But lately we descovered many diferences between us it seems almost dificult to find something in which we are alike. My boyfriend said that he had this situation before and it always ended in a dramatic split up. He said he still loves me but he's afraid we will only fight more in the future so he's not sure if it is worth trying to make this relationship work. He thinks all the compromises will deception us both. I feel decepted because he doesnt show me he wants to work on this relation. Should I leave everything (as planned) and go to live in the country of a man who is not sure he wants to be my lover anymore? We both know that if I dont go there the relation will be finished because we have been living on distance already 1.5 year and it is almost impossible. He's afraid of the responsability when I come to live close to him just because of him. He told me he used to think I maybe was the woman of his life but after our many fights he thinks Im probably not. What would u do?
2006-08-20 06:41:59 · 20 answers · asked by karel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Boy, if I had a dollar for every person that I've counseled, that have told me that they knew from the start that the person they were with was not right for them, but they went for it anyway, I would be pretty wealthy by now.
Girl, come on, you are thinking with your heart and not your head, and don’t forget that at the end, it's your heart that will be broken.
In most situations, it's extremely hard to end a bad relationship. That's why a lot of people stay together with an abusive spouse even though they know that their relationship is unhealthy and it‘s going no where. Imagine how much harder it will be when you are in a foreign country, living within a strange culture? Think about moving costs to move back to the US or where ever you are from. Any of those situations will make it much harder to leave, I guarantee you!
Let him go and save yourself and him a lot of sorrow down the road. Good luck baby and open your eyes!
2006-08-20 07:00:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, he's already told you that he is no longer interested. I'm guessing that he emphasizes his reservations more in each conversation you have with him.
Better to accept that your relationship is already over and start the sometimes painful process of moving on.
On the other hand... ;-) If your goal was/is to live in his country regardless of whether or not you are with him, then moving your relationship to "just friends" at the same time as moving to that country will give you just a little bit of support to get a new life going there. I say at the same time because you don't want to be a "user" or have any expectations that are contrary to your goals once you get there.
Good luck!
2006-08-20 13:52:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pause. He doesn't want it anymore and is unwilling to put effort into the relationship? It will not work unless you are both at the very least willing to put effort in. Absolutely do not move over there until that is resolved. You both need to make a commitment to put the effort in before anything else. From there you can work on any problems you may be having, but without the willingness to put in the effort there is nothing to work on.
2006-08-20 14:04:40 · answer #3 · answered by blue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not move, you already notice the fighting and problems now right?, what makes you think moving to another country with a man you fight with over the phone with is going to do for you, but make things worst coz now you're in each others faces 24/7. think about it more and good luck.
2006-08-20 13:50:08 · answer #4 · answered by Wood77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like too much trouble....but just in case yuo begin something and had no trouble at all, that could mean disaster as you should go through some testing aspect to see how each of you deal with problem resolution...most women I was with do not know how to do this in a friendly and logical manner without using name-calling and swearing.
you should be long enough with someone to see some fight or discussion which tests each of you and you have gone long enough to go through this stage and the results are not positive.
please be pleasant with him and break it off amicably (when you are ready, of course). You can thank me later.
:)
2006-08-20 13:52:05 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like he's changing his mind on having a relationship in the first place. If he really loved you he would want you in his area and around him all the time. And if you were the women of his dreams, he wouldn't care about the distance or the responsibility.
2006-08-20 13:49:32 · answer #6 · answered by shell7024 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but you have answered your own question. If you need to see it in black and white, here it is: NO! If you have to come to a group of total and anonymous strangers because you can't make the decision, you have all ready made it. Be good to yourself and your bf, end it now.
2006-08-20 14:00:16 · answer #7 · answered by swarr2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl stay your butt where your at, sounds like he's just trying to let you down easily instead of just coming out and saying he don't wanna be with you anymore. Move on and find your self someone better.
2006-08-22 11:18:15 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good lord, leave the guy already. Do not go to his country. Your asking for big trouble, girl. Big big trouble. You don't really know how old he is and you really don't know WHO he is. It doesn't matter you have been talking to him for a year and a half. You really don't know who he is. Very dangerous.
2006-08-20 13:48:29 · answer #9 · answered by Hicktown girl66 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first both of you need to talk what's really the problem.why you keep arguing.after you find out the reason behind those fights then decide wether to go or not.being apart to your love one is very difficult but what important is communication and trust....
2006-08-20 13:53:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋