My best friend J has come to me with a problem, wanting MY advice...and I am stumped. One of HIS oldest friends A is getting married to B and A has been cheating on him. Cheating - plural, as in 9 times in the last year (that we know of). A has asked J not to say anything to B. A is Js friend and J doesn't really like B. In point of fact, he is a co-dependent jacka#$.
But still he is her choice. J has come to ME for advice. Tell B or not, and if so, how would it be best for all around to tell him? J swore that he wouldn't say anything, but his concience has been bothering him.
THoughts? Comments?
2006-08-20 05:07:52 · 17 answers · asked by queencyane1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Check your motive for telling, and just simply tell them your telling, and tell, why play games!
Gayle
2006-08-20 05:13:47 · answer #1 · answered by gayle j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough call.
Since A, J & you are friends, & A has asked J not to tell B and he said he wouldn't, then as a friend he needs to stick to his word.
Also, I would try r-e-a-l hard to get to find out why A is so compelled to cheating on B? What is her probelm? Getting them all in before marriage? She really doesn't want to be married to B. Tell her to call off the wedding until she is ready. If she doesn't, then when the Officiant says, "Do you know any just or moral reason why these two shouldn't be joined....." In fact, tell A that you & J will speak up. Maybe the fear will bring A to her senses.
2006-08-20 05:19:46 · answer #2 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To save your friendship, you need to let B find out on his own. If you tell B that A is cheating on him then B is going to get defensive and possibly ruin your relationship with B. You can try helping B to see that this is happening. Maybe a chance being at the same place that A is so B can see A in action. This of course would take more than just you. You would have to involve more friends that can follow A and see that this is taking place so that they could call you to have you and B come there.
2006-08-20 05:27:31 · answer #3 · answered by Gary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell J to tell B. Whether or not B chooses to act on the information is up to B. In fact, if it has really been as bad as you think, there's a chance that B already knows and chooses to ignore the situation because of low self esteem.
And that is why it is necessary for J to tell B...because your friends are supposed to be in charge holding a mirror in up to your face to keep you lying to yourself and otherwise self-destructing. That's just what friends do. If B decides to stay with A anyway and quits being friends with B, then atleast J will have the peace of mind knowing he did the right thing. It will eat at B for the rest of his life. It's up to B how he handles the information but there isn't really any gray area for what J's actions should be.
2006-08-20 05:38:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell J that you will write a letter (you because your writing won't be recognized) telling B everything, but not information that only J would know. Send the letter to B with out a return address, by doing this A won't know that J told and J won't have to carry the guilt. B may not believe the letter, but it will open B's eyes. B may come to J after getting the letter to ask J if he knows anything about A not being faithful. If that happens then J needs to say I'm sorry but i can't get in it. This isn't saying yes or no.
2006-08-20 05:19:14 · answer #5 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send a note in secret and let the news out to cut down on the divorce rate and make more single people avialable. Or you could just sit back and wait after their married and then deal with the annoying whinning about how screwed up their marriage is. Plus if they ever found out that you knew about it before hand and didn't say anything I am sure they will corner you about that
2006-08-20 05:13:59 · answer #6 · answered by dmxdragon2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TOTALLY. If it's a fact that A is cheating, then B should know. there's that "getting it out of the system" thing before getting married thing but over and over is too much! If you're engaged, it's to be married, isn't it? B should be faithful to A or it's not gonna work. Just sit him down and tell him (or her, i'm confused which is which).
2006-08-20 05:15:36 · answer #7 · answered by kewtee469 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a tricky situation, I tried to tell a friend her fiance was cheating, when she confronted him, she believed his coverup story, he convinced her that I only wanted to make trouble, etc. A few years later, he was killed in a car accident, he didn't have on his wedding ring and she found loads of pictures of him with other women in his desk at work. Some people WILL NOT believe the love of their life would cheat unless presented with hard proof.
2006-08-20 05:30:19 · answer #8 · answered by msuzyq 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course tell the person that is being cheated on that their fiance is doing that! Why allow them to get married, only to find out for themself and add to the divorce rate?!
2006-08-20 06:30:27 · answer #9 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh This is a tricky one! J should ask A if B has a sisters. She will ask why? Any woman would. Then J can say that,"Oh, I just saw B with a girl at _____ spot Then I saw him again at_____ with a different girl." If A doesn't get it then, A doesn't want to get it. Let it be on A then.
2006-08-20 05:23:21 · answer #10 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should tell. it's not right. if this keeps up without B knowing it could happen after the wedding. Have you seen the wedding singer. glen did the same to Julia and in the end she ended up with robbie since she was in love with him not glen. do tell. it will save a lot of heartache and a divorse later on .
2006-08-23 17:56:01 · answer #11 · answered by deb2rule 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋