My boyfriend and I recently got together after years of liking each other. I have no problems with age, but I know my family will be utterly worried knowing that I am 19, and he is 36. I trust him 100% and I know he loves me, but how do I break the news to the fam?
One more complication: he lives in Asia, I'm in Europe.
2006-08-20 06:34:10 · 38 answers · asked by bananendieb 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I don't know any nice way to tell you: Your boyfriend has something seriously wrong with his emotional development. So do you. There is an inequity of power from the onset of your relationship, by virtue of the age/experience disparity. Generally, a relationship like yours will turn out to be abusive to you.
You should not tell your dad. You should seek professional help to figure out why you are looking for a replacement "Daddy."
2006-08-28 05:14:29 · answer #1 · answered by georgia b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you and your boyfriend finally got together after years. You are 19 now and I am wondering how old you were when you became involved with him. I am also wondering how you met....Was it on the internet? I am going to take a guess and say you would have only been 14 to 16 when you first made contact with him, and I am guessing, if it was on the internet, he would have made contact with you. If I was your mother I would be extremely worried. You were a child when this contact first took place, so you were very impressionable. This man would have been over 30 and that is seen as paedofilia, considering your age at the time. I would be also worried for yourself because if this man really does like young people....what will happen when you are in your middle to late 20s....will he dump you for a young girl? All these questions are very valid. It would be a totally different scene if you were in your 40s and he was in his 50s, you would both be adults. But you met him when you were a child and he was an adult, and that makes all the difference in the world. Please be careful....I dont think its as cut and dried as you seem to think.
2006-08-27 20:57:08 · answer #2 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a woman who has always dated older men until I hit my 40's, that is a hard one. I started at 16 dating a man that was 31. Then at 17 dating a man 29. My parents never understood. Parents will not understand, they will always feel that the man is taking advantage of the you. I thought (operative word thought ) I was in love with the first man until I got to college and discovered a bunch of other men. Break it to them gently and explain how long you have been communicating and how much you like him and why you like him. All in all they may be disappointed and you must realize that they don't have to agree with or accept your choice, but they do have to respect him as your choice. They will either learn to deal or not. Just tell them and let the conversation fall which every way it goes....the answers will come when the questions are asked..... if you truly love this man.
2006-08-28 05:57:45 · answer #3 · answered by Shorty by Nature 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well i can relate to you. i'm 20 and my boyfriend is 31. when we started talking i was just turning 19. and my fam just found out how old he is. if he is treating you right and not doing anything to disrespect you in anyway and the fam see that he's a good person and see that you is in good care then they wouldn't have much to say at all. you are grown but you need to tell them before they find out by someone else. and really it will kinda make your boyfriend feel like you are a shamed of him because of the age difference and that could put a strain on yall's relationship. be honest and tell your family. its your life not theirs. you can't live for your family or anybody else. live for you. don't let people dictat your life because you will never be happy.
2006-08-27 07:15:39 · answer #4 · answered by Champaine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So how do you know that he loves you? How do you even know that he is who he says he is? Oh because he told you and you trust him 100% ? I am 19 also and I am married. My husband is 10 years older than me. I trust my husband but not 100%. If you trust someone that much you are brain washed because you never have to second guess what they tell you. You need to trust you own instincts. Maybe this guy just wants to feel young again. Long distance relationships are very hard without adding the age gap. Tell your mother first. They usually know best.
2006-08-26 07:30:09 · answer #5 · answered by strawberries_r_cream 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was 17 he was 36 but I found out he was really 38. It didn't last. I got bored with him after six months. We had nothing in common except he had a car and guys my age didn't. yes, how fickle youth...then I dated a guy of 24 years old. He moved too fast for me so I kicked him to the curb. I told my mother about both and I saw her take a deep breath and say after a beat that she trusted me and to be careful and if I needed anything, to let her know. She was smart not to overreact because that would suddenly have made these men much more attractive to me, see?
Thanks mom. I was better off dumping them on my own.
2006-08-25 22:37:30 · answer #6 · answered by Persephone 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be ready for some harsh words and maybe a few tears... Obvisously you know your family will not be too happy about the age, which means that this just might make you even more nervous to tell them, now what you need to do is tell them straight out all at once before they butt in or interupt you... dont do anything stupid, like run off and get a train ticket to spain, just stay there and settle the WHOLE THING out before things could get worse...they WILL get owrse if you dont settle so settle it once you tell them!!!
I wish the best of luck!!!
2006-08-20 06:49:08 · answer #7 · answered by HideAnotherMistake 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm wondering how you two got together??? I don't think a 36 yr.old man should be messing with a 19 yr.old girl , myself!! what do you have in common with a 36 yr.old man?? I don't know how you will tell your dad!!! he may be angry cause he is a man and he knows how men are !!!! How are you going to feel when your 35 yrs.old with a 51 yr.old man?? You;ll still be young!! Don't get me wrong you can like someone older then you but theres got to be an age limit!! This guy have kids?? he's old enough to have! And you are still a kid too !! You are so young to settle for such an older man?? I hope you have done alot of dating before you settle down with this man!! Good Luck on this one!!!
2006-08-26 18:36:10 · answer #8 · answered by sports_runner_racing 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, you've already told us that they would pretty much flip out on you and be worried about the age difference. Honestly, ask yourself how you would react if your 19 yr. old daughter told you she had a 36 yr. old boyfriend. Better yet, ask your boyfriend how he would react if his daughter was in the same situation...he is a grown man, now. My best answer for you is to be honest with them because your family loves you and ultimately want the best thing for you. Good luck! ; )
2006-08-27 12:52:15 · answer #9 · answered by Lyttle_Starr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, yeah, this will work. Sweetie, he may be a great friend, but he is of another generation. (Been there, done that. thank you). It's too hard to have a long distance relationship in the first place, but you're asking a man (a mature man) to be faithful to you while you are far away.... Give it some time, but try to remain friends and back off from the romantic relationship. Men love arm candy ('young thangs') to have affairs with but you need someone a wee bit closer to your age and generational interests. My very best.
2006-08-25 22:16:18 · answer #10 · answered by reme_1 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋