Poem tell me what you think! plz read it srry about spelling just read plz?

Question

I'm waiting for death to it away
and lll sit her drowning caught up in my surroundings
crying my fake tears
well i feel no sympathy(sp??)there's non left in me
there's only pain today it's all that left
just so i can get out all I need to do is take the rusted siscors(sp?)
near..near this vein
my veins filled with all these rejects and hate
i have nothing to say or do
i wish you will all pay someday
and I think i'm very own worst enemy
and all my hurt spilling outta of me
about 14 years worth of agony seems to be killing this mind
this mind is eroiting(?) slowly i feel like I'm floating in bad wheater
so here i'm why don't you put me out of my pure misery
there's nothing left to become of me
nothing here 2 see
and all I'm asking from you people please just put me out of this misery
i'm pleading here right now
and my heart is bleeding melting in my chest
slowly flowing into my ribcage
and vessels will erupt
i think i;m having the vomit of my words

hi this is my poem and I will like to thank you sincerly for taking your time and reading this I have posted 2 poems on yahoo.This is my 3rd posted work! be honest I had to keep this poem shorter then actually was since yahoo as a limit

Really LOL!?? Cool I love your comments

k i know my spelling is bad so i take no offense to it i don't think poems always have to rhyme perfectly

Yes thank u I love the feedback i know it may seem very morbid i guess it's my style.

do you guys think I'm selfish cuz the poem is about how i feel?????

Answer 1

You asked for thoughts on your "poem" so here are mine.

First, poetry is not what YOU feel, but what you can make your readers feel. In these lines you have left no room for the reader, it is all about yourself.

You ask the reader to forgive your spelling: why? Poetry is crystallized emotion. Every vowel, every consonant should be chosen with care. Instead, you have given us words with (sp?) following them and other words blatantly misspelled. If you do not care enough to craft your work, why should the reader care enough to read it (outside the 2 points they get at Yahoo Answers)?

There is no need for rhyme in modern poetry; however, you need to consider where your line breaks occur. The most emphasis occurs at the end of the line, the next most at the very beginning. Consider that when you write.

Listen for vowel sounds. They can give a cohesive force to an otherwise discordant piece. You have some in "enemy...agony...killing me... misery" but you lose it without replacing it with anything beyond that. The eee sounds get whiny. It is not as bad as everything ending in "ing" but pretty close.

"Depressing teenagers is like shooting fish in a barrel." Homer Simpson. I would rather you write than actually off yourself. Do understand that teenage angst is common. It gets some better for most of us later. Then there is old folks' angst. But forget about that now.

Go read some modern poetry. Take a class in writing. You have the urge. Read some Jim Carroll or even some of the Beats to get you sort of caught up. Lots of poetry these days does not even look like poetry.

Answer 2

My only concern is that at 14 this poem comes from what you truly feel. A 14 year old should not feel emotions like that. The problem is that in this permissive culture filled with permissive parenting, it is easy for a child to do it all and reach a place of hopelessness all too soon. Discipline, goals, chores, family, love, are all part of a healthy child's life. Good grades, success in sports or activities are part of the teen time. College life, job, family, children are more of life's cycles. Sitting around at 14 thinking macabre thoughts is not reflective of sound thinking or upbringing. None the less, you are in a sense what you think. Quit meditating on the negative. You control your mind, not the other way around. You like to write so write, but write something that encourages others or entertains them. Life is too hard to read poems that make you worry about the writer.

Answer 3

Poetry is just a form of expression. I ....myself an gothic so my poetry has a dark affinity to it sometimes. I would advise, because of past experiences against publishing anything that isn't already copyrighted under your name on the web.
Its and alright poem. But its all in your perspective.
i like to write but i grew outta the suicide phase some time ago.

Answer 4

If you cleaned it up a little on making it flow. I think that the story you are trying to get across would come out better. I know it is a free verse, I just like when the rhyme is there.

Answer 5

I love it but 1 thing write a happy poem. Your gothic arent you. Gothic ppl feal down about them. If you are gothic keep your head held high and show off the real you! I love the poem thow. Its awsome! best poem i've ever heard.

by the way emo is ppl who cut them self. She just writing sad poems so she is gothic. I hope

Answer 6

I'm not a big fan of it, but that's just my opinion. If you want people to like your poem, you really can't just say, "Sorry about the spelling." To be taken seriously, your work has to be polished.

Good luck!

Answer 7

A little wordy and morbid. Other than that, it's great. The reader can sense your pain and suffering.

Answer 8

no offense- but try using a dictionary
i like poems that rhyme more often a bit better
but i generally like it

Answer 9

i think u should write something happy this is too depressing..i love to write poetery and i have some myself but they r happy ones ...gl and id love to read some more

Answer 10

You need to write concretely not abstractly about feeling.