We've been married for almost two years and maybe trying to be sexy might spice thing up a little. I'm not looking for ways to have sex, but to be sexy.
I'm not thin - I guess I would be "thick." That's what my husband likes so changing that is not the issue (I don't think). I'm just wondering some things that I could possibly do or say that might make me seem more sexy to him. I went on a two week vacation and sence I've been home out sex life just hasn't been great. I've tried a candle lit dinner with wine, sexy massages with oil, I tried to sit outside with him and look at the stars (I thought it may have led to something more - but it didn't).
Maybe I just am NOT at all sexy to him anymore, I don't know. I caught him with porn and dirty magazines recently so maybe that's just it - I'm unattractive to him now. Any GOOD, well thought out advice would be great - thanks so much for your help.
I'm looking for some ideas and advice - not snotty and rude comments.
2006-08-19 15:43:48 · 51 answers · asked by twisteddistance 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Communication is key. Find out from him what he finds to be sexy. Over a period of time ask questions in a sexy way while your being intimate to find out what he finds sexy. Don't ask too many questions at one time. One is good :) What is sexy to one man is not sexy to another. Ask what he is feeling physically. Ask what he would like for you to do. Another thing is to not reject what he says. That doesn't mean you do what you are uncomfortable with. Once he finds your willingness to help your sexually relationship grow he may open up to you more. You can ask anyone in the world but he is your best source.
Sexy is also a state of mind. Take care of yourself. Feel good about yourself. Confidence is sexy. Make yourself pretty for him. Dress for him. Do little and big romantic things for him. Get "10,000 ways to say i love you" by Gregory J.P. Godek, I have it sitting on my computer desk right now. There are lots of good books on romance. It's the little everyday little things that can create intimacy making room for romance and a wonderful feeling of sexiness and desire for passion.
Love yourself first. Never put your body down in front of your husband, we as women point out negative things that the men in our lives will focus on. You are uniquely you. Fearfully and wonderfully made. Last thing enjoy your husband and let him enjoy you.
2006-08-19 16:38:42 · answer #1 · answered by 43andcurious 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not a silly question at all! First off, I don't think that him looking at porn is in any way a reflection of how attractive or unattractive he finds you; a lot of people simply find it fun and stimulating to look at porn sometimes. How to be sexy... I think, many guys find it sexy when their girl dresses up to go out; a cute dress, high heels and some pretty make-up is a hit with most guys. Emotional intimacy can be sexy, too; my fiancé always tells me that it's the sexiest thing to simply take a few minutes cuddling in the evening and talking before going to sleep. Dyeing my hair red is usually a big hit (my hair is normally light-brown). Best person to ask might be your husband - but I don't know if he would be able to articulate what exactly he's longing for; perhaps, he would not speak up even if there *was* an issue, in fear of hurting your feelings in some way. Maybe, finding a new hobby and doing more things as a couple would bring you closer together? Good luck!
2006-08-19 16:04:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
SHow up naked, bring beer.
Honestly. Men aren't wired for romance, it's closer to a macro that get triggered in a situation then repeated often. The oil massages, star lit sky, etc. What exactly do you want out him? Sex...I'm guesing here, but it sounds like your libido is in third gear and he's still in neutral.
I wouldn't worry about the porn, every man has a collection. He could be married to a super model and still beat off on porn. Trust me on this.
Is he having hard time at work? Extreme mental stress can be a trigger or depression can do the same thing. Either way you can do a couple of things.
- Smoke some weed with him and watch some porn.
- Have a half dozen beers each and have some animal sex
- Sit down and talk with, expect one thing though - he'll crawl into his head a little farther no matter how non-confrontational you want to be.
Let me ask something else?
Do you Ration sex? You set time periods in the week to have sex. As in, It's saturday night so it's sex night!! Oh it's Weds so it's midweek sex!!! <--- this does not turn guys on at all. In fact we will go out of our way to not have sex on those days just because our wives expect it then.
2006-08-19 15:59:07 · answer #3 · answered by SpankyTClown 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I think that it's great you're trying, a lot of women don't. I think your best approach would be to simply ask him what turns him on and then surprise him and go for it. Find out if he has a fantasy you can answer. Maybe a lap dance or strip tease, something erotic and unexpected from you. Maybe watch some porn with him and do what they do on screen. Buy some "toys" and put on a show for him to watch, no touching! Next time you're out looking at the stars, take the initiative and go for it right there. Surprise him. Meet him at the door when he comes home from work wearing nothing but a smile. You probably know what he likes, go a little crazy on him. Read books or watch videos if you need pointers for your wild side. Good luck, you sound like a great wife.
2006-08-20 02:33:03 · answer #4 · answered by Mike 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm.... Is it really you want to be more sexy, or that you are hurt that he was looking at porn?
In either case... I'd wonder why he is not acting as if he has as much of a sex drive. I'd suggest to look into if he has been a little bit more stressed at work, tired (you have a new baby from the pictures, don't you), etc... That he dosen't fell like having sex... which makes you feel less sexy...
On the one hand... You could wear something from Victoria's seceret, come out of the bathroom one night and "pounce" him... or you could just be yourself, wear a pair of PJ bottoms with a nice thong (or nothing) or a skirt that you know he likes and just go around the house rubbing on him at "oppourtune" moments...
Though, I'd really say not to worry about it... If you are concerned about the porn, talk to him about it and how it makes you feel... But I know that he didn't mean to offend you with it...I'm a guy... Trust me with that one...
Make the first move, and good luck!
2006-08-19 15:53:52 · answer #5 · answered by Rob D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That was not a silly question: You might try natures approach, a good perfume such a Lars de tempe, expensive, but really great smelling. That will take care of his sense of smell.
Do something different with your hair, don't be Mrs. never change. Buy a new hat that looks cute on you.
Check out a sexy movie, one that is a little on the explicit side. Movies made outside of the country tend to be more explicit.
Go to a health store and see what they have to recommend in the area of an aphrodisiac. You don't have to mention it to him.
Play a card game with him, such as tug of war or some such game that will require concentration
Make sure your personal feminie hygene is in perfect order. Ask him to wash your back in the bathtub, if you have one besides the shower.
If all of that fails, let me know and i will give you my address.
Good luck.
A\L in CaL AKA jarhead, mis-spelled jaread.
2006-08-19 15:57:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well for one, and I hate this: you 'catching him' with porn means nothing. First off, women have a misconception that when a man has porn, they don't find their woman attractive anymore. So not true. Firstly, it's 'something different.' You don't go to Taco Bell every day of the year, do you? Of course not. It offers kind of a...variety, while still being faithful to their wife. Hard for me to explain that, but I tried. He may still be freaked out that you caught him with porn. And guess what... That's not going to help you in the bedroom either. You're a good looking woman; it's all about attitude. Change up your clothes selection and look sexually seductive. You'll very well have his attention.
Hope it helps.
2006-08-19 17:51:36 · answer #7 · answered by jokerscard692000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it seems to be trend in marrige life, wifes dont seem sexy after 2-3years,but u shudnt just give up. try doing things together which you both enjoy,while doing something fun together he will find u sexy.Make sure u dont force ur sexiness on him. here s a example when u were young did u ever like a guy,who was just doing his thing and u just liked him for no reason. that was because u were in happy mood.make sure about his good mood.well i understand he likes u thick,but i dont think any human who wudnt like the change.and u know a true lover doesnt love his/beloved body, but the inner self of that beloved.may be if he see how hard r u working to keep u maintained,that cud turn him on.and yes!! best way to keep a healthy sex life is healthy body, i mean to say exercise for both of you.
2006-08-19 16:19:55 · answer #8 · answered by sanJose_Guy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't feel bad i thought they way hell i still think that way everynow and then my husband has a whole dresser full of dirty mag. and movies but one thing i do is next time he is looking at one look at it with him or go out and rent a dirty video with a clean name in the title and tell him that you want to watch this movie and surprise him by watching it with him as soon as he hears the noises they make he will come back into the room and it will get you both ready for anything and everything or if you are in the mood one night and you don't know if he is reach over and give him a bj he will be in the mood real fast. or you can take a picture of yourself nude and put in his truck or car when he leaves for work the next day he will see you can even put on it can't wait untill tonight. or just use lipstick and wright on his review mirror i love you or even on the bathroom mirroe if he goes to bed before you do then he will see it the first thing the next morrning good luck hope these idea's help
2006-08-19 15:55:06 · answer #9 · answered by christy b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest initiating sex with him, ie start touching him and telling him how attracted you are to him. It is very easy for both partners to think the other is not interested in them. As for the porn maybe look at some pictures with him and show that you don't take that as a threat to your relationship. Finally you can always talk to him and ask if there is anything wrong, remember communication is the basis of a great relationship
2006-08-19 15:55:19 · answer #10 · answered by panda64 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋