1child is dark and the other very fair how do you motivate the child with the dark complexion?age9 yrs?

Question

between children when comparisons are made the eldest child gets very upset and tends to be lonesome and very quiet. All efforts are made to make the child happy , but the pain is evident in the eyes. Please help.

Answer 1

I'm sorry- what is your question? I think you need to rephrase this and indicate why the color of the children's skin as any position in the matter.

Answer 2

I agree the skin should not be a factor.Why do you compare them to each other? That is wrong. It may be ok for you to compare them in your mind, but never voice it.
We are not born the same we all have our own personalities.
My parents did this when I was growing up and it was hurtful. If a parent ask, why aren't you more like your brother or sister, you feel as though you are a disappointment to them.
Point the finger at yourself...don't try to make your children be exactly the same, except when concerning manners, moral values,and responsiblities. Learn to except each child for who they are. I am sure they take after you or their father or even a grandparent. Children llike adults go through different stages.
The child feels lonesome and quiet because she or he feels unloved, and out of place.

Answer 3

It is quite possible for the darker child to get upset. But if u look at it , people with dark complexion have always excelled in everything whether it is music, fashion or sports..Try talking great about those achievers without telling they are dark complexioned and the child will realise that he/she is at an advantage being dark complexioned.

Answer 4

I come from an interracial family and there has never been any problems like you are describing. Why are you or other family/friends making your child feel bad about himself? If you would tell your child that he is loved and wonderful and that he is just the same as siblings than there wouldn't be an issue. You should stop playing favorites and give both children the love they will need to survive in this world.

Answer 5

Does the fairer child defend the other child? I think that the darker child might need some counseling...and to constantly be reassured that they are perfect the way they are. I don't have the same exact situation, but I have a child ,11, who takes medication, and she feels the same way about her peers, etc. She feels different. We point out the differences in other people to show that we are all different. I have raised them to believe that we are all equal..and neither race, nor color, etc...should matter. As the comedian, Mike Warnke, use to say..."we are all just different shades of tan and God didn't take a cookie cutter out to make us all the same..." Keep encouraging your child's positive traits and talents...Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 6

This is the strangest thing I have ever heard of. Is this child exposed to prejudice at home?

I come from a family that is ethnically all mixed up, but we are not mixed up as people. I am the youngest and lightest, but my second brother, who was the darkest of all of us, was always my best friend.

All sorts of nasty things happen outside and some of it hurts a lot, but home needs to be a safe haven where such nonsense as colour doesn't matter.

Please get this child some help before s/he gets really depressed and in the meantime, love them both. That's why God gave them to you.

Best wishes to the family.

Answer 7

No comparisons should be made between the 2 children when they are present.

To motivate the dark child:

1) Should always highlight the great milestones achieved by
Dark colored persons in Education, Litrature, Science
and Technology, Noble Laurates, Presidents of various
Countries, Freedom Fighters, Sportsmen- in the field of
Football, Soccer, Boxing, Sprints, Basketball, Golf, Music etc.

2) You should also highlight such famous persons from other
countries.

3) You should buy them books of such heros as birthday gifts.

4) You should tell them that they posses powerful genes like
all the persons, mentioned above

5) Such details be told to them, seperately in a story telling
style, and not in front of the other child.

6) Both the children are to be loved seperately on occassions
when you talk of dark and white

7) Both the parents should shower so much love to both of them
that they get the feel that you love both of the most.

8) Confide with them seperately and ensure proper distribution
of gifts to them. No favouritism please. If you do, and get
exposed, then it will shatter their confidence.

9) Do not allow friends to talk about comparisions of the children
at home. Discourage it by all means.

10) Each one has to feel that they are important for the family.

11) Dedicate work to them seperately, with a balanced view
(No favouritism please)

12) Arrange seperate field of Extracurricular activities for them,
so that there are no feel of competition at home. Like: music,
games like: football, badminton, horse riding, skating, swimming, tennis, etc. Ask them seperately about their choice, seperately and then finally tell them that what both of them wanted to do.

Answer 8

I don't mean to sound snide, but what does the child's skin color have to do with their motivation? Are you treating the children differently? Are others?

As a parent, you need to find each child's strength and focus on that. If one is more beautiful (even just in your eyes), find something else that the other child is better at and help him/her make the best of that.

Answer 9

whats wrong with a dark complexion? dark complexions are so beautiful! as far as being lonesome and quiet, this kid needs someone to talk to. They obviously feel self-consious (sp?) or something

Answer 10

I don't really understand what you are asking, is it how to make A darker child feel better about himself I hope not because that means someone has made him feel that being darker is wrong and makes him unhappy.