My husband and I have four children, now all grown. After our youngest moved out, I left my husband. All during the marriage I asked and pleaded that he clean up. He would often lie to me, saying he quit, but I found out after the fact that he was indeed still using. My husband and I have been seperated for three years -- I can not afford to pay for a divorce and he just assumes we will be back together any time now. My husband did attend treatment for three months after I left him, but every time I see him (family functions, etc) he is having a 'few' drinks . At our son's wedding on Friday night he became intoxicated and my children felt it was my duty to bring him home -- as he is my husband. I refused and left the reception. What can I do? They don't get it.
2006-08-20 07:35:40 · 13 answers · asked by Pam E 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would divorce him, check out your states seperation laws and you can get a divorce kit on the web most countrys willl have the papers on line, and you can ask the court to let you file as a poor person and it should not cost you a dime then
Your kids will have to deal with it in there own way
2006-08-20 07:53:23 · answer #1 · answered by twistedsingle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Reasons? Does he drink too much at social occasions because he can not cope with the stress of the event? In a way that is easier to manage than having a pint of whisky with his breakfast cornflakes.
In my opinion, an alcoholic is someone who will not go to bed if there is still an unfinished bottle of alcohol in the house. Does he qualify? Or does he just have too many on occasions which are likely to cause the maximum embarrassment to his family?
2006-08-20 15:59:21 · answer #2 · answered by XT rider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids just love him, faults and all, because he's their father. They have unconditional love for him, which is why they can see past his drinking. You did what you have to do by leaving him and he's an adult...I guess in some people's eyes (your kids) since you are still married then it looks as though he is your responsibility....it is expensive but in order to fully cut ties you just need to get the divorce. Even something as severe as the divorce may cause him to see that he needs to sober up. As for your kids, like you said, they are fully grown so it's gonna be up to them to deal with their father and his problems. You can't stress over the situation and try to make them see their father in your point of view. Do what you have to do as a mother and hope that they will see the light on their own.
Good Luck.
2006-08-20 14:53:54 · answer #3 · answered by makeitclap23 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately you know he will not change. I'm sorry. I do commend you for staying with him while you had young children. It seems as though your children don't understand all that went on with his drinking. GOOD JOB not taking your frustration on them! Now that they're all adults you should have a talk with all of them and let them know why you can't help their father. He will need to fall and hit rock bottom before he cleans up.
2006-08-20 15:10:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's amazing you "get it" and neither your husband nor relatives do understand what you are going thru. One wonders how bad
things have to get for an addict to figure it out. I was lucky.
I never got in trouble, and never hurt my health or friends.
You deserve to move on, and leave him behind, totally.
I'd seek some support group. Talk to your doctor even,
there are plenty of people out there willing to help for little or nothing in return.
2006-08-20 15:14:06 · answer #5 · answered by rjm96 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have property or something ,you can get a divorce yourself thru the county...only costs about $35. to file the papers and if you go to www.divorcepapers.com you will find what you need there...
You have been separated for three years and he is not your responsibility and you were right not to take him home...Your kids need to understand that you are entitled to a life of your own.....and your ex is not your problem anymore...The only way he is going to stop drinking is by himself ...he has to be the one to say he has a problem and do something about it...
2006-08-20 14:59:49 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, for one, your children did not CHOOSE this man, you did. So in my opinion, he is your responsibility. He is the man you choose to bring children into the world with. They did not get to choose him as their dad, that as your doing.
So you should be the one to have to deal with this.
Sorry, but I hate it when people cop out, and try to lay the responsibility of the "bad" spouse on the family.
You, and only you decided that he was "the one." Now you have to live with that.
I agree, divorce him, but its not your kids job to baby sit him. YOU made him part of the family.
2006-08-20 16:20:31 · answer #7 · answered by leahlovesspam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a sad situation. I agree with you that it was not up to you to babysit him and take him home when he showed up intoxicated. Apparently losing his wife was not a wake-up call enough for him. Save up your money and get a divorce and be done with him. His problems are no longer yours. Good luck.
2006-08-20 14:52:46 · answer #8 · answered by bluez 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Getting a divorce would be the best answer. You can both mediate it or ask him for maintenance which might help you get back on your feet after the divorce is final.
2006-08-20 14:49:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your children are always going to love their father no matter what his faults. They will come around and realize one day that you did what you had to do. You dont need that kind of relationship. I think you did the right thing.
2006-08-24 14:43:35 · answer #10 · answered by forgetmenot79323 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋