I was talking to another girl besides my wife and she caught me after I lied to her face about it. We are trying to work things out. My wife now wants me to watch our kids several nights a week so that she can go to the club with our sister-in-law and another friend. Should I watch the kids and what is the best way to win her trust back?
2006-08-19 17:16:14 · 16 answers · asked by playenball 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like to me that she's trying to get back at you by making you jealous now! You were wrong to lie to her about what you did (Don't do that anymore!!), but she shouldn't be going out "several nights a week". Doesn't she have responsibilities at home? If she wants time for herself, sure, she can have it, just not so much or so often.
Something doesn't smell right to me about this. She doesn't trust you, but she's going out with the sister-in-law and another friend. I don't mean to make you suspicious of her, but I am suspicious of her actions.
Anyway, in order to win her trust back, you become as transparent as possible. When you say you're going somewhere, go to that place. Have your cell phone on at all times, so she can call you. ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH!! No matter what. If she asks you a question about where you've been, tell her the truth about it, until......
When I say until, I mean until she trusts you again. How long will that be? I don't know. I speak from experience. My husband and I were in the same situation a few years ago, and I work hard to gain his trust back, until....... I am completely transparent, and I make sure he can't catch me in a lie by doing what I said I would do and going where I say I'm going. It's gets easier the longer you do it, and it makes you feel good when you look at her face and she sees that you were telling the truth.
2006-08-19 18:05:23 · answer #1 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-07 20:12:18 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's going to take time and prayer. But, two wrongs don't make a right. With your actions being untrustworthy, and now hers being the same, the two of you are headed for a relationship disaster. She may feel vindicated in her actions, but they're no less than what you done.
Ask her to go out together with you and get a sitter. But, don't go to a club that will entice this familiar behavior. Take her on dates. Dinner, movies, etc. Court her again. Spend time with her and help her rekindle those feelings that she loved the day she married you.
Find a church and go as a family. Pray together, with her and as a family. Do family activities together (games, parks, etc). Let her know, with absolutely no reason for doubt, that there's nothing in this world that means any more than her and the children that you had together. And that nothing is more important than making your marriage and family survive and flourish (not just miserably exist for the rest of your lives).
Do things for her that will take stress off of her daily life. Pick up the milk on the way home. Give the kids a bath or help them with homework. Do the dishes after dinner. Cook dinner. Work diligently beside her on house-cleaning day. Run her a bubble bath, light candles and turn on her favorite relaxing music, then let her enjoy it alone.
These are all great ways that a woman "hears" "I Love You." Be relentless in making it work, but not evasive in allowing the relationship to crumble. Mostly, you'll need to talk. And she may have things to say and "vent" that may hit you hard, but actively listen (no TV, distractions, etc).
If you crossed a line and had inappropriate behavior and actions, then you'll have to endure some of these things. That's just the consequences.
Want to keep it good after the relationship is healed? Keep up the same things. Just because your relationship improves, don't stop helping her out. Don't stop having dates. Don't stop talking and listening. And don't stop church and praying.
2006-08-19 18:22:58 · answer #3 · answered by Proverbs31Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh hold on a second! There is a huge difference between talking to another women and crossing a line. She may not trust you, but that doesn't give her the right to abuse her power and punish you. Only time can heal trust issues. How in the world is a club and having a few cocktails going to rebuild trust? Sounds to me like she is more out for revenge and proving a point. And I hate to say this, but it's working. You are on here wondering what to do. Get a sitter and meet her out at the club! If you catch her talking to a guy, let her squirm her way out of it and consider yourself even. Then bury the hatchet and learn from your mistakes.
2006-08-19 17:39:18 · answer #4 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I would like to say, "why do men have to be liars?" Anyway, If you really love your wife--and you are still in love with her, then tell her so. Write her a sincere letter of apology for talking to another girl and let her know that it was a mistake. Being sorry means you'll never do it again so express that as well. You will also need to constantly tell her how much she means to you and why you are in love with her. Little things matter the most: make a dedication to her on KOST 103.5 and go to their website to write your letter so it can be aired on the radio--pick a special song too....also, give her flowers, candy, a mixed CD, etc, basically do what you did to win her heart when you first met her. But don't play any games, please. If you don't wanna be with her anymore and if you think you are going to cheat on her in the long run--please, if you love her enough let her go. Don't put her through anymore pain just because you want your cake and to eat it too. She deserves to be with someone who will love her and adore her 100%--in EVERY way...mind...body...and soul.
As far as watching the kids...yes, you need to watch them. That is your punishment for what you did to her--if you fulfill this deed, I am certain this will help in gaining her trust back.
2006-08-19 17:35:00 · answer #5 · answered by mnf4ever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If all you were doing was talking then there is more to the story than I see. My husband can talk to anyone he wants but if it goes beyond talking then their might be a reason to lie. I am also wondering why she is going to the clubs several nights a week without you anyway.... Something is missing here.
2006-08-19 17:24:27 · answer #6 · answered by 51ain'tbad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should have to stay home and watch the kids for that reason, that you lied to her, you two should work it out another way. But you really screwed you when you lied to her, I hope that taught you a lesson.
2006-08-19 17:37:29 · answer #7 · answered by lavendergrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you should watch the kids, they are your kids. You will never win her trust back. It's reality. We tend to remember everything! The trust is gone and no matter how hard she tries, she will never fully trust you again.
2006-08-19 17:38:30 · answer #8 · answered by BOOGIE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, watch the kids and be patient! The best way to try and win her back is to give her her space.
2006-08-19 17:32:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watch the kids and try to make it work.
2006-08-19 17:24:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋