I'm single and pregnant...any ideas?

Question

I have just found out that I am pregnant by my ex boyfriend. I am 20, i live at home and I have no savings or anything to offer a baby. My parents have told me that if i ever fell pregnant while under their roof, i would be asked to leave...therefore homeless. I am against abortion and hate the idea of giving my baby up for adoption. I would love a baby but it's just not the right time. Please help me!

Answer 1

I seriously doubt that your parents would truly throw you and their unborn grandchild out on the street. Talk to them. Please. Let them help you.

Answer 2

Well, the good thing is that you've already made some important choices. You've decided against abortion and adoption.

However, you've also stated that this is NOT the right time for you.

I would suggest talking to your parents. And here's why: If you DONT tell them right away and try to hide your pregnancy, they will eventually find out, because at some point, you will start to show. Then they will be upset that you were not up front with them.

So I suggest telling them now. Sit down with them. Explain that you understand their rules, and you wanted to let them know of your situation as soon as possible. The should respect the fact that you are being honest with them up front.

With that said, they may or may not want to continue to support you buy living in their home.

If they don't, you may be able to find some kind of public assistance until you can get back onto your feet.

Secondly, check out the website www.freecycle.org. Join a a group in your area. I am a member, and I notice VERY often people giving away baby items for FREE. You can also post that you are looking for baby items.

This is a tough situation to be in, and I know you don't need a speech from me about using birth control to avoid pregnancy, etc, but now you know.

At least it sounds like you have a head on your shoulders, and know you need to make some serious choices for yourself and your baby.

Good luck

Answer 3

It may feel like the end of the world, but it doesnt have to be, really!
If you dont want an abortion and you dont want to give your baby up for adoption then the only other answer is to have the baby and raise it well!
I fell pregnant with my eldest as i was getting divorced, thought that it was going to cause no end of problems, made appointments to terminate the pregnancy but couldnt go thru with it! Hes now nearly 10years old, and as mouthy as he can be, i wouldnt change him for the world!
I had nothing to offer a baby either, i had moved out from the flat i shared with my 'ex' husband, left everything, so he would leave me alone, got him to agree to a divorce then a week after the divorce started, i told him i was pregnant. At the time i was worried stupid, but it does all sort itself out!
Im sure that even though your parents have said that they wont have you pregnant and under there roof, they probably wouldnt really throw you out but you need to tell them to find out what the reaction will be!
Hopefully they will do the parent kind of thing and stand by you, its one thing to say you would be out on the streets but another to actually do it and make you child homeless!!
They might be mad with you for a while, but its their grandchild at the end of the day, im sure they will see sense and help you out? And if they dont, just do it yourself....there are thousands of girls in worse situations then the one u are in so if you want the baby then have it!
Dont get rid of it, only to regret it for the rest of your life!
good luck xx

Answer 4

Well, my suggestion is to keep your baby. Tell your parents you are pregnant. They probably used it as a scare tactic to try to keep you from getting pregnant, but I doubt that they will have the heart to make their daughter and you child homeless. Trust that they will help you. If not, is there a good friend that you can stay with while you're finding a place of your own?
There are many benefits that you can claim to help with your baby, make sure you claim what you are entitled to. My guess is that you have been working, and therefore paid your taxes, so if any Smart Alec's out there want to criticize you and blame you for using their money that they have paid, simply tell them that you have been paying enough to claim back for a little while. It won't be forever. I know I'm probably going to be given some 'thumbs-down' ratings for mentioning benefits, but I don't see any harm in claiming them for a little while.
You have said that you would love a baby, so do not abort or or adopt him/her out.
You will find ways to manage with a baby.
Trust that everything will work out.
Don't let your parents throw you out- they cannot force you to leave.

Answer 5

First off you should have thought of all these things before you had unprotected sex. You are either going to have to suck it up and tell your parents (most likely they wont really kick you out), you have to have an abortion (which would probably be the right thing to do. OR you can find a local shelter and live there until they provide you with housing and you will then be given a job and be on welfare and living assistance which is not that great. Just remember you will be responsible for a child whom NEVER asked to be put in the situation that you would be putting this innocent child in. You might want to reconsider abortion and next time think before you do.

Answer 6

Although you may not like the idea of giving up the baby for adoption, it is probably in the baby's best interest. If you and your ex could work things out and be together, that may be an option too. If that is not an option, you need to think about what is best for the baby, not you. This child did not ask to be brought into this situation, and you need to try your best to provide it with a home with TWO loving parents, whatever that takes. I would strongly advise you not to try and do it alone, it is harder than you think. As a mother of two, and someone who has watched that situation unfold countless times, I would tell you it could be the biggest mistake of your life. You have already made the baby, now you need to deal with it as a mature adult...good luck!

Answer 7

If you are against abortion and not up for giving bady up for adoption then the best thing is to seek your own accomodation now before the bady is born. You can have your baby on your own like lots of other single parents, you can still go to work or college/university and the baby can go into childcare. Its as simple as that..unless your a real party girl there shouldnt be any problems.. you may find life hard at times with a baby but there are many people who find life hard and dont have children. Your parent will come round to the idea of being grandparents and probably they will help you lots and lots..... good luck xx

Answer 8

this sounds bitchy but if it wasn't the right time then you shouldn't have had unprotected sex at age 20 you should have known the possible consecence. sorry

now the advice>

don't panic having a baby is a fantastic experience. my parents told me all that stuff but when i fell pregnant at 17 they were over the moon and are so chuffed with my little boy.
however if they do kick you out that the coucil will be able to house you and as far as the money is concerned don't panic either. you get £70 per month child benefit no matter what and depending on your income you should get child tax credits and working tax credits if you go back to work. you can apply for these before babys born i'm sure. the other thing is a sure start maternity grant which the government give to certain people which you don't have to pay back and you can used it to buy whatever yoiu need for the baby
visit http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/
http://www.direct.gov.uk/Bfsl1/BenefitsAndFinancialSupport/BenefitsAndFinancialSupportArticles/fs/en?CONTENT_ID=10018854&chk=PLNnya

good luck

Answer 9

good for you for knowing that even though you would love a baby, that now is not the right time for you. no one can tell you what to do with your body or your baby. there are so many young women these days that choose to keep their child even though they will have to live off welfare for the rest of their lives. that isn't fair to you or the baby. not saying that would happen to you, but that's the direction you are headed. adoption is always a great choice. I am an adopted child. there are thousands of couples that are just looking for the chance to give a baby a loving home. you can even choose the couple if you want to. whatever your decision, make sure it is the right on for you. in the mean time, talk to your parents about this. you will need their support in whatever you decide.

Answer 10

Maybe your parents didn't really mean that. Maybe they just said it to scare you and to try and be extra careful when having sex. Are you still intouch with your ex? He should help you financially at the very least, and hopefully you two can come to an agreement on who looks after the baby at what days etc. So you might not have to do this all on your own. I would also speak to your friends and they will all hopefully help you out and be there for you. It will probably be tough, but like you I don't agree with abortion so I think you should just have the baby and take each day as it comes. I am sure it will be fine. Good luck with it

Answer 11

Dont listen to all of these crazy people. They have no idea what its like and they arent taking this question seriously.

If you think talking to your parents isnt an option, i will go with that. I mean, you may have to move in with a friend, or even a local homeless shelter. Our local one isnt even bad at all. Im serious. Your main concern is taking care of a baby.

Its completely doable, dont let anyone tell you any differently. There is tons of support set up for single mothers. You arent alone in this. I dont think you should get an abortion, and im a pretty damn liberal person. I think you need to contact your ex and let him know that you are pregnant and that you intend to have it (if you do) You can get child support from him.

Above all, you need to get a full time job and save up like there is no tomorrow. Some people are right, you had sex, and now you have to deal with it, but i dont mean it in a bad way. Thats life, you know? But just because you are pregnant it doesnt mean it is the end of the world, or the end of your life.

I think you should tell your parents, and let them know that if its their way of showing their "love" for you by kicking you out, then fine. If my parents did that to me though, i would make it clear that i would never be contacting them again. I think thats highly irresponsible of them. If they love you then they will not kick you out. And if they do, its their own fault, not yours. It would be their fault that they are so closeminded. You cant help you got pregnant, but by kicking you out, they are punishing you AND the baby.

I know it seems overwhelming, but the first thing you want to do if you are serious about having the baby is WORK YOUR *** OFF. You can take care of this baby, you are entirely capable, just get a job, and go from there.

Its gonna be hard, dont take the easy way out. If you were younger it would be different, but you are an adult, you know whats right and whats wrong. You actually have the ability to take care of the child, its not like you are 14, or anything like that.

If its not the right time to have a baby, then its not the right time to have sex. I am a firm believer that we should deal with the problems that our actions bring about. And this time, it isnt a speeding ticket, or a fine, or anything like that. Its a human, and i think you should go through with it. You are perfectly capable if you want to do the right thing.