I dont love my husband what should I do?

Question

I married my husband 4 years ago because we just had a son. Pretty much it was pressure from my family that made us get married. I stalled the wedding for 2 hours because I knew I did not love him, and really didnt want to get married to him. I couldnt tell him because my family talked me into going through the marriage, promissing it was just wedding jitters.

It has been 4 years now, things have gotten pretty bad. We argue all the time, he doesnt say he loves me ever. We never celebrate our aniversarys, and the holidays are hell getting him to go with me to my family get togeathers.

The reason I do not leave is I want to wait until my children are older, and they can understand. But its gotten to the point that i'm ready to move on with my life. I know that I do not love him ,and never did. We are not compatible at all, and frankly hes a asshole, and i'm fedup with all of it.

what should I do?

Answer 1

My mom always told me that its better to get divorced while you're still young and beautiful so you have better chances of finding someone else--versus waiting until the kids grow up, and you're much older and close to menopausal age. Plus, your kids will be more accepting when they're younger if you re-marry, but they can be very bitter and angry if they are teens when you divorce...My parents divorced when I was 7, and it was a good thing. I was tired of them fighting..Today, both my parents have active roles in my life--I'm 30.

If you divorce him, Just know that you will be connected to him for the rest of your life--so try your best to become Friends with him. YOU MUST BECOME HIS FRIEND NOW. You will need his help if you ever have serious problems with your children, or if they get severely sick. He will always be their father- and you must respect him for that. Leave on GOOD terms. Have a long talk with him about why you thinks its best if you Both move on--and let him know that you APPRECIATE the god things he has done. Talk about the best way to raise the chidren.

These are things you must consider: Realize that he and you will date & marry other people, so try to accept his new girlfriends, and vice versa. It Will happen--so get over it...Work out equal scehedules for visiting the children. If you will keep custody--let him have the children for the entire summers for 3 months (thats whay my parents did)..Rotate the holidays--let him have 1 Christmas and you have the other--for example, let him, have thanskgiving, but you have them for Christmas that year--and switch it up the nexy year. That is a REALITY so get over it...Let him do things for their birthdays..Basically, dont try to Hog the children! Be glad that if he is willing to give a Break from being mommy 24-7.

Discuss Child Support--thats touchy..Work out a fair amount, or you can agree on who pays what--for example, let him take them school shopping, and pay for dental fees, etc. That all balances out lighter child support payments--and get it all in writing. If you cant work it out--it will go to Court.

Never talk bad about him to your kids--Never. Even if he calls you up and yells at you--Dont Talk Bad about him.That will lower your kids self-esteem and cause anger in them, and they will have problems in school and stuff (I'm a Teacher)..

Your kids will be FINE..Just let them know that you both LOVE THEM WITH ALL YOUR HEARTS and that yo 2 will Work Together to be there for them, that its not their fault..They will be fine. Some of the most sucessful people grew up from single parents or divorces: Oprah Winfrey, Bill Clinton, and many others.

Good Luck, Pray, and do what makes you Happy and Gives you Peace.

Peace

Answer 2

Children will never understand no matter what their age. 2 or 20. That is just an excuse. You were wrong to get married and now many lives are going to be hurt.
You don't say if he wants a divorce? You don't celebrate anything because there is nothing to celebrate.
Get ahold of yourself, did you try to make this marriage work? Or have you done everything to make it miserable? Please be rational and think about your life your husbands and the kids. Do you know what love really is??

Answer 3

Leave. Believe me when I say that it is hard on the child/children when all the parents do is argue. You can both raise your children the right way, even if you are apart. You have got to be happy where you are before your children will be happy. If you do not love him, let him and yourself find true love. If you want to do anything for your children, let them be happy. Don't make the kids suffer because you want them to have parents that are married to each other. They suffer more every time they hear the two of your fighting, no matter what age they are, it effects them emotionally.

Answer 4

Do what you think is right for you and the your kid don't let anything come above that. You must stay strong for your children and for your self. if you don't love him then end it. don't let your life drag on to no point. Yes it is going to hurt but do it not because you have to but because you need to. I am also sure your children will understand at the right age. just make sure your children don't make the same mistakes as that is what being a parent is all about, making sure that your children do not make the same mistakes as you did so that they may live a better life then you possibly could. E-mail me if you found this helpfull maybe i could help a little more. [e-mail]

Answer 5

i might want to take a at the same time as faraway from my husband if i became you and an ex is an ex for a reason... did he split with you or did you split with him? per chance he's popular with the way you're and that you by no skill were given over him and he's taking earnings of that... you're my age or maybe even with the undeniable fact that i love my bf dearly i'd not marry that youthful, i have been with him because that i became 15 and now i'm 20 and we not often discuss marriage and children because we do not intend to make promises that we won't be able to save, we basically want to have exciting and if we get married we do and if no longer then it became sturdy at the same time as it lasted ya comprehend. i desire absolutely everyone might want to sense an same way because it is going to damage a lot less if it did not workout habitual. some females and adult adult males get so coronary heart damaged and it sucks because try to be at liberty that it exceeded off and improve and learn from the previous. i might want to take a spoil and imagine about each little thing and attempt to guage, even per chance see a counselor to make certain in the journey that they have got any suggestion

Answer 6

Typical woman -- you screw him, you bring an innocent child into the picture, now you hate him and you are asking permission to leave him. YOU are the irresponsible @ss here, sister. Go to a good marriage counselor, (go alone if he refuses to go without you), try to find a workable life together without fighting or misery until your children are much older if at all practical or possible. Tell him this, don't make him guess or read your mind. If he loves the children also he may be willing to work with you instead of against. Years will roll by quickly enough and you both can split and be just as stupid, miserable and foolish as you want.
Poor kids.
PS -- STOP REPRODUCING

Answer 7

4 years is long enough to put up with that crap. Dump the jerk and move on while you are still young enough to enjoy the company of someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Your children will benefit more from seeing their mom treated well than by witnessing the harsh reality of a loveless marriage- not a very good example to set for your kids if you stay with a man that doesn't treat you with love and respect. You will actually be doing your kids a diservice to have them be part of a dysfunctional marriage, your lack of caring and comittment will not teach them the right way to treat a partner later in life.

Answer 8

You both need to go to counseling. That is the first step. I know that you say you don't love him and never have but you did make the choice to first have sex with him, second have a child with him, and third marry him. So I am sure there is love there, you just need to work a little harder then the average bear to wake up. I know that you say that you were forced by your family but the choice was yours ultimatly so first off, stop blaming them.. That is going to get you no where...

Try picking up a bible, reading it with your husband (especially when things get heated) and let the Lord counsel you both. He has great wisdom and will help you through rough times (and good times too!!)

Answer 9

If you are sure about the way you feel (and it sounds like you are) it is worse for your child to stay in an unhappy marriage than to end it now. Try for your child's sake to do so amicably but get out now. Your son knows (even if not on a conscious level) that you guys aren't happy and that isn't healthy for him. Wishing you the best.

Answer 10

You married for all the wrong reasons, as so many young people do today. Your only avenue is to get out and face the world on your own. You have a child; this will certainly make your life much more difficult but then, if you hadn't been messin' the sheets with him before you got married, you wouldn't have this problem, right? As Dr. Laura asks: "Was the orgasm worth it?"