Do I have an abortion?

Question

I am 9 weeks pregnant and have decided that the Father is no good for me. I am 39 years old. I am unsure wether to go ahead with this pregnancy alone. His Mother is very upset and wants me to keep it as it will be their only grandchild. I am scared to bring it up alone as I have a career and my life to think about. I have a 21 years old daughter who i brought up alone and know how hard it is being a single parent. I feel guilty on this baby if I have an abortion.. what do i do?

Answer 1

I'm going to be blunt here, but please understand it is out of genuine concern for both you and your child. It is not your baby's fault that the father is a jerk. It is not the baby's fault that you have a "career and life to think about." None of the circumstances of your life are a good justification for taking the life of your son or daughter. I know it will be hard to be a single parent, but it is your baby's LIFE at stake here. I'm sure you don't wish that your 21-year-old daughter was dead, just because it was difficult raising her. She deserved life, and so does this child. The baby in your womb is no less your child and no less worthy of life than your born daughter. He or she is depending on you, his or her mom, for love and protection. Don't let him or her down.

At nine weeks, your baby has a beating heart, recordable brain waves, and tiny fingers and toes. He can suck his thumb, grasp an object placed in his palm, and feel pain. Here are some photos of what your baby looks like right now:

http://www.studentsforlife.uct.ac.za/foetal%20dev%20photos.html
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-2-prenatal.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/3847319.stm
http://www.justthefacts.org/clar.asp

and some photos and video of aborted babies at 9 weeks:

http://www.cbrinfo.org/Resources/pictures.html
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-4-video.html

Here's some information about your baby's ability to feel pain, possibly as early as 7 weeks:

http://www.advocatesfortheinnocent.com/fetalpain.html

I know these things are hard to look at and read, but it is very important that you know the truth. The people who sell abortions aren't going to give you unbiased information. Abortion is also very dangerous for you:

Abortion Risks:
http://afterabortion.info/complic.html
http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/effect_of_abortion.asp

Abortion Deaths:
http://www.lifedynamics.com/Pro-life_Group/Pro-choice_Women
http://www.afterabortion.info/news/abortiondeaths.html
http://www.lifeissues.org/ru486/deaths.htm

You should know that there is plenty of free help for you. If you go to a crisis pregnancy center, they can give you referrals for financial, medical, legal, and housing assistance, free ultrasounds (at some centers), free maternity and baby supplies, and counseling and emotional support. You can find one near you here:

http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp

or by calling 1-800-395-HELP.

Finally, here is an organization which specializes in helping college and career women:

http://www.nurturingnetwork.org

Please give people a chance to help you. You feel guilty because you have a conscience and a heart that is not yet hardened against your baby. You can still do the right thing!

Answer 2

Hard decision, raising kids alone is hard as it is, OK so you have a 21yr old, old enough to understand your predicament & a career that probaly could be slightly adjusted. I dont know your situation, but,why is this going to be the only grandchild on his side?The grand parents are irrelevant, it is you who needs to make the decision for your self & your unborn.If you have any doubts on how this might effect your life in a detramental way, then the decision is an easy one, but if you can juggle work & a baby, why not?At 39 it might be your last chance to have another child, which is worth thinking about, dont have the father around to play daddy, yes it is important, but not a great need. i am a single mum of 3 grown girls, & have had to bring them up without their fathers help, it can be done as you know, but hard.Think of what the pros & cons are , how your daughter feels about the situation, & how this might effect the relationship you already have with her. Bottom line decision is yours, & yours alone, with many things to consider.I cannot have anymore children & have been in a wonderful second marriage,but I am happy just in this situation.As the guy I married didn't want kids. I now have 2 grandsons, one 6 & one new born.I am 44. Good luck in eery sence.

Answer 3

This is a very touchy topic. First off i'm gonna say that i'm not gonna tell you what you should personally do. That is a decision that only you alone can make. Whereas, I've never been in this particular situation I do not have right to pass judgement or give advice.
However, here's my insight and I hope that it helps. I'm Prochoice. But I only condone abortion in extreme circumstances such as rape.
Here i dont see that as being your reason. What I do see is that you were in a relationship that for whatever reason has fallen short of your expectations. And now you don't wanna have a kid because of the issues and troubles it might bring up.
Right?
My apologies but...i may never be able to have children personally so that does shape my view on this somewhat. While i'm not in a situation to afford supporting a child now, I hope that someday when I am that there is one out there for me to adopt.
Have you overlooked this opition?
I mean i know pregancy can make you miserable. But the child is already created. It shouldn't be punished for a mans mistakes. Men make lots of mistakes. Just as we ourselves do. And sometimes everyone falls short of someone elses expectations.

I had a friend once that was the product of her mothers drug abuse and she paid for it before she was even born. She was one of the sweetest people that I ever had the pleasure of knowing. She said that she got to meet her mother. Though she didn't talk about it much, though she went through a lot in her life, Manda was telling me that she was glad that her mother decided to have her.
She, of course is more religious then I am.
I'm more spiritual but thats entirely beside the point.

I can say that i know people that have had an abortion and, it always stays with you.
I wouldn't want that kind pain for myself..personally of course. But even though i wont tell you what to do ..hopefully i gave you some insight.

Answer 4

Nobody here can make that decision for you, contrary to what others can tell you. This ultimately has to be your decision. With that, although his mother wants you to keep it, if her son is not going to be in your life and help out, you're going to be left doing the work of raising a child you're not sure you want to have. You shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty if you do decide to have an abortion. I have known many girls and women decide it was their best choice and were able to move on with their lives. Think about the welfare of the child too if you do decide to continue the pregnancy - Can you give it the best life possible? Or are you goin to struggle again at a time in your life when you need time for yourself?

Take care. I know you'll make the right decision.

Answer 5

I know from experience what you are going through truly, I am 42 now had my last son at 39 and i too was hesitant about having another child alone, i now have 3 sons. 22, 8, and 3. I consider having a abortion for the fact that the father whom which i did not know at the time we were dating for many months was married, whn i found out i was heart broken, but i spoke to my mother whom which is now deceased, told me i should keep this child although if felt bad, that i was going to hurt his wife. My mother told me if i did this because of the two of them i would probably make them happy but my heart would always be full of sorrow especially since i already had kids and new what it was like to raised them. She was right my baby is now 3 and i just love him to pieces and even though things are hard sometimes we always get by. and i always thank my mom for helping me with my choices and wish she was here today with us.

Answer 6

Think of all the woman out there that want babies and cant have them. How unfair of you to automatically think of an abortion. Adoption is a much more effective way to handle this problem. Or did you ever think that maybe you should own up to the mistake of having unpertected sex. Raising a baby is no doubt hard, but everything happens for a reason. Maybe this baby has a pupose, ever think about that. So before you do the abortion thing at least look into adoption!!!!!

Answer 7

No one can tell you what to do in a situation like this. If you do have an abortion will you be able to live with that decision for the rest of your life? Remember that it is not the child's fault that the "dad" is no good. You are not alone. You have your family and his family. Things may not be easy,but they never are. I am confident that you will my the right choice. What ever you do I wish nothing but the best to you and your family.

Answer 8

You should have the abortion and get on with your life. No need to go through a mess like that a second time, especially now that you're older and may not always have the strength and energy required to take care of a child/adolescent/teenager. At this point in your life, you should be worrying more about you and seeing that your own needs are met, not reliving the mistakes of your youth.

Answer 9

its a hard decision, youre 39, unsupportive father, a career on its way, but with pregnancy, i dont think so, in 10 years you will be 49, 8 years after that you will be 57 who knows what will happen in that time, plus you are in a high risk of having a baby, i suggest you also get your doctor's advice wether youre healthy to have it or not, i personally would say, yes.

Answer 10

This is a decision that you will have to make. You do what you feel is the right thing to do. You are the one that has to live with your decision. Abortion is very hard to deal with. My husband forced me when I was 19 to have an abortion, he drugged me then took me in for the abortion. To this day I never forgave him, I still think about what could have been. An no Im not with him anymore... Its not the baby's fault. Adoption is good but that to you will have to deal with having the baby and then letting go. good luck with your choice..