i am 24, and i'been with my boyfriend for 12 years. 11 years ago he cheated and got the other woman pregnant, i took him back, and we have been fine, his daughter comes to stay with us once every few weeks, she a nice girl but for an 11 year old she quite smart, she plays her mum and dad off against each other and if she don't get her way,she refuses to come over and see her dad, this hurts him, but i feel relieved, cos everytime she here, she reminds me of the past i should be over it by now, but she keeps asking why mummy and daddy aren't together, and won't acknowledge me at all, the fact is they only had a one night stand, her mum causes aggro for him and still can't accept me as his girlfriend, my partner says he understands why me and his daughter don't have much of a relationship, but i want to but i resent her for existing i can't have kids and he wants them with me this upsets me more, should i make more of an effort with his daughter as a stepmum would?
2006-08-20 04:00:44 · 28 answers · asked by white_funny_girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he's 6 years older than me
2006-08-20 04:09:18 · update #1
Go out for a walk.. breathe in the fresh air and calm down..
look around and observe whats around you.. and be happy that you are you and your alive and have lots of friends that care for you..
then you realise you should dump him, he's not worth it - cos he CHEATED ON YOU.. and the past will always creep up and eat you alive..
Good Luck :)
2006-08-23 11:58:55 · answer #1 · answered by scorpion queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the issue here is the fact that you cant have kids, this other woman has given him something you cant, i am sorry you cant have a family. How about looking into adoption? maybe not now but for the future. You can still raise children together. Have you received counselling? You cant blame an 11 year old for behaving this way, do you think its possible she senses the resentment, this is bound to make her act up and feel insecure. I think it would help everyone if you made an effort with her, it cant hurt to try and you may even have a nice time together. Good luck xx
2006-08-20 11:13:04 · answer #2 · answered by ducky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't see how you can have a good relationship with this 11 year old when she obviously is a smart a.r.s.e. I would carry on being nice to her in the hope that she grows a brain when she is older. As for the dad getting upset when she doesn't come over, he should realize that children of today are a lot smarter than we were when we were children - she knows how to pull his strings and manipulates him. Tell him to wake up for gods sake.
Can't blame you for being upset about the past but even you, you need to get over it. It happened, it's done. Don't worry about not having children. My friend tried for 8 years and only when her and her husband had given up hope and moved into a bigger house did she fall pregnant. Could be the stress stopping you too. If you seriously "can't have" them, then you have another job to do and having your own children would stop you doing it. So chill out and take life easy. Blow the 11 year olds stupid ways and agree with everything she says, she'll be well p.i.s.s.e.d with you because she isn't hurting you anymore.
2006-08-23 09:04:13 · answer #3 · answered by Curious39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it does not fit do not force it.be yourself. you are do what a real woman can only do be there for him. you have to say to yourself is he worth it? as for the ex she always going to be bitter because he was in between those legs at one time. his daughter is caught up in the blues that all kids go through of the dream of having two parents in the home.my parents were divorced when I was 3 and every once and a while I get caught into that should a would a coulda and i'm 30 but you get over it .she will to. If he wants kids thats him ,If you can't have children he should leave you the heck alone.as for the stepkid you can offer her time and material things but if she is not feeling you or vice-versa.why kill yourself.you try and be her friend not her stepmum. you continue being a good wife and woman.but if you are feeling to much scrutiny leave and start over fresh.there are plenty of men in the world who are in no rush to have children.
2006-08-20 11:21:27 · answer #4 · answered by rasheda c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off when you date somebody with kids regardless of the situation you have to accept the child as a package deal. You haven't forgiven him if you resent his child and your still dwelling on something that happened over a decade ago. The child didn't ASK to be here so its not her fault. Before you make an effort to be a stepmother you need to make an effort to REALLY forgive. If not your not ever going to be happy cause you will live in the past.
2006-08-20 11:14:08 · answer #5 · answered by truthbetold 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I can understand how you feel. My lady has a three yr old and things are a bit tough already. Not looking forward to when she wises up and sees how to do the playing game. As we talk about I can just show her I care about her and that im there. Hope she will accpet me some day. It is hard when they tell you to go away, dont talk to me and such. How long has he been aware you can't have kids? Only time will tell if his daughter will ever come around. Allot depends on the input shes getting from her real mother... Well good luck...
2006-08-20 12:02:46 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The child is an innocent victim in the whole situation. Try to get along with her and provide guidance when necessary and she asks. The child can probably feel the tension you have so may never warm up to you if you don't let go of the past. If you have forgiven yoru boyfriend you would not be feeling how you do towards his child.
2006-08-20 11:09:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were 12, and he was 18???? He should have gone to jail. But, that's past. Why are you just his girlfriend? Isn't 12 years enough to make up his mind? His daughter knows he hasn't bothered to marry you. Why would she feel you are worthy of respect, when you settle for a long term shack up rather than marriage. People tend to treat us as we believe we are to be treated. People that don't deserve respect, seldom get it. When you show that YOU believe you are worthwhile, perhaps others will treat you that way.
2006-08-20 13:25:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that a tuffy,being in a relationship that long and to have that going on I feel for you,you have to make the decision to know that child will always be there,no matter what and she will probably try to cause problems but you have to trust your b/f if you really love one another,cause children can cause you to separate and thats what the child probably wants a family of her own with mom and dad in the home together,poor thing its hard for her too wanting her mom and dad to herself sounds pretty normal,but what does her mother say,and how much communication does your b/f have with her,thats a very long time for her to keep hanging on to something that happened once. hope she finds someone of her own soon. goodluck to you
2006-08-20 11:13:30 · answer #9 · answered by alwayssmiling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should never be a stepmum, bcz according to your statement, it is looking that you are very kind in nature. So just try to accept the reality of fate. May be there would be an eternal peace in your life.
2006-08-20 11:10:43 · answer #10 · answered by Malik 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋