Help! My 10-yr-old "developed" too early, and is emotionally "too young" to talk about it. Any suggestions??

Question

At nine, she began puberty, developing breasts, underarm & pubic hair, and now, just barely 10, has gotten her period.

Intensely shy about it, she is (& always has been) emotionally "immature"... cries and shuts down if I push the issue.

Much to her horror, I showed her how to use pads, discussed when to use lighter flow (liners) vs. heavy (overnight), but I'm afraid her obsession on keeping this a secret will result in an "accident", if she does not change the pad through the day (my getting the school board to install disposal units in the stalls was another fun event).

My newest challenge is trying to get her to wear a bra. She has developed into a AA cup seemingly overnight - when she returns to school in a few weeks, this will be evident. A training bra will flatten her out a bit, but if I say the word BRA she cries and takes off.

How can I help her through this time & minimize her embarrassment at being "early"?

Are there less-obvious alternatives to "training bras"?

Answer 1

She is not that abnormal, alot of girls are developing earlier. My daughter was only 10 when she got her period and she is 11 now and wears a full A cup already. She also is shy about talking about stuff like that. I have found that if she and I go somewhere alone, that in the car with her sitting up front next to me is the best time. I would sayhat if your daughter really starts getting upset, to drop it and try again later. Maybe try getting her one of those sports style bras, they don't look as much like a bra, so maybe that would work. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I developed early and was very much like your daughter. Although I didn't get my period early, it was very embarassing to have boobs when the rest of my class didn't! Try sports bras (thin ones are less noticeable), and dont' make a big fuss over it. Buy some and put them in her room on her dresser or for her to notice. Don't embarass her by talking about it with other people or have other people confront her.. she probably will hear things at school enough! For awhile, take the time to make sure she has enough pads with her at school, and be there for her as support. When she gets her period, pack extra somewhere hidden that she knows about so she knows you care but keep the convo to a minimum. Pretty soon she'll come out of her shell but its hard to when you are that young.

Answer 3

Give her everything that she needs. She will be embraced not to wear the bras and pads. There will come a point when she finds that they help her and aren't as bad as she thought. Print up information and leave it on her bed to read. With having all of the information there she wouldn't feel embarrassed about talking to you about it. That is what my mom did for me and i find that is the best way to get the point across.

Answer 4

oh my god its sounds like me and you are right to be worried it was hard for me i was in a c cup at 11 years old iwas still playing barbies and high school guys were hitting on me grown men ogling me my mother became this Gila-monster of over protectiveness with good reason she was terrified of all the puberty hormones.what made my transition easier was of all people was my big brother,he bought me all my bras and stuff it was so hard for him and embarrassing and he made it fun for me by putting the bra cups on his head putting the bras up against him asking the pretty sales girls if the pink one brought out his eyes or if they made his butt look big,it was a laugh riot maybe if you're daughter had someone other than you to confide in maybe she will open up to how she is feeling mother daughter relationships are hard to say the least i tell you try to find someone for her to confide in,maybe an aunty or if there is no one try the big brothers,big sister organization they do wonderful things for kids sometimes a fresh pair of eyes does a world of good.

Answer 5

I think it would be best to give her the information she needs and then leave it alone. Don't make her feel any more different than she already does. She will figure it out on her own.

Answer 6

I would advise a child psychiatrist or counselor. Your daughter may respond better with someone besides her mother. This is not uncommon. Children's emotions and bodies develop at various rates.

Answer 7

Sounds like you have had a very trying time on your hands. Seems to me like you have tried to explain everything to her. It doesn't sound like you have missed too much, you can't protect her her whole like I know, but you sure like to try. Good Luck.

Answer 8

i think that you should talk to her even if she does cry. she has to learn, its for her good. and she shouldn't be embarrassed, its a sign that shes really a " big girl " now.