my wife of 6 years of marriage and 4 small kids has got a wild hair up her butt and decided she wants a divorce.i am great to her and my kids and people are always telling her that.we got married young but this is just a temparary phase she s going thru.i hate to see her end this and regret this later.she is only thinking of her self ,and not thinking of me or our kids.my kids are constantly saying they dont want me to leave and crying.she has got the wrong idea of love.the felling of being "in love" comes and goes,but the deep love is still there.does any one have any advice on this?how maybe i could win her back or convince her to go to counciling with me?
2006-08-19 15:52:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ya find out what she needs and fill those needs without losing your masculinity
2006-08-19 15:58:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if your wife has a lot of growing up to do...she, unfortunately, has no idea just how good she has it...if what you say is the story. There are always three sides to a story. IF your wife loved you once, it is still there, but she misses the feeling of head over heels..what she doesn't realize is that even if she found it, it would end up the same as it is now...settled down to a comfortalbe contentment that flares every now and then into flame. You two would benefit from a flame at this time...what did you two used to do that made the flame? Try to woo her perhaps? Can't give you the answers, but if I were in your shoes, I think I might start up the wine and dine, romantic stuff big time. Gifts never hurt either. I strongly suggest that you consider, if you should decide to separate, that she keep the kids with you seeing lots and lots of them...she will find out quickly what a chore being a one parent house will be. (I know this is underhanded, but you use the tools you're given). Good luck
2006-08-19 16:02:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to counseling by yourself and start to make some changes for the better. She might see you in a different light and start to see the man she fell in love with again. Ask her to join you in some sessions even if it's just to help you be a better man and father after the divorce. She might reconsider after she notices the changes in you. I am separated from my husband of 6 years, together 10. He was trying really hard to reconcile but I asked him to make some changes first, to show me he's serious then come talk to me -otherwise leave me alone. One of those was to go and stick with counseling. Another was to follow thru on commitments he's made to me in the past-mostly tasks nothing major but still broken promises. He wasn't done either of those things but goes around whining about how I just decided to leave him all of a sudden. He knows darn well that this was not a decision I made on a whim and knows that there is hope IF he truly wanted to change which means work. He doesn't and I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him behaving the way he does. Life is too short to be miserable (I'm going to get the Tshirt!)
2006-08-20 01:08:02 · answer #3 · answered by DeeDee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call her and leave a voice mail or note. and ask her on a date. Get a babysitter and go. Don't talk about the marriage, kids, anything negative have a good fun night out. If she brings anything up just kiss her and ignore the question and move on to holding hands, putting your arm around her look at the stars. Remind her what it's like to be in love. Don't lose your temper just be happy and go for it. Us ladies want and need attention without the kids being involved we need to have your full and complete attention to keep us full and happy. And only a man/ good man can truly bring that out. No flowers on this date. Your not kissing her butt and women really don't like to have there but kissed or be in constant control.
2006-08-19 17:46:08 · answer #4 · answered by Daz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
too late. The love you but not in love part shows that there is another party involved. she wants the greener grass. she wil always love you, but she has found something else that is filling a need that she does not want at home. Hopefully its just a phase and she wisens up before its too late. Give her some respectable space, but not enough to get crazy with it. For gods sake stop acting like a wimp. She see's your weakness(her love or lack of for you).
2006-08-19 16:09:15 · answer #5 · answered by dm23805 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tall her if she wants to leave there's the door but the kids are staying and they need a place to live and this is there house. And if she leaves file for custody of the kids.She will ether stay gone or thank about it a little more.It could be just a bluff to get more attention from you.
2006-08-23 15:56:47 · answer #6 · answered by love to play spades 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how to convince someone to do something they don't want to do. There are risks in getting married young; sounds like she thinks she's "missed out" on something by jumping straight into being a wife and a mommy. Well, she probably did - but it's up to her to find out if it's worth breaking up her marriage for. Try to bring it up with her again in a few weeks - if she still refuses to go with you, go on your own, and ask your counselor for advice.
2006-08-19 17:00:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all glad to hear that you are willing to go to a counsler next why don't you go and explain to the counsler why you are here then the next visit tell your wife you two are going out to dinner and then go to the counsler first and then to dinner or vise versa she will be mad at first that you didn't tell her that you were going to the counsler but she will get over it or she could just be needing either alone time like a vacation away from everything or just a night out with you and no kids try calling grandma to watch the kids over night and take her out on the town good luck hope these ideas work
2006-08-19 16:02:37 · answer #8 · answered by christy b 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you might feel the way you do but when someone falls out of love with you and they are not in love with you anymore there is not anything you can do to change that,not even counselling wqill help,take this as a good thing it is going to hurt you at first but you are free to move on and find your real true soal mate,just as she will,yes you have kids together but you do not want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesnt love you and or is not in love with you,
2006-08-19 16:26:19 · answer #9 · answered by treatau 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and the kids go to family counseling. Whatever happens you will have done your best to keep the family healthy. She can either join you; or the children will know that you are the stable parent.
2006-08-19 16:11:50 · answer #10 · answered by Annie R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds like she has made up her mind and feels counselling is a waste of time. I don't know if you will be able to convince her. Remember....you can bring a horse to water....but you can't make the horse drink it.
2006-08-19 17:22:42 · answer #11 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋