i asked but did i get the right answer????

Question

iasked for some advice on my relationship and people answered by telling me and my fella to go and see a councilar but we did about 6 months ago and at first it did work but now we no longer see him all the issues are back again does this mean we have nothing between us any more.
we been together 8yrs from teenagers and have 2 loverly kids, and we have been through so much, but is it the fact of that or have we grown apart????????

Answer 1

Maybe you have growen apart, it happens, its whether you wont to save your relationship, especially for the sake of your lovely kids, you have been together such a long time, and so very young. people grow and change, and get differednt ideas, seems like one partener can move on, and the other can stay the same, its hard but it happens, a fact of life, you may still love each other, but not in love with each other... hope this will help a bit... good luck.

Answer 2

Eight years is about the right time for you both to have changed. We have regrowth periods that usually happen around seven years or so.
Counselling may not be the answer as neither of you wants to work hard enough to put into practice what you learned. I doubt you've grown apart but you both have grown up.

You need to do one simple little thing and that my dear is to sit down and write out the pros and cons of this relationship and then decide if it is worth the work and trouble to salvage.
Some are, some aren't.

In your post you do not say * I still love him or that he still loves you* so I'm guessing that that is not the issue. Sometimes love just isnt enough though. Think about what you want, then get him to tell you what he wants and if it's workable go about getting it.

Relationships do not grow and exist without the people involved willing to work at them and this takes both of you.

Answer 3

I see your question but I am not sure I understand it. I wish your had restated the first question because I did not see it. However, I will try to see if I can please you.

What is your most important achievement in the last six years?
How close were you two when you started the relationship versus how close are you now?

How much time do you spend with each other just for the real thrill of it?

How much do you play with each other?

Do you take time out to treat each other ?

How about the changes that you two have faced since the last two years?

Do youtry to communicate with each or do you just talk to each other?
How about the educational advancements?

Are you two finding easier to disagree with each other an dquarrel or you try to work out an dsettle differences?

The truth is that you are the two people in your relationship and only youto can really tell the real problem that you are encountering.
The above represent the past in your relationship. Now answer me this about the future:

What are your plans together for the next two days weeks months years?
Where are you two going with this relationship?

Incidentally, how would you feel if he went away for one week?

When are you two going out for a twoday honeymoon again?
Note up to now I did not ask if you two love each other but now I would like to ask you this :How do you FEEL about your partner?

Do you still feel passionately sexually attracted to him? Do you still want to make love to him for one whole day?
Please try and answer these questions. They may help you to decide about your relationship. Remember though, in the final anlysis you are the real solution.


Let me close with a story I heard. There was once this married couple who found out they were having problems in their married life and so tjhey decided to go see a counselor. This they did foor weeks but there was no improvement or changes. Then one morning the woman said to the man: "darlin, the yard needs cuttioing badly. I would like to employ a yard boy to cut the yard". H equickly agreed and so fpond a nineteen year old boy. For days he kept coming and seeing only small parcels of the yard being cut but when he asked his wife, she commended the boy for his hard work. he was just a having things rough. With this in mind the husband continued paying the boy. Then one day he had to come home very early and went into the house without calling. What he saw surprized the daylight out of him. The boy was working very hard but not cutting the yard outside. He was surprozed to see his wife's position. well he sttod for about two minutes and finally said: "is this what you want? I will give it to you" He then paid the boy and sent him away. That was the end of seeing the counselor. Fin out thereal problem and you will have the solution.Bye

Answer 4

You can ask complete strangers a question like this but you can't discuss it with your husband any more. So what does that tell you?

"giving him a fright" rarely works, You have to do whats best for the kiddies.

People change and if the two changed people aren;'t in love, they need to move on.

I will pray for you this morning.

"Sail on, only a fool breaks their heart for what's gone"

Answer 5

Maybe you should be talking to them about it. It's up to you what happens to your relationship. Grow back together. Get a joint hobby with the kids. Like buying a boat or a vegetable garden

Answer 6

thats why it is advised to always wait till a bit older...when you start young it takes a lot to break apart and having kids seem to bond you closer but the truth remains that if the time comes and the obvious is shown...

Answer 7

You should really try to make it work, for the sake of the kids, but if it really doesn't work out, maybe you could find someone else...

Answer 8

youve done councilling, and your coming on here searching for some answer you think will help you.
well seems to me at this stage you have 2 choices, either put up with it or leave!

Answer 9

if you've grown apart and you both feel this way then maybe its time to mutually agree to move on

Answer 10

talk to each other about your feelings if it takes alnight just talk to him and then after that if is has not change then go your diff rents ways