and let someone treat me like this. Don't stick around for the kids, cause they're not getting any of his time anyways. I think there's alot more to the story on your part than you're letting others know. If you're really dissatisfied, you would doing something that would get his attention. There's things that can be done. Anybody that stays in this type of relationship deserves what they get. Sorry, but I have no sympathy with someone that won't help themself.

Answer 10

I went through the same thing with my boyfriend. First off you got to understand a man's bond with his toys, their toys are addictive to them like football or sex. Next why don't you get interested into what he's doing......I know you may not give a rats butt about his games and computer but ask him questions about he's doing, show interest in what he's doing, also get on the computer too sometimes and have him teach you how to play games. If that doesn't work, girl you just have to find a hobby or go out with friends more often and don't seek quality time with him, trust me he will notice that he doesn't see much of you anymore and will come running to you asking for QT.

Answer 11

My husband and I both have computers and we also play games on ours as well. We play games on ours because it's relaxing for us after we get done with our jobs. But we dont ignore each other in the mean time. It's hard telling just how much your husband has on his mind that he's not sharing with you. Computers are a good distraction in other words. Some people just get more obsessed with it more then others. I wished i could help you more here, but i'm at lost for words. Good luck.