My ex pays child support cause its court ordered, our 4 year old daughter loves her father but he sees her once every 4 weeks to 6 months, and I have given him a open door to see her when he wants
My little girl asks why don't daddy see me I don't talk bad about her dad who is 40 or his new wife who is 20 , and I don't care to (every little girls wants her daddy to love her ) but my ex cares less unless its time to play disnelyland dad , what can I tell her without breaking her heart ??
2006-08-19 19:42:47 · 10 answers · asked by twistedsingle 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
nothing unless she asks, then u answer her as honestly as possible but for her age.. reasure her that u and her daddy love her very much.. let her call him 10 times a day if she needs to.. try to talk to him and explain that if nothing else he needs to call her more frequently.. explain to him, that if he doesnt want to speak with u , thats fine, set up a time, and have ur daughter pick up the phone, if that doesnt work, talk to the wife, explain to her how bad your daughter is hurting and basically beg for her to intervine with atleast getting him to see and talk to her more..(if she has a heart at all, she will help) .. If that doesnt work, restrict all communications, and all visits.. I know he's entitled to all of this, but the way he's doing it is mental abuse.. she needs a dad.. and it is tearing her up inside when he cant step up to the plate.. Send a Certified letter to her dad, explaining what is going on with her, something u can prove to the court that u've tried every means possible..record all days and times he's called or seen her.. to show a lack of communication on his part, and times ur daughter trys to call him but no answer ect.. . but make him take u to court if this doesnt work out.. and id tell the judge that it is emotionally damaging to ur child what he's doing, and force him to have to take parenting classes and have supervised visitations so that its logged when he sees her and when he doesnt, more then likely the way he's actting he wont take u to court.. but if he's going to be this way its better her hurt now, and get over him at a young age then prolonging the pain, TRUST ME, im going through this now, my x husband left when my oldest son was 3, i did everything in my power to get my x husband to be a dad to our kids.. offered him just about anything, begged , pleaded, yelled, talked, cried, everything to get him to call and see the kids, but in the 10 years we've been divorced, i can count on 2 hands how many times he's seen our kids, and i can count on one hand how many times in the last 6 years.. i was stupid, i covered for their dad, made up excuses, bought bday and x mas presents and put his name on them so they wouldnt know their dad forgot them, made him seem like this great dad, in hopes he'd grow up some day and want to be a dad to our kids again..and now my 14 year old son is still wishing his dad would be a real dad instead of someone that calls every 4 months and hardly sees him, my x has told him that his sisters (children from a new marriage) need him more then my sons do.. my son cant understand why his dad doesnt want to be with him and trys to do all he can to impress him thinking that will make him love him more.. and gets angry when his dad doesnt keep his word.. but yet wont tell his dad how he really feels for fear his dad will drift even further away.. SO TRUST ME.. if u try and he doesnt listen and nothing changes.. let ur child get over him and dont push any longer. no sooner does my son get use to him not being around he drifts back into his life, my son gets excited, and then he rips away from him again, its a constant cycle of his dad ripping his heart out time and time again, if i could go back in time, i would of let my x husband drift away so my son could of gotten over him and not keep on wishing his dad would change..
2006-08-19 20:01:24 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation. My daughters father would only come around and/or call once or twice a year. I finally told him that he could not call any more. I told him that he was being emotionally abusive and neglectful and that I would no longer allow him to harm my daughter. I have not heard from him in 2 years. My daughter is six now. She has a very strong relationship with his parents and his other children. I know that she occasionally sees him while she is with his parents as I did not feel that I should involve them in this in any way. When she asks me how come she can't spend the night with her daddy I tell her the truth. That even though he loves her very much that sometimes adults make mistakes and he is no longer allowed to see her. I don't know if it is the right decision, but it is the only one I could make. What your ex is doing is child abuse. It is emotional abuse, abandonment and neglect. If you were to do that, you would go to jail and lose custody of your daughter. Why should it be any different for him?
2006-08-20 03:24:51 · answer #2 · answered by shellybellycocoapuff 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be a good mother and be thankful she is in your life everyday. my kids are 11 and 9 both girls and theyre dad sees them maybe twice a year and we have been divorced for 6 yrs. At first it was hard like how you said the baby wants to know why daddy doesnt want to see or talk to them but as they get older they will figure it out, i never bad mouth him or talk bad about him now my 11 yr old understands a little better and when he wants to see her she tells him no cause she wants to be with me and now its him who is hurting, my 9 yr old is getting to the point where she doesnt care if she sees him or not and it hurts him now, im a single mom and i work hard to take care of my girls and they know the hardships we have gone through and will continue to grow through as a single parent family but we depend on each other and love each other and thats all that matters, just keep being a great mom and love your baby girl and everything will fall into place
2006-08-20 03:17:13 · answer #3 · answered by sweetie1995 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am kind of in the same situation. I have a 3yr old who also loves her daddy, but he only sees here on special occasions like father's day or birthday. He is a branded "Deadbeat Dad" but I never talk bad about him to my little girl. I will let her make her own decision when she is older. She loves her daddy very much, and everytime she sees me talking on the phone, she asks me if it's her daddy.
I wouldn't tell her anything bad about her daddy. She has a mind of her own and soon enough will realize what's going on when she sees less and less of him.
2006-08-20 03:07:28 · answer #4 · answered by rosie71gue 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is more heart breaking than watching your child suffer because an absent parent doesn't try to be a significant part of his/her life. When my daughters' father and I divorced, we went through something similar. At first, I tried to make excuses for him, but I soon realized it wasn't helping my children. So I simply stated the truth: I didn't know why their dad wasn't calling or coming to see them. Then, I would try to get them to talk about their feelings. With a four year old, it's harder. One thing that I would do is reassure her that you will be there when she needs you.
2006-08-20 02:59:51 · answer #5 · answered by uglygrandmother 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a single parent myself I can relate to what you are saying. My exwife didn't want our daughter from the beginning.
Sadly there is not a lot you can do. You can't make the father want to see her more. Just try to explain to her that her dad is busy and cannot come over that often. NEVER talk bad about him because this will make you the bad person, she loves her dad and if you talk bad about him she will see it as you are trying to turn her against him. As she ages she will be able to see the truth with her own eyes and see her father for what he really is.
Best of luck.
2006-08-20 02:53:05 · answer #6 · answered by Mav 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No sense in telling a 4 yo anything grown up.
Or bad mouthing him cuz it'll just teach her bad manners and disrespect. Tell her something nice like your daddy loves you very much. Then distract her with a hug and a kiss and playtime together. If possible, move closer if you live too far for him to come get her more often. If he's paying support, good for you and her...and just chalk it up to a child-support paying working dad's hours.
2006-08-20 03:01:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that her Daddy loves her very much. Re assure her of that. But also tell her that daddy's life has changed. Don't blame the other person. Try to involve him on things for his daughter. Have her send out the invitation to him for a party or a get together. Has she adapted to the other person in his life?
The Kid still needs to be a kid!
2006-08-20 02:49:23 · answer #8 · answered by EZV 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
right now you need not to break her heart, she needs stability, i know its hard trust me, but little white lies dont hurt and she will understand in the end
2006-08-20 02:49:54 · answer #9 · answered by 7am gangster 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
START PUTING HER AGAINST HIM!
2006-08-20 02:49:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋