Should I leave my husband since I found that he rather screw a fake vagina than be romantic or affectionate?

Question

My husband recently left to join the navy. While going through his stuff to find some proof that we are married(since he had to take our marriage certificate to boot camp) so my son and I could start receiving our medical benefits. I found a bunch of pornography, a pair of fake boobs and a fake vagina. A few months ago I had told him that I am not just something that he could screw whenever he felt like it. I wanted to feel like a wife should and not a roommate that he occasionally sleeps with. I asked him to be a little romantic and to show me some affection. It is hard to deal with finding that your husband would rather sleep with a piece of rubber than try acting like a husband towards you. To make things worse I am pregnant with our second baby. My husband also denies that this child is his to his family. I don't know if I should stay with him because we have children together or if it would be better for our son and the baby and I to just leave.

I don't know why he is saying this child is not his. Since I always have a 3 yrs old with me.I haven't spent anytime with any of my friends with out my husband being present.He has made up lies about me before,so him lying is nothing new. If my husband had told me where he keeps his income tax papers I wouldn't have had to "snoop". Him and his recruiter told me that all I would need to get on the base was my birth certificate,my son's birth certificate,and our social security cards.No one answered at the recruiter's office and I can't talk to my husband for 2 weeks while he is in bootcamp.My husband and I used to have a great sex life.However after our first child was born he stopped caring if I was even in the mood or if I got any pleasure from it. I ask and explained to him numerous times that I needed help getting into the mood."I" haven't had an orgasm in over 3 years. I do love him but I am at the end of the rope

Answer 1

It looks like you have already answered that question.

Answer 2

He should not deny your children together, that's the real issue here. You should be happy though that he got these fake things while he's away from you in stead of looking for the real things and really cheating on you. Just let him know while he is home, he does not use these things. I found a fake vagina in the glove box of my husbands car while I was cleaning it and I freaked out a little, but I just tossed it and asked him where he got it (he got it as a gift from a cousin for his batchlors party). I just laughed about it and he wasn't upset I tossed it. It's a big joke between us now, If I want to play hard to get at night, I tell him to go find his fake vagina.

Answer 3

Wow, tough situation. He doesn't know how lucky he is. I so wish my wife was as open minded as you. The one thing you wrote that really concerns me is, "he says he doesn't love me anymore and so that's why i don't get the support." If he doesn't love you, you're beating a dead horse. This might have been a typo on your part. ? If you believe he still loves you, I would take him to the adult store and do some shopping. Find some items that will help support the activities you want to try. There are DVDs, books and hardward to help you learn. You might have a kid in the candy store on your hands. Be firm with him. Let him know he has to respect you on the highest level in order for you to play with him. I think he already owes you that new toy and a good long session of him just pleasuring you.

Answer 4

Okay,slloooow down. You ask for romance and affection and don't want to be treated like just something to screw. So he solved that by getting a piece to "just screw". He's not declaring undying love for this piece is he, I mean, he left it behind and you were snooping-- OOPS, I mean, looking. Because apparently no one made a copy of this marriage certificate? Ask the fool to send it back to you or go to the courthouse that holds the marriage certificate and get a copy with a seal sent to you. End of story. As far as the husband not being sure who the second child belongs to, why would he think that?

You are feeling out of sorts because your hormones are raging and you are pregnant. You miss him. It's understandable. You are angry he left when you are vulnerable. Admit this to yourself and to him. Tell him you miss him, you want to work things out and you are sorry he feels the way he does about the second child and that you will give the child a DNA test to rest his mind since he doesn't trust your word.

Once the DNA test is done, you can tell his family to stuff it and stick by your man. I suspect someone else is starting the rumors and not your husband, but whatever.

Answer 5

Maybe what you think you know is not what it really is.
What if the fake boobs are for him to wear and the fake vagina is for him to fool some man with? Secrets can be rather frightening. I would be concerned with the fact that he is not demonstrating concern for your feelings.
And I wonder if he played defense in sports. Of course everyone has heard the old a good defense a better offense. Attack before you can be attack. Maybe if he rattles your cage you will leave his alone kinda thing.
If the love for him is still there insist on marriage therapy. good Luck

Answer 6

u r in a tough situation. i see two diff problems. 1) ur husband and fake vagina and 2) it sounds like he doesnt trust u. the hardest thing in a marriage is working out ur problems. since he is not there now u will have to wait for him. u know the baby is his and thats all that should matter to u. dont stres to much it may harm ur unborn baby. there is nothing u can do abt that now . as for the fake vagina some men just want sex without making love dont take it personally its his problem not urs. every woman wants to be loved . u both need to see a councelor as soon as he is back. dont give up on a marriage. they r issues which can be worked out and when u have given it ur all an dit still doesnt work then and only then u should think of moving on. GOod luck with him and ur baby

Answer 7

I'm wondering if he admitted that he'd used the toy. Some times men play idiotic pranks on each other, and he could be a victim. Also, no offense, but women who are pregnant are sensitive, and it may have seemed he'd done you wrong. Have you actually talked to him about it, or did you just assume all this? I understand that if he's denying the baby to his family, then there are serious issues, but this may be adding to the problem unnecessarily. Just ask him where he stands, but in a gentle way, not with an accusatory tone!

Answer 8

SOunds like this issue goes beyond the fake boobs and fake vagina. If he is denying the new baby on the way is his then there is a deeper issue at hand. Any specific reason why he would deny it? Have you been with someone else that would give suspicion it may not be his? Sounds like some counceling might be needed.

Answer 9

Are you really willing to throw away a marriage already?

If you only occasionally sleep with him, you need to really ask yourself why. This is certainly only one issue in your relationship. It seems like because you feel the fact that he held such things is unacceptable that he has got to WIN you back. He obviously does not see having and using these items as a problem. This is a talk you two should have had prior to marriage.

You are married now and you need to give your marriage a fair chance. You should tell your husband that you expect the same from him. But, you have to be willing to actually forgive each other. You made a commitment and you should value that commitment.

Answer 10

since i'm not a big fan of separating when there are small children involved, try to get him to help you make things right for the sake of the family esp. the kids, THEN if all else fails maybe being apart is the ultimate answer, but only after you've tried to make it work. you owe it to those two little gifts you were givin, having both parent in their lives is very important for them. most of the time when parents separate and it's not in a nice way and the only way they communicate is through yelling and cursing.....around the babies, and the babies hear this and take it from a victim, it makes for a troubled adulthood. whatever decision you make, please look at the longterm affects it will have on them.

Answer 11

I know the emptiness you feel but, it doesn't sound like you two are really communicating the problem with each other. As far as the accusations of you cheating on him it may be him accusing you of what he is actually guilty of. My ex wife did that with me only for me to find out that she was the one being unfaithfull. I would suggest marriage counselling and if that didn't work then tell him goodbye. Staying together just for the sake of the children when you are unhappy is never right. They will know that you are unhappy and it will affect tem worse in the longrun.