How do you tell your parents that you were sexually abuse as a child?

Question

when i was about 5 yrs old i believe i was sexually abuse by one of my cousins, I dont remember very well what happened but i have one memory that always comes back ..it was when he was havin intercouse with me....i told my mom about it when we had a fight ...& it seems that she doesnt believe she thinks im just making it up.....what can i do to make them believe me that it really happened but that i have blocked those memories for 11 yrs?

Answer 1

First of all: ignore docjp. I think it's perfectly normal for you to want to share this experience with your parents. I don't think it will destroy their lives if you tell them what happened to you. You're only sixteen years old. I'm also not satisfied with the easy statement that your experience was "due". Maybe your mother has a hard time accepting the fact that you were raped and maybe that's why she refuses to acknowledge the fact that it really happened. Someone else suggested that you go and see a therapist. I think that's a good idea. That will give you the chance to get a clear picture of what has actually happened. Since you're quite young the therapist will probably want to have a talk with your parents. A therapist can help your parents cope with the fact that something awful has happened to you and he/she can give your parents some advice in handling the situation. Even if your parents don't acknowledge what happened, there will be other people who will do that. Please don't doubt yourself or your self worth. What happened was not your fault and you should not be blamed. Good luck dear.

Answer 2

I am sorry that they don't believe you. Sometimes I think that next to the abuse itself, that is the hardest part. At least if they believe you then you feel -- I'm not sure -- maybe that your feelings are valid. I know a person in almost the exact same situation as yours, and recently she talked to one of the people (also a cousin) that did it to her. She found out that an older friend of the family (also someone she had suspected) had done the same to him, when he was little, and he just acted out what he'd learned. It still doesn't make it right, but it helped on the forgiveness and validation parts.
Well, you aren't alone, I have heard that many people do block out those kinds of things. Or they imagine that they are really someone else -- maybe floating "away" while the "stuff" is happening to the person still "down there." So for your families info-- you would just be one of many people who blocked things out. Why do they think you are abnormal? Sometimes they refuse to "believe" you, because it is really them refusing to accept that it could have happened to you, while you were under their care. Maybe you need to tell your mom that you don't blame her. They cannot be everywhere at all times. Moms are after all--only human.
Maybe you could talk to other kids in the family and see if it happened to them, too. Also, if it is possible, I would talk to the offender, you know the situation, and sometimes it may not be the best idea. Like for instance if they are unstable, or might do you further harm. But, if it is possible that it is still happening, and a lot of times it is, then you need to have them put away. They don't need to hurt other children.
Girl, I believe you, and I am sorry that it happened. They don't realize that they rob kids of more than virginity. They take a lot from the rest of a persons life.
Anyway, you have told someone, that is your first step to getting better. And along the way, remember that he is the one who did something wrong, and his perverted actions, cannot make you anything bad. Don't think less of yourself because of it. Also, you have to focus on the fact that this is ONE thing that happened to you. It cannot define you. Don't let it. (It will if you let it.) Concentrate on the good things that are in your life, and if you don't have any right now, make some. And never forget to pamper yourself just a little...in a good and healthy way... you deserve it. Please take care of yourself.
"Pretend" that I sent you a nice bouquet of big old creamy colored roses like maybe Cherokee roses, with something purple or blue and "spikey" that has little flowers all down the stem, like delphiniums or larkspur. Anyway, it would be pretty.

UPDATE: I don't believe the person above that said it was "due you." No kid ever should have to go through that and it is NOT DUE them!! (I'm not yelling at you, it just ticks me that anyone could think an innocent child is "due" that kind of thing. What were they thinking???) Ignore people like that!!

Answer 3

I'm sorry about what happened to you and that the talk with your mom didn't go well. I've studied a bit of psychology and I've found that for most people, denial is the way that they help themselves to fully comprehend and accept what they're being told.
I think you should think about whether it's really important to you to let your parents know what happened to you. If it is, then maybe you should try seeing a counselor. Tell him what happened and ask him to speak to your parents, or if you can stand it, go together with your parents and have him hear both sides out. If it's not so important to you that they understand, then it's only fair that you let them know, but don't try to push it too much. Maybe your mom's not ready or just can't deal with it yet. Think about how you would feel if you had a daughter and she told you what you would just told your mom. How would you like her to tell you in a way that you could understand? Then give that a try...

Answer 4

I can´t tell you what to do. But I have been through this. But it wasn´t family, a group in the neighborhood raped me every day. I was too afraid to talk about it, because they told me if I would they would hurt my family. When I was sixteen I ran away from home, I couldn´t live with it. But my social worker started to tell my mother that my father had sexual abused me, because I had symptoms of sexual abused. Finally I talked about it and told the thruth. I also had to tell my parents, but my parents got angry and didn´t wanted to talk to me, because those guys told my mom they would hurt her because I wasn´t there anymore.
Years later I had a talk with my parents. Both feel guilty, because they couldn´t help me.
Sometimes it need a lot of time for them to accept what happened. This is something you read about in newspapers, and not in your family. Not you daughter, not your son. Feeling guilty of not being able to understand or they couldn´t have protect you from it. I know it hurts when they tell you that you lie or when they tell you it´s your own mistake. By giving signs or what ever!
But trust me, as long you know the thruth, and it doesn´t matter what you had on of clothes or how young you were, it´s wrong to have sex or other sexual intercouse while you were so young or you said no.

If you really want your mother to be on your side, talk to somebody who is a proffesional, maybe she-he can talk to you mother. Keep on telling it wasn´t something you made up. Tell her you need her to believe you and be on your side, because you need to get over this. And it´s easier when you have somebody supporting you than do it all alone, because trust me, it will stay with you forever. I am now almost 29, it´s 14 years ago, but still I have it difficult. I have a great boyfriend who understands me, but it much easier when you can talk it with persons you trust the most. Thankfully my parents believe me since a couple of years, but they also still have it difficult. It was their own daughter they couldn´t protect.

Answer 5

I'm sorry for what happened to you. You come across as being a very smart young lady I got that feeling by the way you asked your question. So is anything happining to you now that would cause you to want to reveal this to them now. I think you should seek help from someone you trust. An older person not your friends.

Answer 6

If possible, talk with a therapist first and process your feelings and the experience and then if you still want to address the issue with your parents your therapist can assist you in that process by being there to support you when you tell your parents.

Answer 7

Sorry, but your Mother is a dumb *****, just like mine. I wouldn't bother telling her again. I told my mom about what happened to me three times and she always toldme I was lying. Then when he went toprison for molesting someone elses j\kids, she still refused to believe me. I think you just have to try to protect yourself, tell your dad. Obviously your mom is not strong enough to handle it. Mine wasn't and still isn't.

I'm sorry.

Answer 8

You can't *make* anyone believe what they don't want to. It stinks, but sometimes you have to accept that as reality and accept the non-believers for who they are.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Ask to see a counsellor, with or without them. The counsellor can be neutral and listen, and give your parents credible advice on what he/she thinks is going on.

Answer 10

don't know. That's a hard one. Don't believe I ever was abuse by my parents in any form.