After my mother died, my father went thru his 'midlife crisis' (at 65). Visiting all the places he thoiught were filled with loose women...Paris, Rome, then he hit on mail order brides in the Philipinnes...and married one! She was 2 years younger than me and I am the baby of the family. Over the next 20 years, he moved all of my mother's belongings (crystal, Hummel collections, furniture) to the Philipinnes. Totally cutting off all relations with his 'other family', but still laying on the guilt that we don't write enough! He is now 86 years old and she has wspent most of his retirement $$$ on their 'estates'. What do I do about all of my mother's things...they belong here!
2006-08-19 11:22:54 · 9 answers · asked by WannaCheat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your mother and father were married, her things were their things and its his place to decide what to do with them not yours. If your mother was worried about you having a certain thing she would have given it to you or willed it to you. How about you grow up and be happy for your dad? Oh and SHE hasn't spent most of HIS retirement money, THEY have spent THEIR retirement money.
2006-08-19 11:28:48 · answer #1 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow,what a zinger.
I feel for you. And this has nothing to do with growing up and facing reality.
Ask your father for the items that you wanted from your mother.In all fairness, I think that your mother would have rather you have them,than being in another woman's space.
If they have them at all,as in....if they were not sold.
Could you have not taken your mothers items before he moved away and became attached?
I would feel so odd if this happened to me.
I'm sure that there is more to your story.
Many men tend to do this,with the lotus blossum brides.
Try speaking to him without losing your temper. Maybe you can come to some type of compromise?
2006-08-19 11:37:52 · answer #2 · answered by starrdevine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right this minute, get in touch with you dad. Let him know what your mom's things mean to you and BEG him to let you have what is important to you. If he refuses, remember, he has been married 20 years and the "new wife" may feel that what he brought into the marriage belongs to her. Good luck! I know how important it is to have the precious items that belonged to a mother no longer with us!
2006-08-19 11:32:18 · answer #3 · answered by haweesay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to live his life and why didn't you get things before your mother pasted away? Now after 20 years you are looking for things? Whether or not you have legal rights to your mother's things why did you wait for 20 years!
2006-08-20 04:48:51 · answer #4 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its too late and your mothers things are now your fathers wife's. Get over your grief and resentment with what I call my "tornado" rationalization. If a tornado hit and blew your house to bits and everything in it, it would simply be gone and you'd be left with only the memories. Live with the memories, the tornado has come and gone.
2006-08-19 12:32:23 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go, honey. You will probably never see any of those things again, and after 21 years the second wife rightfully feels they are hers. They are only "things". If she kept him happy for 21 years, that is all that really matters, and the good part is ... you aren't going to end up caring for him in his old age.
2006-08-19 11:32:56 · answer #6 · answered by lollipop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where mother's things "belong" is not the issue here. The only relevant question is, who has legal title? You may feel disgusted with your father's actions (I would), but it is his life and he is entitled to live it the way he sees fit.
2006-08-19 11:30:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about it and move on. Not worth the hassle.
2006-08-19 11:29:10 · answer #8 · answered by Tree or Bush 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately there isn't much you can do. Try to contact your dad
2006-08-23 04:01:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anne E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋