How can I stop missing my child so much? I try to have fun, but it still hurts inside.?

Question

My 2 year old has to go to her father's for a week every other week, and it breaks my heart every minute that I'm not with her. I go to counseling, I go to church, I go out with family and friends, and still my heart and soul hurts so bad. I cry when I go to sleep, I cry during my dreams, and I cry when I wake up. So far nothing makes it better. I know the only thing that will is to have my little girl by my side all the time, not just half, but her father and the courts don't see it that way. They don't care how great of a mom I am, they think taking me and her brother out of her life for half of it is a good thing. Me and her father don't even fight. He just doesn't want me around. So they push me and my family aside like we don't matter. One day when she turns of school age they may take her away from us even more, leaving us with only seeing her every weekend. We live far from dad that's why I'm so worried. I'm scared I'm going to get real sick soon too. What should I do?

Answer 1

I Am sorry for your pain, if you are going to counseling, i hope you are getting some help.
So you are sharing custody with your x-
I want you to know that that is not necessarily bad, unless he is a bad man,

When my husband and i split up, he was getting my son every other weekend, and he was not happy
one day he said to me, why is it you get our son all the time, and i do not, i am a good parent also,,

My husband was right, he was a good person and parent, and my soon was only thirteen months old,
so we decided to have joint custody, i had my son one week, and then his dad had him one week, and it worked out good,
My son never had to pack a bag, as he had two sets of clothes, and toys, he had two families who loved him.
and my son did just fine, as i lived at the beach, love the ocean, and going to movies, etc, so my son was exposed to my friends, and family, and the same thing with his dad, he went fishing in the mountains, and my x had great parents and brothers and sisters,

If your x is a dangerous man, or puts your childs safety at risk then i can understand your depression,,
if he is not bad for your child, than you must realize this is not about a house, or a car, it is about a little child, who you "BOTH " created,
I know that children need strong family ties, and they need love and a relationship with both parents,
you can not be a father, never, it wont happen, as your x can't be a mother, and you are creating the impression that your "possesion " HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY,, THIS CHILD IS NOT YOUR POSSESION.. NOR YOUR HUSBANDS,(X).. the child is a part of you both and deserves to know and grow up with both families, and get a balanced supervision..

ii know you are sad, but i must be honest, with all my heart, you are acting unstable, and this is not good for your child, or you or anyone concerned,,

I am sure the custody is for the same reason you love lyour child,
they meaning your x, has a right to be in the life of the baby,and the baby has a right to be loved, and nurtured and have a balance.

WHEN TWO PEOPLE WHO MADE CHILDREN TOGETHER SPLIT UP.. THEY SHOULD CONSIDER WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILD, NOT THEMSELVES, AND IF YOU ARE HAVING THE CHILD BE A WEAPON TO PUNISH GET EVEN, OR DO ANYTHING THAT PREVENTS THE BABY FROM KNOWING THE OTHER P ARENT,, THAN THE CHILD WILL SUFFER, AND THAT IS NOT A WAY TO EXPRESS PARENTHOOD, THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN NOT UNDO,

if you are getting sick, and cant sleep and building up a case, of a mothers agony, it may backfire and you may really create the illusion of an unstable parent and be considered to be a harm to your child,

I really think you should accept that that baby is a part of both of you, and stopo crying, and acting like a crime has been commited against you.. it wasn't done to YOU AS YOU ARE ACTING, IT WAS DONE FOR THE BABY, AND FOR THE OTHER PARENT,

If your friends and family tell you that you are acting ok,, then you are leaving something out of the picture,

you are the parent, and the baby is the baby, your baby cant fix you, and if you need the baby to be emotionally stable, and not with anyone but you,, i hope you get more help and take a good look at this picture,

When she becomes of school age, and why would they take her away from you.. if you are a good parent, and the child is adjusted, and should be by then that won't happen
besides, you can not worry about the what if's
soo many things can happen in life, there are no guarantees,
thinking about something that is about three years away, that might happen, oh my god, if you are looking for a reason to be frightened, you are headed for a lifetime of fear,

try praying, and get more counseling, and i think you should not spend any more time crying about a courts decision,and get yourself together, and decide what kind of a parent you are and want to be, HYSTERICAL, NEEDY, UNBALANCED, DEPRESSED, PARANOID, ANGREY, THINKING ONLY OF HOW BAD YOU FEEL WHEN SHE IS NOT THERE??
or decide you will be the best mother possible, and do everything humanly possible to show your baby this, and to create trust with your x, so he won't question your ability as a mother,,,
i do hope you get well soon, or you, and only YOU ARE GOING TO DESTROY ANY CHANCE OF HAPPINESS AND THE EXPERIENCE OF MOTHERHOOD, which time goes so fast,, and i hope you hold every moment precious with your baby, and not with her time should lbe doing thiings for yourself, and to insure your own confidence in your parenting skills,,

good luck

Answer 2

I feel for you, it sounds like you are in a lot of pain over this situation. Let me tell you this though- it will be very hard when she is a baby like that because all they want at that age is their Mommy. However, as she gets older she will be more interested in friends and activities than with going away on the weekends, and soon it will benefit her more to stay closer to home on the weekends to be near all her activities and friends. This is when the power shifts and hopefully her Dad will be understanding about it and let her go where she wants. You will find you need a break from constant child-rearing, and once the shock of having to share visitations wears off, I promise you someday you will look forward to your "alone days". After all, Moms need a day off too once in awhile. Try to be happy for her that she has an involved Dad, so many kids do not, and please try to remember it's not about taking her away but instead enriching her life by giving her hopefully what will be the best of both parents. Use your time to recharge your batteries, caring for kids as a single mom is very draining! Treat yourself better, go to the movies alone, take a long nap, and remember that YOU are her "home", she is only visiting her dad! Good luck, keep your head up, time will make things better for you both.

Answer 3

I am sure it hurts to have your daughter taken away from you time to time. But you have to stop whining and crying over this situation. She is lucky to have to sides of the family that love her and want to spend time with her. It hard to see now, but she does need both parents. It doesn't matter how great of a mom you might be, the court just sees that she needs to spend time with her father too. Why didnt you get the every other weekend, like most separated parents do? I have to share my son with his father too, he is 14 now. It does hurt to see him leave too. But I see it as him being lucky having such a big family that want to spend time with him. I have been doing this since he was 5. It'll get better as she gets older. Take a deep breath and remember that you still have another child to care for when your daughter is gone. Dont make him feel not wanted or loved, just because you are missing his sister.

Answer 4

Oh, dear. My 3 year old boy is at his dad's house three nights per week. Try to remember that she has the right to grow up with her father in her life and that a male love at this age is REALLY important for her future self esteem. Make sure you can call her briefly every night if you want to. If everything is normal you will probably always have her half of her life. It is the price you may pay when you trust someone enough to have a child with them. He is her parent too.

Keep going to counselling, and remember that things will get better as she gets older. Many children grow up in two homes. There are advantages and disadvantages to every kind of lifestyle. At least she has two loving parents even if they aren't living in the same house.

Answer 5

Did you ever think her Dad is being taken out of her life half the time also, you should not make it hard on the child and make her think she shouldn't go, I don't know why you and her Dad can't be together but I do know a child needs both parents, do you have a Dad? if you and her Dad make her feel bad about being with the other she will always have problems,why do you think she should only be with you? why do you think you will get sick soon, never heard of such a thing, what do you think you are putting that poor child through acting like this, if you are smart (this goes for him also) you will make her feel good about being with the other. why do you think God gave us a Mom and a Dad?
Grow up so your child will have a chance to grow up normal.
as for fun, your child is the one that needs to have fun. put your childs feelings first, if you carry on like this it will ruin her life.

Answer 6

Move closer. Get a new attorney and a decent judge. Splitting kids up 50/50 is really hard on the kids...really hard. Get some facts about that on the internet...the stats are all over about that especially from the childrens very early ages!! In school, their performance and sleep habits...ohh...I do hope you get someone who will counsel you on this from the courthouse. Im real surprised the 50/50 thing was granted.

Answer 7

So why do you think you should have the little girl all the time? She is a part of you both. And you whining and pining about it isn't going to help you, her or her brother. You must learn to do what is best for you and your family. Is getting sick over this helping? No. I am not trying to be cruel, but you know good and well that you must be strong for your family.

Answer 8

If he is a good father and you know that she will be safe and love. Its part of being divorce. You never stop hurting if you did you would not be a mother. Just grin an bare it, it's now part of her life to go back and forth. but when school starts she will be at your side and maybe with father over the weekends. Also who has physical custody of her. at this time it's joint custody but when school starts get physical custody.

Answer 9

Divorce is not about you or him. Each of you should be thnking about your child. Remember that every minute she is with you he is the one missing her. Children benefit from having both parents in their lives. Being a parent is about giving. Add it all up and you should be glad your daughter has her father involved in her life.

Answer 10

Well there's not much you can do. No offence at all meant, although you're going to have to grow some back bone, as what'll happen when your girl learns to stand on her own two feet?

Speak to your doctor because all this could develop into panic attacks etc.