how do i handle this... ( involves friends and cheating )?

Question

ok first off im gonna use fake names, for privacy reasons.

Ok first im gonna say, Ben, Andra, matt, and myself are all friends with each other

My Friend ben is dating this girl andra, and andra has been wanting to break up with him for a little while now.

well today i found out that andra and matt apparently screwed last night. and i cant understand why. ben is a good guy, he may not be as good looking as matt, but still wtf? Who deserves to get cheated on.

On the other hand, i have been friends with matt for 8 years, and is like a brother to me. idk if he was thinking with his dick or what.

This really makes me think of andra and matt as terrible people, cause i have high morals. ( even low moral people should still thinks its just awful. )

Should i tell ben? or keep it to myself. Ben dosent know yet, and idk if matt or andra is gonna tell him. And how can i get over feeling that matt is a Terrible person? Cause i still think of his as like a brother and best friend

also if i was to tell ben i would be betraying matt. I really have no ******* idea what i should do....

I found out because i was with them tonight, and they pretty much said it.

Matt dosent even really like Andra, i know that.

And there are so many answers, alot contradicting each other. So making this decision is hard.....

Answer 1

Hey hun.. i ahve been in a similar situation. i understand that u think of "Matt" as a brother but "Ben" has a right to know... i would tell "Andra" and "Matt" know that one of them needs to tell "Ben" or you will because u are friends with all of them... cheating is wrong and if she wanted to break up with him then she should have done it before sleeping with someone else... it wrong and shows bad character when they do things like that. i know you want to spare there feelings but did they spare "Bens" feelings when they went out and had sex i think not. "Ben" should know and if they dont tell him i think you should.... xoxo mwah

Answer 2

I would suggest that you be away from any of the mess and act as if you don't know anything. If you tell Ben the truth, may be Ben will break his relationship from Matt and Andra and you will lose Andra and Matt. The other possibility is after you tell the truth to Ben, they will have some hard talk and ultimately they will reconcile amongst themselves (i tell you the probability of his happening is high), then you stand to lose everybody from that group.

Answer 3

OOOK a true friend will tell him in the end he will thank you all you can say is Well i am a true friend tell him the bad news and then tell "matt" that you are sorry but you have to be a friend with Ben too if matt is a really good friend he will understand if not he will go off the deep end but understand that if ben finds out you know and didn't tell him you will lose him as a Friend for sure. if you tell you might lose matt but at lease you will be doing the right thing and no one can tell you anything for doing the right thing

Answer 4

thats a bad situation to be in and i would just stop talking to matt and andra cause they put you in a situation you should not be in, and dont tell ben cause if you stop talking and hanging out with matt and andra they will start feeling guilty and fess up and they will be wondering if you told ben and that will make them feel uncomfortable, but if my best friend knew that my significant other cheated on me i hope they would have the balls to tell me good luck

Answer 5

First of all, sounds like "friends" aren't like they use to be when I was "out" there.

If Andra has been waiting to break up with Ben, this is a good way for HER to do it. Let them handle this problem and you stay out of it. They will turn on you and make you feel like you have done something wrong.

Don't go around them and act like something is going on either. If you can't do that, make up some excuse and stay away from them for a while.

Go to Andra and let her know how uncomfortable you are with this going on. Ask her what is she planning on doing.

If she and Ben act like nothing has happened, are you sure something did?

BTY, looks don't have anything to do with cheating. I was dating a good looking man and fell in love with a red-head ugly guy. Head over heals in love.

Answer 6

You should confront Matt and tell him that if he doesn't come clean to Ben, then you will have to clear the air. If he hates you for it or comes up with some stupid reason why it is best not to tell, ignore him. Give him a few days to decide. After that you need to tell Ben. It is in the Guy Law section "friends", article "moral rules of dating"

Answer 7

You're right no body deserves to be cheated on....if I was you then I would talk to matt and andra tell then how you feel and tell matt that if he dosent tell ben then you will!

Answer 8

i was recently in a similar situation and i tried to take the high ground and it blew up in my face horribly and now all the involved parties refuse to speak to me... so for that reason i wouldn't tell ben, but i would tell andra to break up with ben immediately, and also talk to matt about how disappointed this makes you feel because you thought he was better than this. good luck.

Answer 9

To be honest I don't know how to answer this question. It's a catch 22. You can tell Ben but lose Matt's friendship. I can't help you there.

Answer 10

Well, you only have to ask yourself one question .... what would you want from Ben if he knew this about your girl?

Matt doesn't seem to respect anyone ... so throw him out of the equation.

Treat people as you want to be treated ... PERIOD !!

And you should base your actions based on how you would want to be treated if you were in Ben's position.