Last night my husband and I were at a friends house and he made a stupid comment and joking around I punched him in the arm. I meant to tag his arm, kind of a smartass jesture, but he ducked down and I did hit his arm-but as he moved I also hit his chin a little. He got ticked and pulled back and hit my arm as hard as he could. He actually hit my arm hard enough that my jaw rattled. Our friends mouths dropped and I was ticked mostly embarrassed that he would do that. He said I hit him first and if I'm gonna act like a guy and throw a punch like a guy I better learn how to take it- I had had a couple shots to drink- he was wasted. He says he has nothing to apologize for even though I apologized. How do you just get over being disrespected like that? Am I completley wrong? He thinks I'm mad cause I couldn't take a punch- first he has about 75lbs on me and second yea my arm is still really sore today, but I'm really embarrassed!
2006-08-20 06:28:14 · 32 answers · asked by ghostchaser.christy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I admit that I started this, but play fighting is a normal thing for us. It doesn't ever escalate like this, and def. not in front of our friends
2006-08-20 06:39:23 · update #1
I did try to talk to him most of what was said can't be printed here without *'s. He said since I don't have a nasty bruise, he obviously didn't hit me as hard as he could've and to deal.
2006-08-20 06:45:28 · update #2
you have every right to be mad...play fighting is one thing, but its obvious that he actually hurt you, if hes a real man he'd apologize
2006-08-20 06:34:15 · answer #1 · answered by Ms. Bootylicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...
Well, if "play-fighting" is part of your relationship (and I know couples where it is), then what you described yourself doing doesn't seem much different than that and should have been taken by him in that way.
The problem was that you had a few drinks (so it's hard to tell how hard you actually clipped him), and he was wasted bad enough that he responded to the blow without thinking.
The part I find really troublesome is not that the incident happened (although it's not a great incident) but that your husband refuses to apologize, especially when it's clearly obvious he's equally complicit (at minimum) for what happened and you had already apologized.
In the average relationship (friendship or family), when someone hurts someone else, they feel bad and apologize... even if it was an accident. You simply feel bad that the person you care about got hurt, and you feel bad/guilty that you were involved, even if both of you know you didn't mean to do it.
I don't know your relationship with your hubby. It could be taken as the behavior of a world-class jerk who doesn't care about anyone else but himself, or it could simply be that he is inwardly feeling a lot of guilt and embarrassment over what happened -- he's mad he insulted you, he's mad you went to hit him and missed, he's mad he slugged you, he's mad other people saw it happen, and he's mad that you are reminding him of it.
In other words, he could be angry / embarrassed about what he did and he's simply taking it out on you. Even in that case, though, it's not a good sign -- that's a really harmful relationship strategy.
Give it a day or two to settle, then bring it up again in terms of you not being hurt by the punch as much as by the fact he didn't seem to feel bad for what he did.
Regardless of whether or not HE seems to think you should be able to take it, you WERE emotionally hurt by it... and so as your husband he needs to deal with that. Can't he just apologize because he happened to be part of the incident, no matter how accidental it was?
[The ornery part of me wonders if you could find a guy who tops HIS body weight by the same percentage, then have him take an accidental swing at your husband just so he can draw a more "scientific" conclusion about how much it did hurt... but I'm just being bad now. :) ]
2006-08-20 08:03:52 · answer #2 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay first of all you are wrong. If he made a smart joke or comment in front of friends, you should never hit him or argue with him in front of your friends. Wait until you get home and don't be mad at him noticeably in front of people. Your husband is going to act dumb one too many time during your marriage but you can't hit him every time he acts stupid. He is also wrong too for hitting you. A better man would take the hit and wait until he gets home to tell you that it hurts and let you do the making up to him. Now both of you have to make it up to each other which is even harder. Please don't do it again be the smarter person.
2006-08-20 06:42:29 · answer #3 · answered by Gucci S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I think he should still apologize because it hurt you. Its not like you picked a bat up and cracked his face( which you should have). Men are a trip they know that our slap and their slap are different. That's why they are men. He is trying to be a jerk what he fails to see is if he didn't make his stupid comment you would have never did that. I am a revengeful person, you should go to some friends again and make a rude comment and see how HE reacts. It seems he hurted your feelings and that's messed up, don't give in cause even tho you you passed the first hit he not only said a smart comment he hit you then embarrassed to in front of people. don't give in
2006-08-20 06:45:28 · answer #4 · answered by Robyn D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to be upset! No man should ever hit his wife for any reason. A married couple should be able to talk things out without physical violence. If things can't be talked out, then it's time to call it quits. You said that both of you had been drinking and that he was wasted, but even then that is no excuse for him hitting you. Can you imagine if things only escalate, next time what,? he kills you? My 2 cents!
2006-08-20 11:17:44 · answer #5 · answered by Archangel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do have the right to be mad. Your punch, as you said, was suppose to just be smartass gesture. Secondly, no matter what, a man never has the right to hit a woman, it's just wrong. You need to talk to your husband and tell him that that incident really upset and embarrsed you. Hopfully, he will give in and apoligize. Which is what he should do. Good Luck!
2006-08-20 06:36:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think it should be equal between men n women if they want to hit each other. These days, men get called for abuse if they hit a girl, but a girl can go ahead and hit their men and get away with it. Doesn't make sense. So me and my ex would playfully hit eachother equally. However, i think your husband hit you back out of a reflex. My ex actually accidently hit me on my damn head 3x when I accidently hurt him by biting his nipple. It WAS a reflex and it did hurt him that he hurt me and it never happened again. So, although I don't think the punch he gave you was very wrong, I think he's exaggerating it when he says all the **** he said to excuse himself from it.
2006-08-20 06:36:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to be mad. He should stop being a little princess and be the one to suck it up. He really is a big man, isn't he....can only dish it out and not take it, especially something that was accidental. You-hit-him-first-so he-can-hit you-back-harder? What next? Out back by the bike racks after school?. What a twit.Tell him to put his big boy pants back on....
2006-08-20 10:59:53 · answer #8 · answered by fyrfytr1971 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be upset too. How embarrasing to act like that in front of another couple.
I guess I would try and talk things out, maybe in a couple of days, when things have completely cooled off. I don't know, this is a tough one. Good luck to you. I hope you can work things out.
2006-08-20 07:00:26 · answer #9 · answered by Zeida98 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that would be embarrassing for a lady, sorry to hear that. First of all, he is probably to embarrassed to admit to you that he was wrong. Maybe he acted before he thought, that is still no excuse not to apologize for what he did. guys that cant admit when their wrong...especially when it comes to mistreating their lady are not men in my opinion. you should be mad and hurt that he don't care enough to say he is sorry. I can assure you of one thing,..deep down he is more embarrassed than you are, and should be. he made a fool of his own self in front of your friends. your not the one that should feel foolish,...he is. cut him off until he grows up enough to apologize for what he did,..and for not saying it sooner. good luck girl
2006-08-20 06:50:55 · answer #10 · answered by juslookin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have the right to be mad. A man should never hit a woman. You should get a divorce.
2006-08-20 06:37:17 · answer #11 · answered by shawnmarieswift 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋