How to bridge the gap in a marriage....?

Question

when you've spent days not speaking, when you don't want to be the one to give in, when you feel like you just don't want the pain of an argument, when you feel misunderstood all the time anyway ??? Any advice?,And no I don't mean divorce suggestions!

Answer 1

Been there, done that.

I know it's so hard to have to be the one to give in...yet again.

But really, those days spent not talking blow whatever the problem is out of proportion. And the truth is, by now you are probably mad at completely different things by now anyway.

Do whatever you have to do to get into your "talking reasonably" place with your spouse. My husband and I do this by sitting down and fighting for a while, til we are both tired of fighting and then one of us says, "what's the biggest issue for you right now?" to the other one. After we both admit what is at the heart of our own anger, then we realize how far away we really are. It's a step by step process from there to patch the little misunderstandings up as you go along to reverse the damage. Eventually you will bridge the gap. Patience can be an expensive gift to offer when you have blown your emotional budget on anger, but it's an investment every successful marriage needs.

Good luck to you!!!

Answer 2

First you need to determine what is important.

Think about what you are arguing about.

Then imagine how you would feel about this same issue or topic two years from now.

Does the same sense of urgency and immediacy come to mind?

If not, it's not worth the battle.

Sure, love is a battlefield, but that doesn't mean that when there is a difference in perspective, that a "pain"ful argument must ensue. We tend to think of life in terms of convenient dichotomies such as winner-loser and right-wrong, but life is multi-dimensional and these designations are truly meaningless.

If you are right, but lose the love of your life in the process, exactly who will be celebrating at your victory party?

And just remember, if it isn't really THAT important, it is better to give in than to give up (on your marriage and/or partner).

And quite honestly, I can't think of what it could possible be that you and your spouse would spend DAYS not speaking to one another.

Where is the right to disagree -- where is the respect -- where is the appreciation for the person you said you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Be precise. Be clear. And put yourself in your spouse's shoes before you judge him/her.

There are always three sides to a story.

What you say!
What your spouse says!

. . .

And the truth!

Answer 3

From a Christian's perspective I think you need to humble yourself and ask to sit and talk about what's bothering each of you. If you want to resolve this problem it's going to take you setting your anger, resentment, and all other negative feelings aside in order to get to the root of the problem. Admit your faults even if your spouse won't admit theirs. You be the one to show them you are willing to work hard on the relationship, even if they aren't at the time! Be consistent in your behavior on your quest to making things work and soon they too will be more open, receptive to change...for the better! Good luck and God Bless! p.s. If your have lots of EXPECTATIONS of your partner, your are doomed, all you can "expect" in a relationship is ... giving the best of yourself!

Answer 4

Write it down, or send him an E-mail. We've been married 8 years and this is what we have to do sometimes when things get a little strained. It's much harder to argue with a piece of paper, and much easier to put ALL your thoughts and feelings down when there's no verbal interruption.

Answer 5

Learn to forgive. Pick and choose your battles. Is living that way working for you? If neither of you give in then you will continue to live that way.

Answer 6

The following URL has been very helpful for me. Please also read Dr laura books.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html

Good luck and god bless.