This is the first time he's done this and their "fling" is now over and he wants to work things out with me. We have 2 children and I want to stay a family, but don't know if I can trust him. I need advice, this has never happened to me before.
2006-08-19 16:54:26 · 9 answers · asked by Suqui 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lots of people have an affair these days...and it also is easier to walk out. If you want to be a family you need to focus on that. The trust issue is just that trust is earned not given so he should be aware that his actions not yours have made your relationship more difficult than it needed to be and he will have to work hard at getting your trust back. BTW don't beat yourself up over what he did and always remember that counseling services are available to help.
2006-08-19 17:11:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think an affair automatically ends every relationship. I'd ask myself a few questions. How was your relationship before the affair? How do you know it's the first affair? How did you find out about it? How did he treat you when you talked about it. Was he kind, sorry and open to giving you the details you wanted. Did he lie and was caught or tell you of his own volition.
You can play it day by day. Nothing has to be decided this minute. If you find at some point that your gut churns every time he's a little late then you can decide you can't live with a man that makes you feel this way. And boom, kick him to the curb.
BTW after 10 years and 2 kids you can go ahead and call him your husband, We're not the IRS in here.
2006-08-20 00:08:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well darlin. I speak from a little of experience. No where near 10 years into a relationship. But Trust is a main factor in a relationship. Without trust .............. it isn't much of a relationship. You will wonder for a long time who he is thinking about when you are together, you will wonder if he is wishing he was else where, you will blame yourself, you will hurt for a very long time, not to mention you will be wondering where he really is if he is "working late" or out with the guys, and all of this will take a long time to get over and work through, and if your up for years of wondering, and hurting, and all that, if he is worth all of that, then go for it stick to him. some relationships are worth every single bump in the road, and rocky mountain, and drowning in a river or two. But then again, trust is a major factor in a relationship so ........ it is your call. Just know the actual cheating while it was paiful, down to the bone. Getting back to trusting is in my experiance almost just as painful.
2006-08-20 00:08:48 · answer #3 · answered by inchantedfriend 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust will be an issue for along time after this. The choice to stay a family is between you and him alone. If you can forgive and he can work harder at staying faithful then I think the family should come first. Good Luck
2006-08-20 00:02:45 · answer #4 · answered by 51ain'tbad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have serious doubts. But there is a deeper underlying issue hear that you need to address. Where is your relationship going and the expectation of each of you going forward. The fling will never be gone from your mind and your push for staying a family is not valid.
2006-08-20 00:08:00 · answer #5 · answered by EZV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hate to say this but the first time that you know of and some would say the first time wont be the last time you have to go with your heart and soul if you feel as if you can trust him and you really think this is the first and last time then forgive him and try to rebuild the trust that you once had in him of course you will never forget and to trust again will take sometime but you have to go with your gut instinct and what your heart is telling you to do good luck/ P.S. don't do it for the sake of the kids because then you will only make yourself miserable do it because you know its the right thing to do
2006-08-20 00:06:17 · answer #6 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you know this is the first time? Or is this just the first time he got caught? I think you already know your own advise.
Why did he cheat?
It's not your fault your man strayed.
You will never be able to trust him again this situation will always be in the back of your mind.
2006-08-20 00:05:37 · answer #7 · answered by Mercedes Leanne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say a boyfriend of ten years is never a good thing and now after this, I think its time for you to say goodbye.
2006-08-20 00:32:22 · answer #8 · answered by frr_ls 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow 10 years BF??? and Cheating on you and now he want to work it out? and you want to stay as a family???? you know what my wife said to me if cheating it over period don't care who I am and lose to see my 2 kids and 3rd on way in march 2007 and I believe it what she say to me . I don't understand about you.... but if you want to have him back in your life and I won't be suprise if he cheating on you again twice.... make sure he really reallly work hard to earn your trust and move out or kick him out and he will need to help you pay rent food clothes for kids. and make sure that he learn long like 1 year and if he can do that great.
For me i broken up with her when we were BF and GF and i went married someone else and knowing that 8 months of marriage not working out and it took me 5 long hard years to have her in my life.. she finally want to see me and we knew it meant for us.. and I asked her why so long? she told me I want to teach you how long it going to take for you to earn my trust... and you the only guy five years not giving up on me each year.. wow, you are truly sorry and truly meant you really love me and I am your first and last.
I learn so hard and guess what 9 years in oct 06 2 kids and 3rd on the way. and I know we have up and down and still love her she still make my heart beat so many times and love her so much and my kids. and Knowing that I never ever though about cheating on her no way. I won't be like my dad and mom what they put me though alot of hell.. so glad to change it and ever time I looked my wife and I told her thanks for the second chance and thanks for hard lesson for 5 years. It sure was worth it..
I do hope you can teach him seriouly to work your trust and make him earn it everyday. and if you don't he will do it again and knowing that you are weak to give in.
be strong and show him he need to show he is strong to protect your family.
I hope you really read this and take my word. As a male I learn biggest lesson and I am not going to lose her lifetime. I already used my second chance, and not really worry about what will happen. I know my job to be husband and father to my family smile.
So sorry for what has happen for what he done to you.
2006-08-20 00:24:31 · answer #9 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋