Do you ever get annoyed by the gay community? Do you feel that your grouped into a group of people and a culture you DON'T identify with? DID you or DO you still have gay/lesbian friends who don't understand your desire to assimilate into "straight" culture? (I'm a female to male transsexual that never identified as "lesbian" and now my lesbian friend from before my transition is upset with me that I don't want to hang out in gay bars and stuff with her) I mean I have gay friends, but I don't feel gay, and have no real desire to embrace myself in gay culture, but my friend says I'm still a "lesbian" which really hurt me, because that's not what I am. Am I wrong for being upset with her, or is she just not getting it?
2006-08-19 21:44:12 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Personally, I'm a gay male and not transgendered. I haven't personally gone through the same experiences as you, but I try to understand all forms of sexuality and gender identity, and I've also been involved in different parts of the queer community, so maybe I have something to offer.
It seems to me that your friend doesn't understand that you are a man, not a woman. I can see why it would upset you to be called a lesbian, as that implies your gender as female, when you have discovered yourself as a male. (I don't mean to imply here that woman are inferior to men, just that for you, bohemianboy, that you have come from something you believed you weren't to something you believe you are, to be shoved back to where you came from would, I guess, be similar to me being shoved back into the "straight" basket, back into the proverbial closet as it were :P )
I would consider you a straight male. However, generally, transgendered people are considered part of the larger "queer" community. I don't mean that term in the offensive sense, I mean it as a term to represent the GLBTI community as a whole.
What it ultimately comes down to though, is how you see yourself fitting into the community. If you wish to be less involved, if at all, with the queer community, that is your choice, and it's a perfectly good one. Your friends need to understand that you are a man and that you consider yourself straight.
Sorry if my answer doesn't flow well, I'm a bit tired, but I hope what I said helps.
2006-08-19 23:36:27 · answer #1 · answered by Shaun B 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm not transsexual, but I definitely support gay/lesbian/transgendered/anything and everything in between communities considering I'm omni. I just think that because your friend hasn't gone through what you have and doesn't have your mentality, she really can't wholly grasp how you feel. However, this requires both sides to be a bit objective. You do realize WHY she would refer to you as a lesbian, right? You may not agree with her, and you may think she's totally being ignorant, but that's just how she thinks. Confront her if you're this upset about being labeled that, and tell her why. As far as not identifying with the gay community, make new friends you do identify with whether they be transgendered or straight or whatever. I don't know. I'm not you, so I can't speak for your preferences as far as friends go. Furthermore, you don't have to go to gay bars every night if you don't want to (though I would if I could ^^). Find a place you're more comfortable with, and drag her along since she's gotten to take you where she wants to go all this time.
2006-08-19 22:01:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, is this a loaded question or what? I'll start with what I think you're trying to ask. I think you have enery right to be upset with her for not being more openminded. You are a straight guy and not a lesbian. To say otherwise to your face is an insult, especially if she's been around you long enough to get the whole trans thing, which it doesn't seem like she does. Either she is narrow-minded or just has never thought about transsexuality and understood what it's really about.
And for a few other responces to what you asked. As for the assimilation into straight society part, I have no desire to do so. There's so few of us visible to the world that we haven't begun to reach out to society and gain understanding and, hopefully, acceptance. I'll be as out as I can be. Then again, this gets into another part of what you asked. I define myself as queer, so I'm in the community for life. As for "the community" I see it as at least 4 seperate communities really. Sometimes we're good friends other times we're at eachother's throats. I think this just about covers everything...
2006-08-20 02:05:58 · answer #3 · answered by carora13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm a woman that purely befell to were born with transsexualism. except being on the internet no individual knows i became born with transsexualism except my instant kinfolk.
2016-11-30 20:59:54 · answer #4 · answered by kalamaras 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't get it, and you are not wrong for getting upset with her. Sometimes people dont' fit into neat little groups, like society wants them to. Just ask her to accept you for who you are.
2006-08-19 21:49:55 · answer #5 · answered by rita_alabama 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
shes not getting it. its possible she liked you more than a friend when u were a girl but now ur not and shes upset and trying to forget it or something i dont know. if ur a girl and u like girls and u get a sex change into a guy and still like girls...ur str8 in my book.
2006-08-19 21:53:23 · answer #6 · answered by mat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shes not getting it..you are not wrong for being upset with her
2006-08-19 21:56:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋