Concered about the past behaviors?

Question

I have been with my husband for 4 years married for two. The last two years have not been easy as he gets very defensive and has a bad temper(he's in the marine corp). In the last two years he has: thrown his wedding ring at me, punched the steering wheel in his truck repeadlty, hit and thrown things across the room many times, crushed a bag of potato chips and dumped it all over my living room floor, slammed his fists down on tables, and he has cursed saying **** you, or shut up,... I have tried to stayed with him and work through his anger and help him open up and communicate. This behavior has improved in the last 2-3 months and he communicates a lot more, but i really worry about future behavoir. He is working on it but i don't think its gone. We don't have any chidlren.....do you think this behavoir will continue into the future? This is abuse right?

Answer 1

Well it's on the brink of serious abuse. I would recommend seeing a counselor before you have children. The military probably provides something for military families.

Without proper counseling and learning to deal with his anger, it will never completely disappear and children may aggravate it and make it worse.

I wonder what happens to trigger these things. Do they come from nowhere? He is obviously able to maintain enough control not to hit or lash out too badly by calling you names.

Answer 2

Asking forgiveness is the first even to those you refuse to grant it to. many situations I have apologized for issues i did not do and became accused for in my existence, purely because I befell to be there. No i'm not a saint, a ways from it, i desire an excellent type of work to make sainthood. yet each in certain situations to dodge a wrestle or argument this is extra constructive to easily say i'm sorry than to commence yet another conflict of words. or perhaps i'm only a coward. God's knows the truth for particular and the guy who did it in no way spoke up, Who would. i'm not gun ho to worsen a wrestle. And sorry is all the guy had to hearken to. that close anybody in contact down. So attempt to convey regret to the others, It makes you the further constructive individual for it. God bless you.

Answer 3

Yes it's emotional abuse with some hints of leading into physical abuse. Even if he has changed over the past few months, there may be some counseling needed for you both. I recommend seeking counseling for yourself first and getting the opinion of your counselor regarding where to go from there. You don't want to cause an upset with him especially if he is being agreeable right now...just tell him you are dealing with problems from childhood or from the stresses of work or something alike. You need to be cautious to avoid an upset but you need some counseling to deal with the past (don't tell him that) and to figure out why you are with him. Good luck and just be careful.

Answer 4

Yes, it's abuse. It would probably still be if he treated his dog that way. Come on, you know it isn't being a Marine. It's being him. Nobody, and nothing justifies this silliness. I fault you for allowing him to act like a spoiled child. Stop making excuses for his tantrums. He starts being an adult, a lover, and a friend, or you leave. End of discussion. Then, do it. You deserve better. For darn sure, don't have kids under these conditions.

Answer 5

Yeah, this behavoir will most likely continue.

I am concerned that this behaviour will worsen later, especially after he is out of the service and thinks that "nobody is looking now."

Talk to your chaplain. Talk to his CO if necessary.

I don't know if this crosses the line beyond spousal abuse. But, it does indicate an unhealthy relationship.

For local support, find someone who isn't a dependant.

Answer 6

If it gives you gut rot and lowers your self esteem around him, then yes it is abuse.
I really don't think its you (could be wrong, and just an oppinion), that he is mad at, given his job, thats a pretty stressful job. I think you need to make a few marriage counselling sessions. There is nothing wrong with counselling it could change your relationship and be helpful in ways you didn't realize you needed help in. Give it a try, there are some underlying issues that need to be dealt with. If you love each other and want this you gotta try something and I would try that before i try talking anymore as I would be scared of his re-action. Good luck to you, keep us posted

Answer 7

I don't know that it's abuse - sounds more like rage issues because when he's angry, he's angry in general and doesn't necessarily direct it at you. But he does need help with that or there may come a time where he DOES direct it at you and you could get hurt.

There are counselors who work with people with rage disorders who help them avoid or channel their anger in acceptable ways. There are also medications for this condition if it warrants taking them.

Answer 8

in a way or at least were it could lead to, he sounds more like a child throwing a tantrum, he probable needs his gun to feel manly and Misses it on skivvy street i would suggest you buy him a plastic one to carry about when he is not at work and get him a little book that you can mark with gold stars on the days he don't act up, if this don't work a good spanking will do and then tell his mum,

Answer 9

Ask him to go to for anger management. Encourage him to continue to improve. Tell him that if he explodes again you are out of the relationship. Leave it another while before you plan on having children

Answer 10

It's the Marine Corps brainwashing mentality over a mind with a weak spirit. Get him into see a chaplain or therapist or he will die at an early age.