Answer this one about affairs?

Question

ok I posted a couple questions about an affair my wife had Most of the responses were from women who have forgiven
thier spouse about it. But the male responses were pretty much I'm a wussy for forgiving her and that I'm not a man myself. This seems to be a rare instance then that wives cheat and also that most men toss the (whore to the curb) thier words not mine. Seems to me that men in general then are well ****** in the head to toss away a great woman because she made a mistake She's the mother of my children My friend ,lover, companion. and most of all can stand to be with me 24 hours a day. her choice not mine. If this is the mind set of most men no wonder that the divorce rate is so high you guys are freakin pathetic. no Heart or soul . I see its ok for her to forgive you if you made that mistake but why you can't forgive her. Please explain why ?

the details were simple we moved to another part of the country she had no freinds no family no one to talk to. at tha t time i was more interested in my job loved it put everything into it.She got to watch the children she got to thake them here and there she got to well be a slave. I got to come home from work sit opnmy *** and tell her about my day didn't care about her's. This was a few years ago we were married for about 6 years we are now married for 14 I just found out about it 6-7 moths ago we have talked about it and we both have grow up alot in the years since were having a heart to heart about sex love relationships. She told me about it, i didn't blow a gasket I know her and her past quite well.She needs to feel wanted and at that time i wasn't there for her.I knew the person she slept with. Some one i new to be a dog,but she didn't he said the right things made the right moves and got what he wanted . she was looking for someone to talk to and well she chose the wrong

person to speak to. She was out for a pity party A oh poor me and got more for the bargin.She said it was only once and I believe her.call me what you will but she didn't need to tell me she didn't have to tell me she could have kept it all to herself but as i have said we have grow alot together been though alot of stuff. I have never cheated on her but not to say i haven't thought about it no i'm not the greatest person in the world either. Yes thier are people that will come up with many reasons to cheat but it takes 2 to make a marriage work and 2 to **** it up as well

Answer 1

You are a better man than most! Like you said, men want to be forgiven when we cheat but can't forgive when it is the other way around. I am happy that you and your wife are still together!

Answer 2

You are absolutely the most wonderful man I've ever seen. Any man who can love his wife that much, and forgive her and keep trying to keep the marriage together already says alot. No one knows the history, the pain, the love, or the future except the two who are in it. Don't EVER let anyone tell you how to live your life, especially your married life because for one, no one knows your wife better than you. You have lived with her, had children with her, you've loved her. If she had an affair, that can't even compete with what you have already given her. Many men and women might have stayed together if one of the partners could have swallowed thier pride and tried to understand that the marriage was in trouble. Rather than giving up on it, it would have been better to work on it. If you really love that person I mean. For those who say they will just do it again don't know what they are talking about. Maybe they will, or maybe they won't, but if they don't, then you did the right thing by fighting for it. IF they do it again, then it was their loss because they lost an incredible man. Only you know what feels right. If you want to make it work, then you do it. Any man can walk out on his wife, but it takes a real man to forgive his wife for sleeping with another man. A man who can put his hurt aside long enough to declare his love and change its direction gets an A in my book. BTW, trust is going to take time but you just hang in there.

Answer 3

This is one i can answer from experience. 5 years into an 11 year marriage my wife cheated on me and i forgave her. Mostly for all the reasons u stated "mother of my children My friend ,lover, companion. and most of all can stand to be with me ". I forgave her. 6 years and one more child later she met a guy on line, went to the local court and filed a protection order against me to have me removed from my own house and moved her new guy in within a week. Now it is 1 year after the divorce and I'm still meeting people that slept w my ex wife. You may not have the same kind of woman as i did but then again u may. I say forgive her but be wary as this may be the only time u know of , not the only time.

Answer 4

I'm a woman who'd like to answer that intelligently without offending anyone. If you look/read the responses from most of the men regarding sexual relations...it's on a man's mind more and more so an act of necessity or hormonal if you will. I believe most women know that. Given that, women are more apt to forgive their spouses and try to keep the family/marriage intact. While women are more emotional in their sexual desires...A women who has an affair is most likely lacking something emotional at home...not necessarily from her spouse, but could come from some past insecurities. A good thing to keep in mind is that while a cheating husband can go out and get another woman pregnant...a wife cheating getting pregnant is a whole 'nother deal!

Just seems common sense (never cheated on a spouse but forgave one)

Answer 5

My husband has had a couple of affairs. I have forgiven him. I used to think it was me, but after many years I realize that it was his own searching for a happiness that was lacking in his life.
I love him dearly and he loves me dearly. It was not for sex, just the fact that someone needed him. I have always been self reliant. He worked all of the time so I made do without him, I knew he was tired so I tried to make it better for him.
Now I know where the shortfall was and now we work on it together.
Forgiveness is a gift of love and bless you. We all make mistakes. Do more talking and don't harp on the past.
Lots of luck to you both!!

Answer 6

I think what men say and what men actually do half the time are two completely different things. Most men feel the need to protect some macho image and most of these men, if you havent noticed...are single. It is why they have time to sit on here and give advice they probably wouldn't even follow if they were in the same situation. Don't let it get to you. You do what you need to do and turned a blind eye to anyone who is trying to talk you out of it.

Answer 7

I can't say I have never had that problem with my wife. I am sure if it ever does I am with you. My wife means so much to me but like you said that we all make mistakes and should be forgiven. Trust me you are more man than they will ever be. It is easy to end something but it takes a very special person to stay and try to work things out.

Answer 8

Don't worry about what a bunch of strangers would do if they were in your shoes. You did what was in your heart. You forgave her. You said she is the mother of your children, your friend, lover and companion, etc.-------that is what love is all about. You are not a "wussy." You are a good and decent person. I hope that your wife knows that and doesn't make you regret your decision.
God Bless

Answer 9

We live in a 'double standard of sexuality' type of society. As a society we have come to accept several types of behaviors and have classified a few of them as "norms." As children, boys are raised to be more agressive and independent. Women on the other hand were nurtured to be shy and dependent. So when these boys get older, society has come to accept male infidelity as the norm since we have molded them to be 'sexually agressive'--we have a mindset of: "boys will be boys" and "Alright! He nailed so many women! What a man!" So that is why males receive positive social sanctions for being cheaters. Since women are expected to be the dependent and 'sexually passive'--we have a mindset of: "she's a hoe for sleeping with more that one man in her life" society has expected women to be reliant on one man alone (either her father or her husband) and if she is unfaithful that is why she receives so much negative social sanctions. It is an unfair world--but like they say: life is not fair.

Answer 10

Is a good man to understand what went wrong and to admit that she had time on her hands and chose the wrong thing ...but fessed up to it and you love her enough to forgive her and move on...Don't pay attention to all the negativity in the answers on here...They wouldn't know what to do with forgiveness if it bit them in the a$$..Good for you your wife is a lucky woman