Help with social situations...?

Question

I really have trouble meeting new people and making friends. I am easy to get along with, but I can't go up to people and start talking to them. If others come up to talk to me, I have no idea what to say. This is a problem: I don't know what to talk about. Even with my good friends I go through periods of silence during conversations because I can't find things to talk about. People have told me to read current events or be observant of my environment in order to go up to people and have conversations. However, I've never heard of just going up to some person and talking about politics or some other news item. Nobody talks about that stuff all the time anyway. It'd get boring. What to say after we exhaust the news stories?
If I'm in a situation in which I find something I can relate to, lets say the other person is wearing a shirt of a band I like, I can remark about the band but then the conversation dies. How can I stop this from happening? I'm 18 and going to college soon. Help me

Answer 1

I wouldn't suggest trying to read up on things you're not familiar with just for conversation. The conversation won't be comfortable and neither the other person nor you would enjoy it. Talk about things that you like, things that you know about, etc.

When you mentioned shirts with bands, I'm assuming you're pretty young, possibly a teen. And, this is a difficult time in life for this type of problem.

Spend some time thinking of details or questions surrounding different subjects. The more you talk, the more the other person will talk, too. So, it won't be all up to you. The other person will "help" you out.

If you see someone wearing a shirt of a band that you like, comment on that. Tell them you like that band, too. Ask them if they've ever seen that band in concert? If they say yes, ask them if they liked it or if it was a good concert. Ask who them who they went with. Maybe ask who else they've seen in concert. Which concert was their best.

If they've never seen the band in concert, ask them how they got the shirt? If they say they bought it, ask them, "Oh yeah? Where at? I'd like to get one, too." Then, if they mention a store, say something like, "Oh, I like/don't like that store because...." They'll likely tell you their opinion.

If they mention having gone with someone that both of you know, Pat for example, make a comment like "Oh, Pat's cool. I bet you two had an awesome time."

If they tell you they've never been to any concert, ask them who they'd most like to see if they could go to a concert. Then when you're talking about favorites, ask them what their favorite movie or actress is. Then say something like, "Oh, I like that actor, too. He was great in the movie named ________. What was your favorite movie he played in?"

Everything doesn't have to be a question. Throw in some comments, like "I haven't been to a movie in a month now!" They may say something like "I don't miss a week without going to a movie." Then maybe say something like "It's too pricey for me to go that often, especially if I get something from the snack bar." Or "I'd rather go bowling once in awhile rather than always go to a movie."

Hopefully you get the idea. Let one sentence, comment or question be a springboard for the next thing. But, whatever you do, make it real and personable. Don't be someone you're not and don't read up on topics just for the sake of gabbing. Noone will enjoy that.

Answer 2

It goes like this, Hey, you have a whatever t-shirt on, are you a fan? Been to a concert, like this song? Hear about the lead singer's latest trouble? Do you also like this other band?
College is the same thing: hey, saw you in my class what do you think of the professor? How are you doing, good grades? Wish that guy I sit next to would shut up, I can't hear the professor.
Trick is to pick a subject that the other person is familiar with, and that you can elaborate on.
At a party, comment on the food, the drink, ask how the other person knows the host, find someone else you both know, what classes do you take, are you from here, where are you from.
and yes, conversation will lag, when it does, time to eat and drink. Excuse yourself, and move on. Or take them with you, and introduce them around. Hey Fred, this is Cathy, we just met, she is from New York, too.
Some people are grateful to just have someone to stand with, and are comfortable with conversation lags. Make an occasional comment, like, that's a pretty dress the hostess has on, or I know him, that's my friend Fred, maybe I can introduce you later.
Good luck, the more you talk, the more you will feel comfortable doing so. And get a book, and learn how to talk to faculty and professors in a social situation. And there are books out there to help, check your local library. The Art of Conversation is one.

Answer 3

Well start talking to people about music or bands that you love..try to come up with stuff you like and ask other what they like too.. I have the same problem as you. Like ask about music when ur in a cd store not like when ur shopping for shoes or something.
Ahh to stop the conversation from dying change the subject .. ask what there favorite tv show or movie is or famouse actor.. something that everyone would answer...not something personal where they feel uncomfortable..
sorta safe questions ..
If you need help in this you can contact me I would love too talk too u and try to help you in this area ..i'm always looknig for new friends on here.

Answer 4

Trust me, you're definitely not alone on this issue. One thing that helps me is to try to take the focus off of me and ask the person I'm talking to about themselves. Like that example you used with seeing a person wearing a T-shirt of your favorite band. You could ask if they've ever been to that band's concert and what the experience was like to get the conversation rolling. Ask questions to see if you can find something in common with the other person, like what their hobbies are, what their favorite music/band is, what movies have they seen recently or like, etc.

And if the conversation dies and there's nothing left to say, just say, hey, it was nice talking to you and move on. And don't worry about long silences with friends. If you don't feel like talking or don't have anything to say, so what? You'll say something when you feel like it, right? Trust me, I have had people tell me I'm too quiet and I'm like, "and you're point is?" Hope this helps!

Answer 5

Well this i have never had a problem with. Life is so wonderful there are so many things to talk about. When your friend talks to you about something add something and be interested in what they are saying and it will come naturally. I have gone up to strangers and started talking and sometimes you can meet the nicest friendliest people and you are missing something by not doing this. You have to go and be up front with people compliment them and then start talking maybe about your studies and stuff you have to try and be open and they will be with you and in time you will have friends. it works smile and that helps and starts things also.

Answer 6

Find a group that is REALLY into a hobby or interest you have. Join the group. Then, you'll spend all your time talking about that one subject, but you will get good at talking. Bad example, but if you were into making model trains, you could join a group that is specific for model train folks. You might only talk about that subject when you are together at the meetings, but you'd get used to talking in the group, and gain confidence speaking up and sharing your opinion. Then, you can branch out from there.

Answer 7

One thing I've learned in life. It's not just you... Why don't they break the ice? Why don't they say something? Maybe for them the silnce is comfortable or they ask the same thing as you.

I used to be the same way. I'd freeze. Small talk seemed so stupid. I threw myself into uncomfortable converstaions and one day I realized. I wasn't like that anymore. The odd time I am, I let them break the silence. After all, I it takes two to converse.!

Answer 8

Hello there, I know the feeling very well. I know that for my self its called "social phobia". Maybe you could go to the mental health clinic and ask them what they think. I'm not trying to say anybody is crazy at all, but if it is a social problem, you could get a lot of help through counseling and possibly some "gentle" medication. I also think its a good idea to pursue your friendships through your interests, not just what the governer is doing, ok? take care and good luck, I wish you well....

Answer 9

Nobody has to be happy with the way you are except you. You don't have to perform for people, just be yourself. You run the risk of looking like you're trying too hard if you start coming out with random stuff and that will really turn people off.

Answer 10

Go to your local library and read up on books concerning self assurance and having confidence. The librarian will help you.