I am facing divorce and I have a beautiful almost 4 year old son. My husband came along when my son was 18 months, but I can't live with his lies and cruelty anymore. Since we moved, I don't have a support network anymore and feel guilty that my son will have to go back into daycare. I will have to go back to work in order to leave this man...I just need a little advice or encouragement. Thank you!
2006-08-19 22:39:42 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Going back to work will boost your confidence and you'll feel good about yourself and have a lot more self esteem because you are doing what is required to make your life and your son's life better. That's what mature and loving parents do. Being with a cruel person is not healthy for you or your son.
As far as your son going to daycare, a lot of mom's have to do that in order to work and the child will adapt and learn to love it faster than you will! At first of course he'll be upset, but that changes quickly as he makes friends and enjoys activities. Also, he'll be developing good social skills with other children and that's always a good thing.
Changing your life/lifestyle is hard at first, but some things are worth the effort... as well as necessary. Be proud of yourself for doing what you know you need to do. Really, you and your son are going to be just fine! :)
Good luck to you both!
2006-08-19 22:52:48 · answer #1 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know it's not so bad. The daycare will be fun for the little one. Go and look at a few, they really can be a huge benefiot to the kids. If you go back 300 years, the kids in a town all played together - in a way like our daycares now. It's not so bad.
Going out and working will do you the world of good. You need to be valued. Perhaps getting the right job is just what you really need. But choose something worthwhile and don't sell yourself short. Pick a job you want in a place you want. That way both your work and your life at home with your child will be a source of pleasure.
You'll soon be able to geta good place to live and a decent car - maybe someone else will come into your life too. Just take it a day at a time and work it through. You will be just fine.
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2006-08-21 00:44:23 · answer #2 · answered by j_f_sebastian82 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're making the right decision here. A relationship based on lies & cruelty will, on the long run, do more harm to your son than any amount of time spent in daycare. Just make sure to spend quality time with him when you get back from work & on weekends.
Someday he'll thank you for getting out of a screwed up relationship while it was still time, and for the extra effort you spent on making sure you both have a better life.
Good luck!!
2006-08-20 05:59:24 · answer #3 · answered by Zeina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only advice I can offer is to count your blessings. A healthy 4 year old is the biggest. Heck, ya really need nothing more, but you also have a good mind, and the confidence to know that you can and will make it. You will find a good man. When and where, you can't know, but eventually, good comes when you keep trying. For now, just keep raising your son, and help him become a man fit to be a husband. Everything else will follow.
2006-08-20 09:25:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You only have a bright future ahead of you. There is nothing wrong with you son being in daycare. Before you know it he will be in school anyway. Is there a preschool that you could put him in like headstart? That might help with some of the expenses associated with daycare. There are lots of women out in the world like yourself. You have no reason to feel guilty and should only be feeling proud of what you are doing in taking care of your son and yourself. Good Luck and God Bless you.
2006-08-20 08:15:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good on ya for leaving him.
I have been with my husband for 4 years in a couple of months and if he even lifted his hand in violence or was creul even once not only would I beat the hell out of him I would leave you do not need to put up with his rubbish.
If you live in australia you can talk to your local centrelink office, they can help even if your not eligible for payments, and your local DHS can help with subsidised housing and daycare they are a good support group. Another is your local police station they have contacts which can help and phone numbers, just ask another excellent support is lifeline they have experienced councillers and they are availiable 24/7 but I recommend lifeline and your local police station should be your first stop.
Once you have these contacts under your wing there will be nothing that will make you want to go back.
Good luck.
2006-08-20 05:53:56 · answer #6 · answered by belleprancer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, maybe George and Believer can lay off the heavy stuff for a minute alright? I think at the end of the day, you know in your own heart and mind what the right thing to do is... and to a certain extent, I think you've made up your mind to leave. Understandably, you are looking at some sacrifices you will have to make, and it is making you hesitate. The worst thing for a child is to grow up with unhappy parents, and worse yet, to feel as though they are somehow to blame. In order to do what's best for your child, sometimes you need to do what is best for you. Don't stay with someone who treats you poorly, for what kind of example will that set for your son? And although the majority of people, myself included, believe that it is worth fighting to save a marriage... there needs to be something there to fight for, and there is certainly no shame in ending a marriage (at least not to anyone who truly cares about other people).
2006-08-20 06:37:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you were depending on him a lot. You should try to move in with family and find another support group or group of support where you can be helped and your son can feel secure. If you can move in with family for now, that would be great.
For encouragement, you can try watching this movie called "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" by Tyler Perry. It is a movie that is dealing with this issue and it gave me encouragement after leaving my boyfriend who I was with for almost 6 yrs. I wish you the best of luck for you and your son and even for your husband. You might even want to try marriage counseling for you and your husband, it just might work.
2006-08-20 05:49:37 · answer #8 · answered by caramel_angelkiss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide what is the right thing for you and your son. You can find friends anywhere though and you should. Don't feel like you are alone in this. There are many single parents in the work force. There are also many women who stay in a relationship for their kids sake. Become friends with your neighbors and church members. Many people will be there for you when you need help. Don't be afraid to ask.
2006-08-20 05:47:32 · answer #9 · answered by charity2882 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you already know your doing whats right for both you and your little guy so just pack and leave you deserve so much better than that bully you cant have your son growing up in that kind environment, so girl like I said pack your bags and high tail it away from that guy , It will be tough at first its never easy to ease your way back into work and your son might like day care but as soon as he makes some new friends it will be easier on you . just remember there are groups out there to help you look them up through your social services .
2006-08-20 06:14:04 · answer #10 · answered by slick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋