I am married (to a man) and in the prosses of divorce. I really like a lesbian pal of mine. We have gone out a few times we have had sex. I am always the one who calls or asks about going out. When I ask her if she wants me to persue her or to leave her alone she says she wants to date me and she wants me to call her. If it is always my idea to go out, is she really interested or is she just being nice? I feel like I am chasing someone who would rather be left alone even tho she denies it. What do you ladies think?
HELP!
2006-08-20 08:13:30 · 12 answers · asked by Lara C. 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
My opinion........and maybe I'm off base....but you say you are in the process of a divorce. Hopefully, she's a kind, thoughtful, and sensitive woman who is just trying to give you your space. Maybe she just trying to avoid any possible blame for your divorce, hence you make the calls and set up the dates. Chances are good she's crazy about you and has a very level head. I'd believe her and I'd keep calling. She sounds like a keeper.
2006-08-20 08:40:04 · answer #1 · answered by jax1962 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Let's put this into perspective. You're married. You're in the middle of a divorce. I don't know how messy the divorce is, but no matter how amicable, there is always some kind of tension. You don't say if you're out all the way, or if this was the impetus of the divorce.
It only stands to reason that a sane woman would let you make all the moves at this point. You are not technically "free" yet, if you and she start a relationship now, that might alter any kind of settlement that you would get after the divorce and let's not even say anything about kids.....not sure if you have any, but if you do, she's probably trying to protect them, you and herself all at the same time.
I don't think you should expect any kind of major overture on her part until the divorce proceedings are final. She doesn't want to put her heart on the line until you are finally a "free woman" and who can blame her? There's a lot of drama here, and she is trying to save herself from it, and trying to make things as easy on you as possible. She knows you are going through a lot of things right now and probably doesn't want to make things any more complicated. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Ask her about it, bring up all these points. If she says that these are pretty close to the reasons that she won't make the first move, don't be too hard on her. There's a difference between dating and sex and dating, and sex, and divorce and drama all rolled into one.
2006-08-20 16:51:19 · answer #2 · answered by Autumn BrighTree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to be the friend you are talking about. About a year ago I met a married girl going through divorce and really like her. We went out a few times and hooked up a few and I felt really bad about it. I never wanted to call her or ask her out in fear of others thinking I caused the divorce and didn't want to be a home wrecker. Anyways, she kept pursuing me and after her divorce was final, we began our relationship.
If she didn't want to be with you, then she would let you know. She is probably just scared to get involved totally with you because of the divorce not being final. Keep making the dates and hanging out and after your divorce is final I'm sure things will change in her amount of interest she shows.
Good Luck
2006-08-20 16:35:32 · answer #3 · answered by Meg_6484 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im withJax1962 on this one. Shes probably letting you settle what you have going on with your divorce and is taking a submissive role. She wants you to make the first move all the time because she probablyt thinks that you maybe unsure/stressed etc with everything goin on and would rather that everything is goin on your call. So stay in there...and in doubt..ask her straight out..because shes giving you mixed messages.
2006-08-20 16:59:46 · answer #4 · answered by twisted_goddess_x 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it for what it's worth. She says she wants to date and for you to call her, what's the problem? She seems to be up front with what she wants. Do you know what you want? Maybe she doesn't want anything serious or other than what she says. You shouldn't either going through a divorce (with a Man).
2006-08-20 16:49:53 · answer #5 · answered by The Beast 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's being submissive. You have to step up and be more dominant. People are capable of playing both masculine and feminine roles, your friend obviously wants to play feminine so if you want to get in the loop go masculine.
Take not that you have command of the situation and when in charge, take charge.
It doesn't take a lesbian to help you through this one.
2006-08-20 15:21:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think if she wasn't interested she'd tell you when she had the opportunity. Perhaps she doesn't want to get involved with someone still married to someone else.
2006-08-20 15:55:01 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she is interested but is being cautious until the divorce is over.
2006-08-20 19:27:57 · answer #8 · answered by Scully 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree with jax. She doesn't want to pressure you into anything.
2006-08-20 16:30:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think she may really want to go out with you... she would have rejected you already if she wasn't interested.
2006-08-20 15:28:29 · answer #10 · answered by kittens 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋