He is very controlling. I ma expected to do things that he enjoys but if I want to do things I enjoy, I have to do them alone. There is no sex in the relationship and I currently sleep in the living room. I just can't help but feel like there should be something more in the marriage. It feels like we are room mates. Thing is that I do not think that I want to fix it.
2006-08-19 12:19:40 · 50 answers · asked by jcitsog1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
people change, move on.
2006-08-19 12:22:56 · answer #1 · answered by Ms Berry Picker 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you don't love the person. If that's the case I would leave in a heart beat - unless there are kids involved. If there're then maybe you should think things out a little more. Not to stay on necessarily but to make sure things will be as smooth as possible for the child(ren). If you love the person then counselling might be a good idea. If the person is abusive (not just controlling) but pysically or mentally abusive - you should get out as soon as possible and seek professional help.
2006-08-19 12:27:04 · answer #2 · answered by WhoMe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you know the answer to your own question. You are just not that into him or the marriage anymore. You are trapped, but somewhat by your own doing. I bet these have been problems for a long time, only maybe you didn't recognize them, or chose to ignore them, thinking things would be better in time. Trust me, they don't ever improve. Is this really what you pictured your "marriage" to be, when you kissed him at the altar and said "I DO"? I don't think so. Sadly, you need to respect yourself, and care enough for yourself, (and him...) to walk away. By setting yourself free, you are empowering yourself to take control of an otherwise "helpless" situation. You will be giving yourself the freedom to re-connect with yourself, something I bet you have lost, and miss very much. We tend to lose ourselves when we get involved. It happens. It sounds like he may feel the same way. It doesn't seem like there is anything to "fix", so I would say it's time to move on. Thank him for the past 11 years, (always have class and manners...), pack your things, and move on. You will need much time alone, to grieve, (yes, you'll do this...trust me...), re-connect with yourself, and finally have the strength to face any challenge. DO NOT get involved with anyone else, until you are truly "free", (legally, and emotionally...) to do so. No need to hurt anyone else in this, is there? Be your own best friend again, and when your'e ready, you'll know it. Best wishes to you.
2006-08-19 12:30:37 · answer #3 · answered by Michael 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One way I have of answering such questions is; how will you feel about 10 years from now about your decision, whichever it is? If you can live with leaving him and not getting any help, then that is your answer. If you feel so strongly about your marriage and commitment and you think 10 years from now you'll look back with regret if you get a divorce, perhaps you should seek some kind of counselling.
However, if he's not wanting any help, and is happy with the status quo, then it sounds like you may have to move on.
2006-08-19 12:27:11 · answer #4 · answered by merlin_steele 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not what a marriage suppose to be. Even if you have children, your childs will be affected in such a bad relationship and family life. So either you and your husband are willing to do counseling and fix the problem, or just leave and move on with your life.
2006-08-19 12:46:12 · answer #5 · answered by SG1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a thought to keep in mind for the rest of your life: A marriage with 50/50 (50% give and 50% take) is a good thought but 90/10 works better. If both parties discuss and agree that they only want to give and not take it turns out beautiful. 90% give and 10% take is a wonderful expression of love. It takes two to make it work.
2006-08-19 12:30:16 · answer #6 · answered by normy in garden city 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always worth having another try but if you've already done that and you're not getting anything out the relationship then moving on might be the best course of action,if you do dont jump head first into the first relationship that comes along that can cause even more problems take a little time out for yourself.
2006-08-19 12:27:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're asking whether or not you've taken enough already, I'd say definitely "Yes". You have put up with more than most people would.
If you love him enough to try counselling, you can do that, but it won't make you fall back in love with him if you don't anymore.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that a relationship is over, and divorce doesn't make you a bad person.
Good luck, whatever you decide!
2006-08-19 12:29:02 · answer #8 · answered by AmericanDreamer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first question would be "Do you have children?" If so, then you need to do what you can to make this marriage work.
If there are no children, then you can seriously think about ending the marriage.
But remember, often the problem is within oneself, so even if you end the marriage, you may still be unhappy unless you figure out what it is you really want.
2006-08-19 12:27:02 · answer #9 · answered by ewema 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have no kids, then secretly separate your money from his, get your stuff out to a storage or friend's place (in case he goes weird on you), get a new place, then when you are ready, don't come home.
It's not a marriage when only one person participates. No love, no sex, no communication= over and done.
It's time for you, because it been about him for 11 years, go get a new life and a new love who will be your partner. Be yourself, go out with the girls, have fun, don't be in a hurry to get married again and give yourself time to get know yourself again.
Good Luck!!!!
2006-08-19 12:32:16 · answer #10 · answered by dina h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think once you let a man do what he wants, its very hard to make him change. Get out of the marriage if you can, but before you do tell him what you feel to see his reaction. If you see he doesn't do anything about him leave him.
I have the same problem with my 7 yr relationship, I don't think its going anywhere.
2006-08-19 12:31:56 · answer #11 · answered by locamiami 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋