I have a male friend that i been talking to for a 2years.now that my husband knows now he wants to be open and have females friends too.I don't have a problem with him have females friends. i just thinks that he now all of a sudden wants to have a female friend of b/c i have one.he told me he's been wanting to have females to talk to but he didn't b/c he thought it was wrong with talking to someone of the opposite sex.but now he know of my relationship with this guy i've only been talking to over the phone he says it was cool.(he talked with him)i've only met this guy once and we talked about everything and my husband says he trust me and he's only going by what i said.So i think he wants to have that same kind of relationship w/o females on a phonechatline i told him eventually they would want to meet in person.he told me that he just want to be their friends(he stated to them he's married)do you think he's wasting these female time b/c he want to talk?or he's doing tic for tac?
2006-08-20 08:05:23 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I had established this friendship with this guy do to the fact that me and my husband had communication issue with each other. now that we've started to communicate agian now its a whole another issue.I have no problem with him having female friends. but i think he's has a problem with me having a male friend do to the fact that we were not communicating with each other in the past..so now i think he feels guilty for me turning to another man and feels the need to do the same as i do just beacuse...I trust him and said he wants me to trust him which i do...but we keep bumping heads agian and that causes us to have disagreement with each other about the subject...I told him that we both love each other but not "IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER" b/c we seem not to value each other opinion on whatever topic that we've discussed
2006-08-20 10:34:13 · update #1
Well, it's possible that he was avoiding female friendships so that you wouldn't feel threatened, then now realizes that it's "okay" since discovering you have a guy friend.
But you do right by feeling a bit "squeamish" about it. Relationships usually develop "naturally." IOW, people talk to others without thinking much about it, and persist in the ones they enjoy. If they don't enjoy any, then no friendship is pursued.
Your husband seems spontantously (i.e., when he found out YOU had a guy friend and thus he could justify him having female friends) interested in suddenly "making" all these new women friends. The fact he is purposefully trying to create these female friends at the drop of a hat, rather than just living life and letting them develop naturally, is more along the behavior of a guy who plans to flirt and/or "play around" -- even if he doesn't plan to primarily cheat on you.
So I think he's playing with fire (whether purposefully or accidentally) and his motivations are probably not right.
(Of course, I'm also considering the fact that the guys who normally go on chatlines are NOT there to make deep, meaningful friendships with women -- they're there to pick up chicks.)
If your husband develops a friendship with a woman or two at work or elsewhere, and you have talked with her and know her, that would probably be less worrisome than him going on the chatlines, which is the phone equivalent of going to a bar to meet chicks.
2006-08-20 08:23:27 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having aquaintances of the opposite sex and having close friends of the opposite sex are two different things. In my opinion, having very close friends of opposite sex in the marriage is inappropriate especially when one spouse does not approve. I don't know why your husband suddenly feels that he wants female friends. My guess is he's thinking that since you have one, he can do the same thing. In other words, tit for tat. There's really not much you can say since you're doing the same thing. If you're both okay with the idea then go ahead. Personally, friendships such as these have the potential to lead to complications in the marriage, especially if the nature of the friendship is very close.
2006-08-20 15:33:53 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are BOTH playing with fire - developing friendships with people of the other sex while you are married is risky behavior. Long phone conversations and emotional bonds with someone other than your husband makes me question what you are doing. What is your husband not giving you and you find in another man? If I were you, I would end any friendships (not acquaintances) with men and would ask my husband to avoid looking for friendship with other women. Be honest with yourself, do you really want your husband talking hours to another woman and building an emotional bond with her? If the answer is no, then give your husband the same courtesy.
2006-08-20 16:47:45 · answer #3 · answered by Heather L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend/fiancee has several female friends. One of which he has known since school. I'm afraid I really hate the *****, not through jealousy but because we don't get on - she has been a complete COW to me in the past - everytime my BF and I had a row or anything went wrong he would ring her up to talk to and then she'd phone or text me and start being horrible to me! So I told her to go **** herself and haven't spoken to her since. He still talks to her and now we're having a baby she wants to be all friends again but I don't like her and don't want to be friends with her.
He has another female friend who I don't trust because she is psychologically a bit unstable (thinks having sex with lots of men makes her feel better about herself) and is basically a complete slag and I know she fanices him. But I trust him so that if she did try to make a move on him he'd tell her no.
He also has a couple of female friends who are lovely and I get on well with. If he goes out to see them I usually go with him.
I think it depends on who the friends are and how you as the wife get on with them. Its not wrong to have friends of the opposite sex but if you and they don't get on or your suspect their motives are more than just "friendly" it can cause problems.
2006-08-20 15:15:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
one of my best friends is a girl and although i am somewhat lucky cause my fiance and her get along there are times when i have to just let them work their stuff out i am not saying i ever take my friends side as i would always back my wife but it is nice to have a female friend who u can count on plus i thing my fiance knows that since my friend and i have been friends for so long and nuthin happened that nuthin will happen to jepordize our relationship
2006-08-20 16:10:27 · answer #5 · answered by JOHNATHAN A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's doing a tic for tac or what good for the goose is good for the gander
2006-08-20 15:16:10 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i try to stay away with male friends it doesent show a good apearance it is easy to fall into temptation my opinon is you can have a male friend have your husband be friends too dont be alone with your friens your marriage is more important
2006-08-20 15:24:29 · answer #7 · answered by michelle h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think neither of you should have friends of the opposite sex.
2006-08-20 15:49:05 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Incredible 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋