Second guessing your choice in a spouse?

Question

Now i know some of us dont get along with our spouse how many of us out their wished we had thought twice about how well our spouse's communicated. And knowing what we know now how important is common sense when picking out a mate.

I know there are many other attribute's we look for in people. In this question im only focusing on these two questions.

Finally did you make a good choice or a poor one.

Answer 1

I made a poor choice that was not based on the correct things. My next relationship will be based on:
1) communication
2) similar levels of intelligence and desire to learn more
3) physically able to satisfy each other
4) that spark of attraction that you feel with the right one.

Answer 2

I think marriages are built off friendships first. The way you can shoot the breeze with your buddy's to a certain degree you should be able to do the same with your spouse. My fiance and I can talk about anything, and can spend hours talking about nothing, and it feels great, and because we have this before we even get married it should not stop once we do. Sometimes you are missing something on your life, and when you choose your spouse you normally choose them to fill that void. So what you end up doing is choosing a void filler verses a friend. Once that void has been filled whether it was by you figuring some things out on your own or with their help you tend to not see what you really saw in them in the first place. As for common sense I don't have an answer for that because I believe what you see as common sense is based on your up bringing. It's like my common sense tells me don't go out and get a credit card if I know I can't pay it back, but a person who has always been bailed out of their faults might say no I can't pay for this credit card, but my mom or dad can. Well there up bringing has never really made them be responsible so their common sense is going to be based on that. Their common sense will most likely be one that is self, irrational, and non logical. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Good question. You really need communication in a relationship. In mine, there isn't any. (negative points there). Common sense when picking a mate? People are usually different at first. They change in time. If they stayed trying, giving, loving, things may work out better. They give in and get lazy too soon. My spouse has jokingly said he didn't have to try to make me happy anymore, we're married. His actions prove this to be true even tho it was said jokingly. Finally, did I make a good choice, no. I was wrong.

Answer 4

you're being human and human beings are imperfect, in the different case we do not have infidelity. i might want to assert that your believe and note of for him is 0 as you reported. It sounds like you're waiting for the different shoe to drop and also you're perplexed because you're waiting for it to take position even even with the undeniable fact that you do not have data. There are belongings you may do now. the first is getting to carry close to allow bypass, what I mean through it quite is this: you may not administration his habit, what he might want to do, or you may not UNDO what's been carried out. walk through the worst case project, he does it back, what are you going to do? Freeze up? Divorce him? commence a clean existence? a clean occupation? that would not sound like the right of the international. What if this became a one time basically aspect? Spending something else of your existence policing your economic company drafts and telephone expenditures sounds like an excellent form of wasted ability for someone who did not cheat. Your question should be, are you able to stay with both of those, per chance see a counselor on my own, at the same time, both way, do not enable what HE did, spoil you.

Answer 5

First of all, you should be completly certain that you want to be with someone for the rest of your life before you marry them. Just jumping into a marriage before really knowing someone is why a lot of divorce happens. Communication is very difficult, it takes of lot of effort on both parts. I made a good choice. I love my husband. Wouldn't want anyone else.

Answer 6

I have never thought if I should have married him or not. I love him to death and I would never change my mind. Now we don't communicate very good. He doesn't like to talk about how he is feeling, or what he is thinking. Know what I know now, i still would have married him. But I would have taken different steps to get to marriage. Does that make sense?

Answer 7

If I could go back and do it again I would look for a mate who was more sensitive to my feelings, more romantic and passionate, more attentive, more helpful with housework and the children (without being asked to help).....

I made a poor choice I guess...

Answer 8

Sure, many of have felt that way at some point. But sometimes, we have to take a step back and ask ourselves, WHY do we feel this way? And how must our partenr feel about us?
As we spend more time with our partner, we become too comfortable and forget to keep doing whatever it was we did to win them over in the first place. we become more self-absorbed and forget to expect them to, also. We start to look around at what else is out there and feel ripped of by our own choice....
We are attracted to others who don't know us well, who don't know of our faults and shortcomings.....sometimes people reinvent themselves and cheat with one of these people.

Trust your judgement. You picked your spouse for a reason. Don't sit in judgement of them, grumbling because they do not fulfill you any longer. That's not fair.

You have to figure out what it is you need from them, and ask for it. You have to find out what they need and give it to them. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes, and be willing to put forth the effort if you are to ever feel satisfied again.

You have to go back to basics. You have to get back to where you did things to enhance their self esteem. You have to get back to flirting, dating, and trying to win each other over.

You have to let go of all of your resentments and grudges. You have to start over with a fresh outlook. You can't be "right" all the time.

You have to show some empathy and walk a few hundred miles in their shoes. We all forget that sometimes, but you are at a point to where you have to try this again.

Stop focusing on ME, what makes ME feel good, what makes ME comfortable, what I need, and feeling like you are owed that.....that's too narcissistic. Remember how good it felt to GIVE?

Consider this before you cast harsh judgement of your spouse...

Answer 9

I made a wonderful choice. My husband and I talk all the time. Our greatest strength is being able to make each other laugh. And he is so wonderful to me. I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Answer 10

Oh believe me I agree with you. My first wife had one two answers. She was always right, never at fault. So thus didn't leave allot of room for discussion.. So to answer your question a very poor one. Fortunately I was blessed with a second chance.