What should I do-My mother-in-law wants to move in next door?!?

Question

Okay, my husband and I dated four years and now we've been married for two years, total 6 years. We are college students and constantly busy. Unfortunately the house next door to us has become vacant and because my husband is an only son, my mother in law is hell-bent on moving in there so she can see him as much as possible. I know if she moves in there she'll be calling at all hours for anything and everything...and we couldforget sleeping in. All in all, it would just feel too close. My husband agrees that he doesn't want his mother right under our rear ends. What can we do??? Also, my father in law doesn't necessarily want ot live that close to us either, but he'll do what she wants...Help

Answer 1

I understand that this is a little close. I would never do that to my kids and their spouses. For one thing, I wouldn't want them messing with me, asking me for stuff too and being too convenient to ask me for help. It would be too close for me, much less them feeling that way towards me. If she is kinda nutty, it could be really tough and you may have to move. You know, you can put boundaries up without hurting people's feelings or shutting them out of your life. If you don't know how, get some professional help to get you the knowledge you need.

But try to get some perspective on it. One, someday you may be a mother in law too, and your daughter in law will not want you around either, and it will hurt your feelings. Two, this is your family now, she is your family too. As long as you are married, she will be apart of your family, especially if you have children. This can be huge blessing to you to have a loving grammy helping out. Three, someday she will be gone and you won't have to worry about it.

You can make a positive time of it or a really bad one all by just your attitude. Older women have had a lot of time to gain some time-honored wisdom. You have not experienced what she has experienced so you don't a frame of reference for what she is experiencing. You take care of a child, provide for it and then they are gone out of your life. This is a hard adjustment. Try to be patient and understanding, because I'm telling you, I used to feel the same way and now I'm a mother in law and I understand.

Answer 2

First I have some questions for you.

Do you own your home, or rent?

Would the in-laws be buying the house, or renting it?

The reason I ask these questions is - ownership is a bit more trouble to get out from under than merely renting. You can't stop her from moving wherever she wants (it's a free country after all) but if worst comes to worst and you are renters, you always have the option to move.

It's really up to your husband to communicate with his mother. When you're dealing with "only children" however, don't count on his communications making much difference. The bonds may be too tight. I feel for you. You are kind of stuck in the middle here unless your husband chooses to make your collective wishes known.

On the plus side, if you lead busy lives maybe their close proximity will not be noticed as much as you think. If you have your own lives, friends, jobs, etc. the in-laws won't irritate you so much. I just hope that they also have their own lives, friends, jobs, etc. (However, I fear they might not and that may be why they are so anxious to move close to you)

Forewarned: If they do move next door, by all means don't give them a key to your house and insist that they phone first before coming to visit. Unplug your phone when you don't want to be disturbed, or if you can't make yourselves do that, at least get an answering machine or voice mail or something where they can't bother you unless you want to be bothered.

Answer 3

The best thing you can both do is sit down with her and tell her how you both feel. Honesty is the best policy and your husband should be the one doing most of the talking. If you beat around the bush, odds are she won't pay any mind to you and she'll move anyway.
On the other hand, I know someone who lives across the street from their parents and it works out nice for them. Their parents are able to watch their kids when they need a break, take care of the house/dog when they are away, etc. But, there is always the no privacy issue, the constant nagging, wanting to go out, hang out, etc. I do think that parents/kids need some space and privacy from eachother sometimes.

Answer 4

have a family dinner and ask: Why is it so important to take the house next door?...Listen and then tell your husband once it has been brought to the table and you have heard their reply; bring up the reason he feels that it isnt a good idea and then you voice your opinion.. Without everyone being honest the situation could get bad and can cause marital probs in your household. Nip it in the bud NOW....Let the mother in law be anger right now but if she cares for the son the way you say she does; it wont last long .

Answer 5

Well unless you have the money to buy the house next door there is not much you can do. You should talk to her about the importance of your privacy. Inivte her to the house for dinner and other occasions so she does not feel left out. Ask her opinion on things. Involve her in the life of the children. She probably has nothing to do. Mother in laws are very important and you do not want to hurt them, in fear of hurting the husband or wife.

Answer 6

communicate this over with your companion and set some obstacles for the two one in each and every of you. while she used to ask herself over to dinners, you 2 could have met her on the door and say in a courteous way, "i'm sorry, mom, yet we've plans for this night already" (and then do no longer difficult). Does your companion fall down to although the mummy needs? For the sturdy of your marriage, you and your companion could have your area. you in addition to mght choose to maintain a sturdy relationship with your m-i-l so as that she is often used with it rather is not any longer in my opinion against her--- it rather is practically your would desire to "pass away the mothers and fathers and cleave at the same time" and style a clean kin. Does your companion have any siblings? Is that why the m-i-l moved so close? Ask your companion if she would be able to inform her which you the two are uncomfortable approximately her residing so close via fact the partitions are paper skinny. locate out if there is yet another place of residing extra away interior the complicated that she would desire to pass into. final hotel-- initiate finding for a clean place to stay for you and your companion.

Answer 7

I wouldn't like it. But it's a free country,sort of. You are in control
of your own household. You don't have to allow others to dictate
to you. Nor do you have to let her visit whenever she wants.
Set the "Ground Rules" before she moves next door. It sounds
like it is already tooooo late. You must become more assertive
in your life. Your husband should grow up. The two of you need
to form an allegience & stick to it.
He must make it known how the both of you feel. Don't apologize
for what you believe.
Good Luck!

Answer 8

OUUUUUUUU.......you've got a really nasty situation about to jump all over you! weigh the pros/cons. Be the woman of the house should something arise that you don't approve of. My M-I-L moved in the apt. next door to us and we had a few run-ins with each other. You can't allow her to run your house! She has her own to manage and her son is now your husband...you might have to remind her of that! Be sure to do it in a mature, respectful way. Besides, she might not move as close to you as you think. A tall fence between might not hurt either!

Answer 9

LOL... One should not laugh, as it is not on of the best of situations to be in: I don’t know of many people who would relish the idea of their parents living right on their doorstep… ‘Literally’!!

I’m afraid it is one of those cases where you need to find some tough love, and a little back bone: to sit down with your husband, and both of you 'talk' to your mother-in-law the best you can, and explain how you feel!!

I know this will not be easy… but as busy students (I know what Bible/Ministry College is like), with the workload that entails, and not just in study & prep: being relatively newly weds, and just getting away from the apron strings… the last thing you need is a constant visitor, & to be tied back to them… You need your own place & space!!!

Be gentle… pray… and Lord willing she will understand… GOOD LUCK!!! Lol xoxo

Answer 10

You can't do anything about it. She has the right to move in next door if she wants. It is the truth, no matter how much you'd rather her not to move there. You could encourage her not to, tell her point blank, move yourself if she does move there. There is also telling her that if she does move there, that you 2 need your personal space like any other people. There is time and planning for visiting, but if you are like me, I make sure my family and friends know that I don't like unexpected or unannounced arrivals.