me and my husband got back together and are very happy but i am so depressed?

Question

me and my husband split for a while this year and we have now got back together. i feel happy and glad to be with him and will never go through this again. but i feel so depressed and awful for leeting my marriage get into this state in the first place. i cant concentrate and im trying very hard to put a brave face on to my husband and everyone but inside im almost dying from the pain and guilt. what can i do? i feel scared and sad all the time.. how can i stop myself feeling so bad?

Answer 1

Lou lou...you need to go to counseling and or go talk to a minister or priest...I feel for you and I hope the best for you!!!

Answer 2

It sounds as though you are accepting all of the blame for your marriage breakdown, when in fact there must have been a communication breakdown between both of you. First of all you have to stop harbouring all of the guilt and blame by yourself. Marriage is work and not always the bed of roses we envision it to be, and we're all human and make mistakes or bad judgement calls. If you are hiding your feelings from your husband and feel you can't discuss this with him, it would appear that there is still a blockage in the communication. He may very well be feeling the same way as you and also trying to spare your feelings. You really need to discuss this with him. If you both want this to work you have to be able to talk to each other. Good healthy and open discussion is crucial to any relationship.

Wait for a time when you are not rushed or busy, and tell your husband that you need to talk to him. Tell him exactly how you feel and ask him how he feels about how things are going. Give him the chance to express his feelings too in a relaxed, non confrontatational way. You may be surprised at the response you get if you tell him how important the marriage is to you and that you want to clear the air so you can both start over again in a healthier manner.

If he doesn't want to discuss anything with you, talk to a friend, relative or clergyman about your feelings. The reason you are feeling depressed is probably because the reason for the breakup in the first place was probably never resolved, but rather put on the back burner and you are both trying to carry on as though nothing ever happened. The old problems have to be resolved first so you can change whatever wasn't working and that can't happen if you're not communicating. Nor is the problem going to go away on it's own if you both stepped right back into the marriage without fixing what was wrong. The same issues will still be there, and nothing will have changed.

If all else fails make an appointment with a marriage counsellor who can help you work through the problems you are having. If your husband won't go then go yourself. Unless you had an affair or something like that which is making you feel guilty, you will probably find that you were not solely to blame. Keep in mind as well that if your husband refuses to discuss things with you or seek help with you, that the part of the problem probably lies in his inability to openly communicate with you, in which case he will have to make some changes in order to make things work. If it is only you who can't communicate then you will have to make some changes.

Whatever the cause of the marriage breakdown, even if you have forgiven him, you have to forgive yourself as well. You obviously have not been able to do this and that is the first step you have to take, even if it means getting help from a professional. You also have to be honest with your husband, which you are not doing if you are hiding the way you really feel instead of being open with him about it. He can't read your mind and you are not going to move forward in this marriage if you are always sad and depressed, especially if you are making him think otherwise. You are not being honest with him and that in itself spells disaster.

I hope everything works out for you and that you can overcome your feelings and enjoy your reunion with your husband. All the best to you.

Answer 3

Reading between the lines, I'm assuming you were unfaithful. OK. You two are trying to get through this, and that's wonderful. This isn't something that goes away quickly, the effects of cheating last for years. Guilt IS good. The pain and guilt will damn well guarantee that you won't do anything like this again-EVER. Knowing that, your husband can hope to save the marriage. You are either a heck of a nice person, who did something stupid, or lucky enough to have a great man for a husband. I suspect, it's some of both. Now, start putting this behind you, and spend the next thirty years being the wife you want to be. If you do that, you'll have a very lucky husband.

Answer 4

It sounds like something is worrying you, reading between the lines I would guess that the reason for your split is still haunting you. If you feel you were to blame for the split, then you need to forgive yourself, as your husband obviously has. Sounds like you need to talk to someone. If you can't discuss your feelings with your husband, (although you should be able to) then maybe someone who knows you both and understands your situation.

I do understand what you're going through, having done the same, split and got back together. But remember its not all your fault the marriage split. It takes two to make a marriage work, but if you can't talk to each other now after all you've been through, then you may end up back where you started.
The most important thing I've learnt from my past mistakes, is that bottling it up will not make it go away, and communication and trust is so important for a marriage to work.
Hope you work it out.

Answer 5

You need to keep a journal and write everything you are feeling. You have to move forward and think about your marriage and not dwell on the past no matter what the reasons were that you left in the first place. Your husband is able to be happy so you are need to focus on making yourself happy. You need to take it day by day. Put your energy and effort into your marriage. A man loves when a woman is happy. You have a husband...probably a nice home and maybe some kids. Why are you depressed? Things could be worse.

Answer 6

Your question suggests that perhaps it was you at fault in relation to the breakdown of your marriage.

You say you are happy to be back together. Count your blessings and try to move in. Do not dwell on the past - you CANNOT change it.

You are aware of whatever caused your marriage problems now. Use it as a positive experience and try to ensure it does not happen again.

Life is a learning curve. Don't beat yourself up over mistakes you may have made.

You are back together so I suspect your husband loves you.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I feel for you. You've had a big wrench from the big day with the wedding vows, and the perfect fairy-tale has faltered. But have you heard that a bone, when broken, knits back stronger than it was? There was no big deal infidelity here, it seems you used to argue - I've read what you said about this earlier - and I grew up in a house with a mother whose life purpose was to rant. It achieves nothing. There are things on your mind - re-training as an art teacher for one, insecurity and self-doubt, financial worries, who doesn't have them? Yes, your husband may have spoken to other women, may have discussed you with them. You were on his mind enough for him to do so. You've spoken to men. Discussed him with them. Speaking to a member of the opposite sex, that someone knows from working with them, that someone respects, admires and trusts the opinion of, it's not loosening clothing and going for it in the stationery cupboard, is it? Is that what you did? Why do you think he did that?
I'm not saying that this will all turn out rosy, and last forever. Not all marriages do these days, and I'd be wrong to say otherwise. But whoever you are with, just give them, consistently, your love, admiration, affection and attention. Make him feel like the guest of honour in your home, your heart, your arms and your bed, and he'll do the same for you.
Communicate! The closest confidante to your heart, should be the man you accepted to walk through life with! If you can't talk to him, then who? What I'd strongly recommend, is that you DON'T see the doctor for any mood-altering medication. That will change you, will paper over these cracks, and that's no good, they need filling properly, and you need a clear, focussed mind for that.
I would show him this page, I really would. Let him see that you are in turmoil, need reassurance, and can't keep showing a poker-face when you're breaking up behind your cards.

Peace and good luck to you both.

Answer 8

The main point would be whether or not you "actually" love him and vice-versa. If so, then you should fight like heck to overcome what split you up in the first place, and do this together. There's no point in just one of you tryng to overcome the demons that made you split in the first place. If you both love one another and want this to work, then seek a little counselling together. If you have let family, money and all the other hum-drum things of life drive you apart, take time out together, go away for a weekend. Re-discover what attracted you to each other in the first place. If either of you are not sure of your love, then it woudn't be fair to the other half if this were to become a reunion that falls apart again in weeks or months to come.

Answer 9

This happened to be really recently with my partner and it came out of the blue- i didnt think anything was wrong but when we had our break I realised that things were quite bad- its alot better now and we hopefully wont let the relationship go the way it did, so we've agreed to communicate more.
I felt really low although I was happy that we got back together and that my partner didn't want to split, I just did'nt know why I was feeling this way, then I realised that its because he had really hurt me, and after something like that you can't throw yourself back into the same routine.
It takes time because you're also worried that it might happen again.
My advice, talk, listen go with the flow and most importantly, think about what you want out of the relationship and don't take any ****, your worth more than that!
good luck, xxx

Answer 10

Time is the best healer, try not to think about the past but dont forget what caused this in the first place and concentrate on not letting it happen again, seperation in a marriage can be very damaging emotionally but you both have to work at it together and gain trust for each other again. Think about when times were good and you will get there if you both want to.

Answer 11

Try herbal medication instead of prescription from the doctor, try Kalms tablets calm you down and make you sleep better at night (buy over the counter).
Talk to a professional sometimes speaking to someone who isn't a friend or a family member can help.
Sounds to me you love your husband but your not IN love with him.
You need to close the gap instead of sitting round not talking much feeling down all the time, not smiling much, wondering if the grass could have been greener on the other side!
If you keep thinking of the past you will never move forward. Sometimes we need to make sacrifices i know that's easier said than done but please e-mail if you need a friend. take care