To divorce or not to Divorce??

Question

I got married at 17 because I belived that I was truely in love with my husband. Then a few months later I found out I was pregnant. And he completly changed. He got very verbally abusive, and has a major anger problem. I have tried to work it out, I went to counceling because he wouldnt, but nothing has changed. He wont spend any time with our son. We havent even slept in the same bed in over a year. I am so tired of being miserable. What would you do????

Answer 1

I feel for you as I read the responses you got was to divorce and get him to pay child support. Well I had similar experience with emotional abuse from my ex who has anger issues and is very vindictive. I found out that she didn't want to be with me and she choose to sleep after I left for work and she worked the night shift. I stayed foolishly for my kid sake knowing that the courts are biased. I filed for divorce and it has been very hard because of her vindictiveness even though I have a great GAL report stating that I was a integral part of my kid life. In your case, I would get your money records in order, make sure you plan for your exit from the marriage in order to protect you and your son. Build up your own credit before you leave remember planning is your best friend, Good luck

Answer 2

You have to think about what is best for your son. He shouldn't be exposed and subjected to a volitile atmosphere in his own home. Children learn by what they see and experience.

Your husband obviously has a communication problem and doesn't sound interested in trying to resolve the problems in your marriage. He's controlling you by cutting you off from any affection or emotional support and with his abusive outbursts. Try to tap into the many resources available so that you can get a babysitter and go back to school so that you can afford to live independently. ( which is something he probably feels you are not capable of) As well as gaining independence you will also meet new friends who will be supportative and add a new perspective on life. As your self esteem improves so will your strength in charactor and the easier it will be to make the changes neccessary to making your life as well as your sons better.

Let your husband know that he is not going to control your life. If you don't want to file for divorce right now tell him that you want to try a trial separation for at least 6 months to give you both time to re-evaluate your marriage and then do it. Perhaps knowing that you are not going to put up with this anymore and you mean business will make him realize that if he doesn't change he will lose his family. If there have been no changes in 6 months then I would file for divorce. Make sure that you get a fair settlement and adequate support for your son and then start working on putting the pieces of your life back together.

There are tons of resources out there to help you through a separation or divorce. Once you are on your own you will be able to see the picture a lot clearer and realize that no one deserves to be treated like that. Make sure to surround yourself with positive, emotionally healthy people who will encourage and support you in your new life. Join a single mothers group which can be a godsend as far as support and someone to talk to who is experiencing the same thing. Set some new goals for yourself and follow through with them, and you will find that you will start to regain peace and happiness in your life.

I was in a marriage very much like yours for 16 years and didn't realize how suppressed, controlled and unhappy I'd been until I was removed from the situation for a while. I also married young at 18. Divorce is never easy, but life is too short to spend it being unhappy and lonely. I hope the decisions you make result in a better life for you and your little one. My best wishes for happiness to you both.

Answer 3

Please leave now. I wish I had in my situation. I now have two children to a man who has been emotionally abusive, has let me down too many times to mention, has been addicted to pot until 6mths ago, has had an affair on me and drinks way too much every day. I have been trying to work it out now for the last 13yrs since I met him when I was 16. The longer you leave it the harder it is. Why have I stayed? There are many personal reasons which would make sense if I listed them all but the most important thing is that the longer you stay the harder it is too leave and like me when you think you love them so much you think that maybe another child will fix things, sounds stupid I know. Anyway just leave now, yesterday was not soon enough. You will not understand why I stayed but I know there are many other women who could identify with me & they would agree to leave while your child is still little and before you have any more.

Answer 4

Any time there is abuse you need to change or get out. The change would have to come from the abusive person. When you have a child in that type of family you by way of staying there tell the child this is the way you treet a women & this is how women want to be treeted. Please start over, it might not be what you want but it might be what is best for you & your child. I know you don't want your son to be like his dad so break the cycle. Give your son a chance to be a real man, not a bully. Luck be with you & yours.

Answer 5

When you said he completely changed, I don't think he did. He was most likely always like this, but you didn't know him well enough to realize it. Basically you got married to him way too soon without being completely sure who you were getting involved with. He probably did the same to you. Disscuss the problem with him, if he doesn't communicate, and has never really been much communication with you both, and if you both can't learn to communicate well with each other, then the relationship probably has no future. So get a diviorce, and next time, really know the person your with before marrying. Be honest with yourself. You don't want to make the same mistake again in the future.

Answer 6

A marriage is a team. Than means you work toward whatever goal you both share. Your husband isn't trying to be a team, in fact, he's working hard to wreck the team. I advise you to file for divorce. It is barely possible that when faced with a black and white choice, he "might" wake up and realize that it's time to grow up and be married, or end it. I'm betting on ending the marriage, and if that happens, you should explore moving, with your child. And make darn sure that you get child support started. Be prepared for real drama when he is told he MUST pay to support his kids.

Answer 7

Divorce the @$$...because if he is verbally abusive to you, what makes you think he wont be to your son???? Sometimes verbal abusers turn physical, and your better off getting out now while you still can, and building a good future for you and your son!!! (and if he wants visitation, make sure that its suprvised)

Answer 8

Guess you married really young and not too sure what is the age different between you and your husband, but staying on with this kind of relationship is kind of mental torture. Seek for family counsel and try talk to your spouse again, don't matter what decision you make the innocent party is always the kid, so spare a thought of him and move on with no regrets if you choose to leave him. Life is short!

Answer 9

maybe hes with someone else if hes not sleeping in the same bed with you that could be a possibility and your child does not need to hear your husband being verbally abusive because kids are like sponges they absorb everything and he will grow up to be that way,and if you are the only one going to counceling its a one sided relationship be good to yourself,dont be miserable you dont need him to be happy make yourself find happiness within yourself you can do it...good luck

Answer 10

Girl' Its time to go. There's no respect here and no love. Nobody can live that way. If he is not going to change then you got to go. And tell him that and mean it. Shake him up. If he is any kind of man at all he will not want to lose his family. And as far as the anger problem go's' If he ever hits you leave and never go back. Don't take no shi*. And don't let the child grow up in that kind of hel*