If you wanted to get pregnant, would you let your ex-husband try to get you pregnant?

Question

I have been trying to conceive for 15 yrs. My soon to be ex-husband has a 3 yr old boy with the tramp he cheated with. He has yet to take a paternity test. That was the biggest reason for our divorce. And of course that he had been with this woman for years living a double life. I have dreamed of being a mother for so long. I am afraid that I will get too old to get pregnant, or that I would let another man into my life. My ex would be financially & emotionally available to this child. I don't know if i would be strong enough to deal with him as a friend if we had a child together. But i want to be a mother. What would you do??

Answer 1

WOMAN !! Are you CRAZY!! He is soon-to-be ex, and you want to set yourself up for him to mess up your life for another 18 years? Don't have a baby for that jerk .....remember why he's soon-to-be ex? So don't set yourself up for hurt again. Adopt or go to a sperm bank if you don't want to get involved with another man. But then again, is it fair to the child to be raised without a father ? (I mean a responsible one, which rules out your soon-to-be ex!!)

Answer 2

Oh, this is a difficult question girl! You are better off not having any bit of involvement with him any longer if you both decided on the divorce. Don't put an innocent child in the middle of this horrible situation. I can understand that you want to be a mother and have a child so bad but believe me it will not be worth it bringing this child into this confusion. If for some reason you find a man in the future that is wonderful enough to be your husband and you his wife and you at a later point conceive then great. You need to think of others feelings not only your own. A baby is not the answer. You need a faithful husband and responsible mature father for a baby first.

Answer 3

Mrs Nice comments....

Why on earth would you even consider this?

It seems to me that it isn't as much that you think you're getting to old to conceive but instead that perhaps you might want to hang on to this man a bit longer and that a child would keep an attachment.

If I were you I'd totally cut the strings with this man!

Additionally, I think that considering having a child where you know ahead of time that the father won't be available full time is not considering the child!

There are plenty of other good men in this world. Make yourself available and you'll find the place you are suppose to be.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Nice

Answer 4

It's a toughie... Is this *really* the case that you wouldn't be able to find "ther right one" in time for you to still get pregnant and have a family? I see where you're coming from, a bird in hand vs. two in the bush. Depends entirely on how you feel about your ex. I personally think that at first it would be very painful to have to deal with him on the regular basis if you had a child together - but time tends to cure many wounds. One could say, it's unfair to the child who would never have a full-time dad; but, it would also be unfair to you if you never had children.

If I were you, I would give it some time; see how you both feel about it in a few months. Sounds like you're still very hurt, and this isn't a good mindset for making such a decision. Perhaps you can start dating again, and find a man to build a family with. Good luck.

Answer 5

I'd be tempted to write her a letter back (she's not on e-mail?) - and let her know a couple of things - 1. She should get better at using birth control. 2. You and your husband have your own lives now and should not be viewed as her parents (for help and advice). 3. Wish her luck and all the best, tell her good-bye and ask her to get help from her current friends, support system, family or local counseling agency. Make it a friendly, good-bye note. It's not up to you to tell your husband anything - this would simply be continuing this old, tired pattern that she seems to be in.

Answer 6

I can't imagine why you would ever do this. Being a mother is more than just caring for a baby and a person that you divorced that you don't want to be a friend would be a constant presence in your life and an influence on the child's. Move on from him and open your heart to someone else.

Answer 7

I'd ditch the prick and go to a sperm bank. you'd make a plan for cash if that's the issue, I'm about to be a dad for the first time. I'm 27. not employed but I've posted after hours PC support leaflets all over town. but this is a question your close friends and family should be consulted on. though if your soon to be x was living a double life would that be a good example to a child?

Answer 8

I would go for artificial insemination...they have it where you can let your child have a relationship with the father these days so I would look into that...it would be too hard emotionally for you to have a functioning relationship with this man and that is what you would have to do if he was the father of your child...ok you wouldnt have to but it would help in the development of your child...plus how do you plan on doing this...why havent you tried with this man for the last 15 years...you would go through the motions not even knowing if he can have kids...also have you been tested for fertility problems?

Answer 9

Hi, Im a teen and my mom and dad got a divorce before i was born! My dad left for bull riding! It hurts so bad to know that somthing was always more important then me! I feel that if you do get pregnent and your husband leaves ur kid will feel a puzzle piece missing! I know you want to be a mother really bad but im sure the right guy is out there im sure your wonderful and some jerk who cheats on you dont let him get you pregnednt and if you dont end up and you get older then adopt there are tonz of teens who have babys and put them up for adoption before they are born and you have them the day they are born my best friend had a baby and did that! Just think about your kids future you dont want him/her to have depression cuz there dad cheated on you then got you prego then left!! It really does hurt no matter how much i tell people it does not bother me! Take my advice alright
GOOD LUCk! KICK UR X IN THE BALLS FOR ME TELL HIM HE AN JERK!

K LOve
Kara!

Answer 10

no I would not. Ex is an ex for a reason. Youre leaving him because hes not the man that makes you happy, hes not going to be a good role model for your child (look how he treated you). If youre fighting now, it will be worse when your pregnant (and have some crazy hormones) Divorces can turn real ugly. Youll find a man that will be there for you and this baby you want so bad. You can always adopt, or be a foster mother. I donno, I think Id rather get pregant by some random guy on the street compared to my ex...