i am in process of adopting a child . mom los t the children due to drugs, she was given 2 years to get them back but she refused to .now, i want this child to grow up in a normal enviroment , ofcource with time ill let her know but should she be in the picture? the child id 5 years of age.
2006-08-19 20:12:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
child has beenin the system more that 1 year already and mom does not visit her!
2006-08-19 20:26:23 · update #1
just wanted to add mom lost all 5 children.
2006-08-19 20:28:24 · update #2
Honestly, even at the age of 5, she has been in the system for a year already so the memories of her mom are there, but I'd say the bond is not. I wouldnt let the mother be a part of her life until she has been able to prove herself able to stay clean for AT LEAST a year, which, to me doesnt sound like it will happen if she wasted a 2 year period to try and get them back. Until that happens, I wouldnt let the mother anywhere near her. She hasnt been a positive influance on that child's life thus far and therefore has no reason to be allowed to see her.
Raise that baby the best you can, give her everything in life that a mother should and help her become a healthy productive adult in the world, bascially do everything that wasnt given to her for her first 5 years. I wish you the best of luck in all of this.
2006-08-19 20:43:41 · answer #1 · answered by ~ Amanda ~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lean to private adoptions. I have a daughter who is 26 yr old and I adopted her when she was 11 weeks old. All her life she knew she was adopted. When she had her first child she thought about finding her birth parents. But made the decision not to.
I have friend who had open adoptions and it was confusing to the kids. Especially when the birth mom continued to let the children down.
A 5 year old has lived a long time without a good family. You are wonderful to open your home to her.
If the birth mother is into drugs this would constantly be a stress for the child who is suppose to bond with you yet ocassionally sees a strange woman who is stoned or worse.
This is my opinion. The decision is up to you. If your daughter in the future wants to find her birth family, then you can support her on this.
God Bless You!
2006-08-20 03:41:29 · answer #2 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would allow visits. The child will grow up to hate youother ways. The important thing is to remember vists should be with you. I would not let the bio-mom take the child overnight or out of town, not even to the mall without you. This is a woman who messed up royally. But if you can make the visit thing work it sounds like the best solution.
2006-08-20 03:28:09 · answer #3 · answered by CHAD K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tough question i would say NO at this time the woman next door has lost all custody with her 4 children because she wouldn't comply with the state you can let the child know that you want to love him or her and will give the child a stable home in time if the mother get's straight then maybe some visits only if she is stright and watch out for this woman that she dosen't try to take her against her will from school it has happened before a friend of mine had his doughter taken and she went to mexico they had a hard time getting her back good luck
2006-08-20 03:34:34 · answer #4 · answered by dalecollins64 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow--tough one. I don't think there's a right answer. By 5, the child has bonded with her, but you have to make a judgment call as to what kind of influence she'd be. She obviously has little ability to manage herself, and I'd worry that she would not respect boundaries that you would be trying to enforce consistently. I can easily foresee her wanting to undermine your authority.
I'd say this much, I'd never let her be alone with the child.
How about set a goal that may lead to visitation? Like clean tests for a year and steady employment?
God bless you for opening up your home to a child in great need--good luck.
2006-08-20 03:21:43 · answer #5 · answered by Pepper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
God bless you, obviously you are a very caring person, But I don't think it would be a good idea for one she had 2 years to do something to change her life around she choose not to the child is already confussed as it is this child needs to be loved by someone that is willing to show her family values and stability, I'm not saying the biological mother can turn her life around but after loosing 5 kids shes had her chance. These kids need security and she can't give it. She needs to get fixed so she can't have any more.The kids are going to have problems as it is and if she was to be involved in their lifes it would confuse them more.
2006-08-20 06:01:05 · answer #6 · answered by crazyvailaz 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think ur best bet is to go talk to a child psychologist, and ask their advice.. then make ur decision from there.. u may want to keep in contact via mail and pictures but it may not be a good idea to actually bring this child "in to her life, or them into hers" till they are much older.. and with her having a drug problem i doubt she's the kind of person u'd want influencing ur child or knowing where u live.. so id get a P.O. box .. and its going to take a long while before she can prove that she's straightened up her act..
2006-08-20 03:34:37 · answer #7 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you do decide to let her have contact that you never ever let them be alone. Supervise all communication. Or keep it strictly to things like letters until the child is much older.
2006-08-20 03:27:09 · answer #8 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think, by the sounds of it, that she wants to be. But for now it probably wouldn't be a good idea. I don't think she would be a good influence on the child.
2006-08-20 09:15:21 · answer #9 · answered by doglady 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is so much to factor in on this situation and the best advice i can give you is do what is best for the child and keep her interests at heart good luck
2006-08-20 03:20:06 · answer #10 · answered by sweetie1995 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋