I have been married for 3 yrs now. I love my man very very much. About two years into the marrage he got involved with pills (I don't do anything. I barely even drink!) and I have asked him to stop. there have been countless fights about it. 3 months ago he got into an acsident because of being messed up on pills. He has promised not just for me but for his self that he would stop but I have cought him 3x doing it again. and to make it harder that he lost his job because of it and he hasn't worked for the last 3 months. He says that I'm not being supportive and he feels like I'm aginst him. I thought I was being Suportive by letting him take his time to try to quiet the drugs and I thought that by not leaveing him like I sometimes felt like doing that I was NOT aginst him. I have gotten fed up and yes I guess I have been mean. And I feel bad about it. I guess why I'm putting this out is becuse I want to know what outher people would do in my situation. Please respond nicely!
2006-08-20 07:17:36 · 19 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey hold up before you start feeling bad. He is manipulative. That is what he is doing to you manipulating. trying to control you by making you feel bad. Its his fault he got into an accident. Its his fault he lost his job. Its his fault he hasnt worked in three months. I blame you for not kickin his sorry *** into gear if thats what he needs to acomplish something. luck to you
Kristen, been there done that.
2006-08-20 07:26:14 · answer #1 · answered by leaves_of_autumn171311 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
technically you are being whats called an "enabler". By not following through with your threats/promises then you might as well get the pills for him. He has got to make the conscious decision to make the change. You can't do that for him. But speaking from experience he will not change unless he believes there is a better reason to change than staying on the pills. You have got to think about yourself at this point. You can't feel badly about being in a dangerous situation, and it is very dangerous.
You have got to take a stance, either get out let him see what he is missing, or watch him self destruct and take you with him. I honestly would say to leave him, let him get his life straightened out, if he does then you can consider the reconciliation. Worst case scenario, sure you will miss him, but you will be safe!
2006-08-20 15:45:19 · answer #2 · answered by Chrissy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been better with the situation than I would have been! And a lot more patient.
For your own sake, get him into a rehab program NOW! If he refuses to go, open the door and tell him to hit the road.
Love him or not, if he doesn't straighten up and fly right he's headed for the nearest tree. And guess who will pay for that? You. Both financially and emotionally.
He could end up costing a ton of money getting his sorry behind out of jail, or wrecking the car again and this time getting sued for it. Or he could cause you to be evicted from your home because he's spending all the money on drugs. Or he could end up going to jail or prison and being Bubba's lady fair.
You've supported him long enough and it's time for some "hard love" to come into the picture. For both of your sakes, tell him he gets help and gets straight or he can hit the road.
2006-08-20 14:37:24 · answer #3 · answered by Lucianna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Prescription drug addiction is one of the fastest growing addictions out there. He will use whatever means he can, from making you feel guilty (like saying that you are against him and that stuff) to outright lying, stealing and cheating. Do not trust him. Get him some help if possible, even if you have to listen to him verbally abuse you and try all the tricks he can think of to make you stop. Be strong! Also, you should go to your local AA groups to find out what is out there for the families of addicts like Alanon or whatever, for drugs. There will be people who will side with him and think you just don't understand, but don't give in. YOU know the truth. If you can't do this and he won't stop, you must save yourself and get away from this situation. Sometimes people are just on a self-destructive path and there ain't no stopping them. I would also involve his family and friends to help you get him the help he needs. Good luck!
2006-08-20 14:39:39 · answer #4 · answered by joandi_99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well You've Done Your Part In The Marraige..And If He Doesnt Think Thats Supportive Enough..Well Then...Leave Him Because He Obviously Would Take The Drugs Than Be With You..Thats What I Would Do :]
2006-08-20 14:41:29 · answer #5 · answered by - Alexis. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Tough Love"
What you have done without realizing it was support him in his addiction. You've stood by him through lost wages, lack of income and further addiction. Once is a mistake but anything after that is by choice. When you first learned of his addiction your response to stand by him was the right thing to do but when he was involved in an accident, lost his job and hasn't worked in 3 months you just supported his addiction. I'd have sent him packing, there is no need to argue with an addict for the drugs have control of their thinking process. If you love him and really want to help him throw him out, tell him to seek medical help, go to rehab and straighten out his life and when he has taken all the right steps you welcome him home and support the "clean" man you married, support that man. That's what tough love boils down to.
2006-08-20 14:40:26 · answer #6 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to want to quit, starting with relaizing he has a problem. He has to see what this has done to his life.....Accidents, job loss and he still continues. The only thing that is going to make it better is professional help, and yes, it's probably going to take your support STILL. I know it's a lot to ask after going this far, but it seems apparent that he isn't going to do it himself. Rehab should be his last chance and you should explain everything over again to him. It's difficult to do, but if he gets help, but doesn't stay clean you are going to have to be strong and "get out". Let the captain go down with his ship....he can't blame you and it's not your fault. You sound very patient and supportive. There should be more women like you out there.
2006-08-20 18:08:06 · answer #7 · answered by fyrfytr1971 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you coordinate an intervention? You can't let someone quit drugs at their own pace because they will never do it. I think you've been overly supportive. If he can't get his crap together, maybe you should leave and see if that wakes him up. Showing that you will be there no matter what makes him know that he can keep doing it and he has nothing to lose but his job, but of course you will take care of him even with no job. (That's his mindset.) Good luck!
2006-08-20 14:56:06 · answer #8 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to get in a drug rehabilitation program if he cannot kick the drug habit by himself. It's a problem that has become serious - he lost his job over it! Stop being an enabler. Tell him what the rules are and be firm. If you don't he will keep doing this over and over. And if he does not make any changes to change his drug habit, i would consider life without him.
2006-08-20 15:29:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would leave him. maybe not for good. but put some fear into him. men kind of need a push sometimes.
it's true.
if you stay with him keep paying the bilss and whatever..then he'll let you.
you have been supportive and maybe in a way a little enabling as well.
he needs to deal with this. be his friend but let him know that you can not put up with it. you don't need to!
and what is he doing pulling this crap in a brand new marriage?!
what about you?
good luck!
2006-08-20 16:06:18 · answer #10 · answered by deanna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋