can any divorced people with kids tell me how it affected your kids?

Answer 1

Actually it benefited mine. Their dad was a complete control freak. They have since grown past the point of their dad being able to be verbally abusive towards them anymore. They are now bigger than him and today, they have a wonderful relationship with their dad.

Answer 2

As a child from a family that had a divorce, I think the older the kids the more affected they are (unless they are out on their own, then it is just a mindset). For younger kids they won't really remember what it was like to have both parents, and for older kids they will need lots of attention, (same with younger kids as well). It is best if both parents are on friendly terms, or at least don't show it in front of the kids. Also, don't say anything bad about the other parent to the kid, let them make their own judgements and have their own relationship with each parent, even if the other does it doesnt mean you should, be the better adult in the situation. Involvement is key, since one parent will inevitably have more time around the kid(s), so that parent will have the resposibility of two. It can be done, I promise you. I have lived in a single parent home for many years, and am now a very successful college student. Good luck, and hope this helps!

Answer 3

Kids are a reflection of what is going on in a marriage. They are adaptable and will do very well particularly if your marriage is currently demonstrating alot of unhappines or there is a lot of arguing. What ever you do - do not use the kids as pawns during a separation or divorce. They are not at fault of what is going on with adults. Most importantly - kids need to be kids. If you are having behaviour problems they will improve particulalry after the divorce. Things settle and they will see that both parents are happy or happier after the divorce. Do not insult the other parent.

Answer 4

i have two kids with my x husband, when my x first left us, he left us for another woman, the first weekend after he left he took the kids for the weekend and kissed the girl right in front of my boys, my son had just turned 3 at the time, and went from potty trained to wetting his pants again .. (his way of actting out about the divorce).. its 10 years later, and i can count on 2 hands how many times my x has seen the kids over the years, and on one hand for the last 6 years.. he pays child support when its convient to him, he calls once every 3 to 5 months .. my oldest son wishes every day that his father will come around and be the dad he wants and needs him to be, he doesnt understand why he doesnt love him enough to want to be a part of his life, and how come his new kids are more important to him then he is.. my youngest son, who is now 12 , and was 2 when his dad left.. doesnt like his dad doesnt want much to do with him.. Ive always given my x husband every opportunity to see his kids.. ive always driven the kids 6 out of the 9 hour trip to see their dad, and dropped things at a last moments notice on the rare occasions he has wanted to see them.. when our son was in the hospital, (he's chronically and terminally ill , the youngest ) i slept on any clear spot i could find in the hospital, and gave my x husband my room at the hotel, (was during the 2002 Olympics and no rooms were available) i was just happy he actually came.. ive informed him of everything that has gone on in their lives.. ive boughten presents for the kids and put their dads name on them when he forgot to send them things for xmas and birthdays in hopes my x husband would grow up one day and want to be a dad.. but he's now 33 and still only is a father when its convient.. our younger son is also deaf and he doesnt know any sign language so he cant even communicate with his son.. my oldest son is affected the most, because he is the one that gets disappointed, that crys, gets angry , cant understand, and yet hopes that his dad will change..
For people that say well that wont happen in my divorce.. it doesnt matter, all children end up broken when it comes to being in a divorce.. some its only a slight crack, some are shattered to pieces to a point of never being able to be repaired and most have issues as adults.. and have problems in their relationships because they harbor feelings from their parents divorce,.. Im the daughter of a broken home and all though i had both parents in my life on a regular bases, i have abandonment issues..and a low self esteem and low self worth.. ..
So if at all possible.. dont get divorced if theres even a slight chance that u can fix ur marriage.. when kids are involved..

Answer 5

My husband and I were married 25 years when we divorced. Our two daughters were 21 and 16 at the time of our divorce. The oldest was married and had a child: the youngest was a senior in high school. My husband and I had been experiencing problems in our marriage for several years; alcoholism, infidelidty, physical and mental abuse, all observed by our children.

For at least 10 years after we divorced, my children "hoped" that we would "get back together".

Divorce is "worse than death" to a child, no matter what age they are. Children love their mother and father "no matter what", and asking or expecting them to separate their love cannot be an option. Children of divorced parents see themselves as "divorced children".

Let your children know you love them, that your ex-spouse loves them, and that, once-upon-a-time, you loved each other. Bring out those family pictures! Experience the happy hours.

Answer 6

i just go through this and i can honestly say i will go through hell till i die from this guy,but the ones that really suffer is the kids they are the ones that hear the fighting,they have to go back and fourth from your house to theirs and they only wish the whole time their lives would be back to normal and have their mommy amd daddy back togher,but the thing is that cant be possible as we know.and you will go through the kids playing both sides and being in a grumpy mood when they come,due to being in a diffrent house hold with diffrent rules and then maybe the step mom/dad and dealing with all that,you will feel guilty and terrible and questioning weather you made the right decision,just know if you took the kids out of a bad situation you did the right thing and you are not the bad guy and they will understand when they get older.goodluck for you and your kids

Answer 7

I have both points of view. Although not married my sons father and I split up when he was young. The best thing I did was be a friend to his father. We didnt put each other down in front of him, he has seen us argue but it was rare and 15 years later Im glad we dont have the stress of hating each other, he goes with him when he wants to and honestly i dont even remember whos weekends and holidays are whos, we just go with who has plans. On the other hand, my parents argued constantly, my father was abusive (later diagnosed as bi polar and better now) and my parents didnt divorce till I was in my 20's, it may have been better if it was earlier and even at that age, if they just could have gotten along it would have been easier than feeling like your being made to choose sides. My advice, try to make it work if you can, therapy and all, if not be honest with them for their age, assure them you love them and will see them all the time and they can call you anytime and foremost.....try to get along, talk to each other about how its best for the kids. See a therapist yourself if you need advice.

I accepted a long time ago that my sons father was not a bad person, he just wasnt the person for me romantically.

Answer 8

i am a child of the big D....i have had relationship problems in the past. I was always afraid that someone would leave me...so when things got tough i always was the one to leave...i never trusted in love for the longest...and pretty much kept part of my heart to myself...in a way it has kept me ready for anything in my relationships....but now after so long ...being scared of giving my heart 100% i think I have only 1% left too myself. I have finally learned to trust someone and let them love me...and at the same time love them back....as hard as it was for me to give 99% of me...i still hold on too that 1%. I don't know if it will ever be filled but from the pain of seeing hearts broken in the two people that i cared about the most in the world...i think that 1% will never be given away.

Answer 9

When I divorced, my son's where 3 and 5. Now 30 years later
I feel It's made them better individuals, and parents.
They know how not to behave with their kids, and they have not carried on the "cycle of abuse". So many people have told
me what a GREAT job I did in raising them. That makes all
the bad memories disappear
Don't be afraid, its their future and your the only one that can
help their hurt GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

Effected mine horribly. My ex was very abusive and controlling and of course took them from me with accusations of things that I have no idea of, am slowly finding out but just recently found out my son wants to play sports and Dad said NO, GET A JOB! he is not even 15, 16, 17 nor 18 yet! My kids have had to give up callng family and seeing friends when dad is around so it is depressing for them. I do what I can to get them back to their normal life, but their father is an asshole.

Answer 11

my divorce was really difficult and it affected my two kids really bad, they became very insecured and their grades dropped, but now 8 years later thank God they have passed that, they are wonderful students, good kids, since we tried to put all the past behind us, the relationship with my ex is fine, not perfect but ok, and that helped a lot to my kids.